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| A good place to meet men. The Palm Springs, California Air Museum. One of nearly 100 vintage airplanes on display |
 On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter May 2, 2025 By Columnist Tom Blake Is 83 too Old to Date? In the March 21 eNewsletter, Champ Susie commented, “Question: how does a woman become attracted to an older man? Or, if you are a man, how do you become attracted to an older woman? I am 83 and take good care of myself. I still look pretty good after years of working out and being a dancer. I never let myself go. “I want to go on a dating site, but my age of 83 stops me. I would not be interested in a man 83, and I figure no one would be interested in me at 83.” This week, Champ Leslie responded to Susie’s above comment. “This is addressed to Susie at age 83. You never know where or when you might meet someone. Though my man friend and I met at 75, we are each 83 now. The last two men I’ve been in long-term relationships with, each for eight years (the previous one was from 2001-2009), were both from my high school class. I chaired the reunions when we connected both times. The current 83-year-old is still active. “I live near the Villages in Florida, and people here meet constantly. My significant other lives 90 miles north of my place, close to Tampa, and we’re usually at his place. Being your age, Susie, I understand how you feel about online dating. “I know of a man who had never married, and he married someone also from my high school class. None of these relationships were from online dating. Both members of this last couple were volunteers for Meals on Wheels. “Tom, I look forward to your eNewsletters; they’ve helped me very much these last several years. Thank you for sharing last week’s article about the dolphin rescue. Dolphins are amazing animals. I am also on the Quora website you mentioned last week. Tom’s comment: Seniors who are willing and able to get off the couch, out of the house, and involved in activities increase their chances of meeting a potential mate. Leslie makes a good point. She met her last two partners when she chaired her high school reunions. Even if you don’t serve as the reunion chairperson, still attend them if you are seeking a mate near your age, with the added benefit of sharing the common bond of having attended school together. Eight years ago, I wrote a column about two of my high school classmates who never dated each other, but he managed to track her down 50 years later. She lived 2,000 miles away. He told me, “I always had a crust on her.” To say the least, I was shocked when they got married and appeared at my doorstep “just to say hello.” Not only is volunteering a wonderful way to help people, but it also exposes you to people you would have never met. Leslie mentioned Meals On Wheels as an example Other activities include playing pickleball or other sports. Attending church and Chamber of Commerce events and walking your dog is another thing to do. This previous weekend, my significant other Debbie and I were in Palm Springs. On Friday, we visited the Air Museum, located across the main runway from Palm Springs International Airport. It’s known as the best Air Museum in the USA. I highly recommend adding a visit there to your Palm Springs “must-see” check-off list. There are nearly 100 vintage warplanes dating back to WWII, including the photo above. You can also sit outside and watch the commercial jets arriving and departing at Palm Springs Airport with the best seats in the desert for doing that. But here’s my point about the Air Museum. It’s a place to meet people. It’s manned totally by volunteers, women and men. Those volunteers interact daily with multiple museum visitors. Most of the volunteers are seniors and men. What a wonderful place to volunteer and visit (and maybe meet your potential mate). Leslie makes a good point about online dating in our 70s and 80s. It’s a challenge, but it can still work. Posting a photo of oneself when we are in our 80s is frightening (voice of experience). I understand Susie’s hesitancy to do so. But it can work, I met Debbie online (on Zoosk) two years ago when I was also 83. However, getting off the couch and meeting people face-to-face is a better way for seniors to meet potential partners compared to searching online. Scam Alert This Monday, while I was preparing today’s eNewsletter, unexpectedly, my computer screen locked, saying Microsoft Security was protecting it and I should call 855-793-6220. I sensed a scam and shut off my computer 3 times, and the screen was still locked when I turned the computer back on. Then, I remembered the magic of CTL-ALT-DELETE, holding down all 3 keys at once. That did it. The screen was unlocked when I tried to open it the next time. I checked online with my backup computer, and a search revealed that the phone number is a scam. |
Category: Zoosk
From The Senior Dating Mailbag
Tom Blake Columnist
On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter
September 15, 2023
From the Senior Dating Mailbag
Today, I feel a bit like Bob Dylan, with words from his song, “Like A Rolling Stone,” one of the most classic songs of all time. Namely, the words, “How does it feel, to be on your own, with not direction home, like a complete unknown, like a rolling stone.” (see link below).
In other words, today’s newsletter isn’t just focused on one topic or one direction—no dogs and senior dating, no animals in senior dating, no ghosting stories, no double-whammy events—just some items that arrived in the mailbag, as famous San Francisco Chronicle columnist, Herb Caen, used to call some of his columns. Simply, “From The Mailbag.” So here we go.
Maggie, “I don’t date anymore because I’m convinced there’s a wave of divorces about to hit the market and I can get a pre-trained one for a real bargain.”
Rhonda emailed, “I am a widow. My husband of 38 years died in December 2007 of lung cancer. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. I have three children, a daughter aged 50, and two sons, ages 47 and 43. They are decent and hard-working people and lead full and busy lives.
“Am I looking for a mate? Yes, but not very hard. My attitude has been that if the right person falls in my lap, I would probably be pleased. At least my attitude is almost that bad. Yes, I know you’ve warned about that attitude in your column several times and you are probably right. I just don’t like the idea of meeting someone online.”
Tom’s comment to Rhonda: What I’ve said is people rarely have the right person fall into their lap. I encourage senior singles to get off the couch, out of the house, and involved in activities they enjoy. Senior social interaction is important for seniors, especially their health.
And when out and about, singles should be assertive and willing to say hello to strangers who appeal to them. Notice, I did not say aggressive.
I feel one of the best ways to meet someone is still the old-fashioned way, senior dating networking through friends, family, co-workers, and nearly anyone you meet. A woman can say to a man she sees, “I’m single. Do you have any single male friends who are about my age?” And men can say the same, “Do you have any single women friends…” Who knows? The person may respond by saying, “I’m single. Would you like to have coffee?”
And Rhonda, online dating is a personal choice. I’ve done it for about six months now on Match.com, and because Champ Bruce in Ohio suggested I try a site called Zoosk, I’ve been on there as well. I’ve met many nice women who I would not have met otherwise. Who knows? Will someone be the one from one of those sites? Perhaps. I think there is a strong chance of that happening. While there are many issues and considerations and cautions with online dating, it did give me hope as I emerged from the fog of loss.
And as many single Champs know, a bit of hope in a lonely single existence can lift one’s spirits.
I admit that I have taken a hiatus from those sites. Why? I just need to catch my breath. I’m fortunate to have male friends I spend time with and can talk to openly as some of them are in similar situations as I.
And while mentioning online dating, I was interviewed on a podcast this week with the founder, Bela, of the Smart Dating Academy, an online dating advisory service. We were discussing how to reduce disappointing first dates due to misleading photos or personality differences. She suggests people do two or three video chats with a potential date before meeting in person. She suggested Google Meet, a free app that people can use. I think that’s a great idea.
Of course, both people must agree to the pre-first date video. If a person is unwilling to do that, that would be a red flag.
She said people can discover if they have a connection and attraction for each other via the videos. If they do not, they save time and possible embarrassment without even leaving their homes. I will let you know when my recorded podcast interview will air in the future.
Champ John emailed, “Relationship coach Christine Baumgartner’s advice in a recent eNewsletter that treating your human partner as well as you treat your pets is some of the best reader advice I’ve seen in your eNewsletters. I’m going to have to keep that in mine.
Tom’s comment: Christine has been a Champ for years. She and Barry Selby have a weekly podcast about dating and relationship issues. Here’s a link to one of the recent informational emails she sent me.
Phubbing
Another thing that has popped up recently in senior dating and marriages is a phenomenon called “phubbing.” What the heck is that you might ask? It’s when people prefer the company of their smartphones more than the company of their partners. It’s causing increased conflicts among couples. And research has discovered that phubbing negatively impacts intimacy.
One study revealed that almost 17 percent of women will interrupt intimacy to check their phone. Holy cow, that’s astounding. Can you imagine, during intimacy, the partner says, “Excuse me honey, I need to order a pizza.” Or “I forgot to call my friend Jane back so this will only take a minute.”
And now, social media even makes phubbing worse. Often people check their social media outlets multiple times each day. Studies fear phubbing will increase the divorce rate.
Cell phones are bad enough. We see improper cell phone usage all too often. We’ve all experienced when the traffic light turns green and the car in front of us doesn’t move because the person is texting or using their phone.
And, how about the people walking down a sidewalk who virtually run into you because they are only paying attention to their cell phones. I am tempted to say (and do under my breath often), “Get off your….ing cell phone.”
Also, what amazes me is when people walk across a street reading their cell phones and are oblivious to traffic that could hit them.
Don’t let phubbing ruin a first date. Turn off your phone and look at it later.
That’s it for this week. I need to check my phone messages. And I’m not even on a date.
Link to, Like A Rolling Stone by Bob Dylan:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwOfCgkyEj0
On Life and Love after 50 