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Senior Love on the back of a Harley

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – August 12, 2022

By Tom Blake

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter August 12, 2022

By Columnist Tom Blake

There are two parts to today’s eNewsletter

Part 1 – Senior Dating – Love on the back of a Harley

I received an email this week from a Champ that began, “Hi, it’s Patricia, Chapter 12,” which puzzled me for a few seconds, and then I noticed that Patricia had added the words “Love on the back of a Harley.” When I saw those words, I knew immediately who it was from.

In 2009, I published a book titled “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” The book’s title is slightly off. A more accurate title would have been: “How 58 Couples Found Love After 50.” Eight additional stories were added after the final artwork was submitted. So, there are 58 stories of how senior couples met.

When I answered Patricia’s email, I signed my email–not as Tom–but as “Chapter 58,” which is the final story of the book and tells of how Greta and I met when she ordered a fresh carrot juice at my deli 25 years ago. Several of our current Champs’ stories are included in that book, including Patricia’s and Cowboy’s, which is Chapter 12.

In her email, Patricia wrote, “I wanted to share a fun and unique experience that happened recently. “My husband, Cowboy, and I moved from Paso Robles, California, to Montana, last year, and we love it. We bought a much nicer house for $100,000 less than the one we sold in California. The cost of gas is at least a dollar less a gallon and there is no sales tax. When you buy new furniture and a washer & dryer, as we did, that makes a huge difference!

“The Paramount TV Series ‘Yellowstone,’ starring Kevin Costner, is filmed here, and my husband and I have been paid to be extras in the show. What an adventure that has been! “Many people beg to be extras, but they will only hire residents of Montana. I can’t tell you much about it as we had to sign NDAs (non-disclosure agreements) but I can tell you that it’s an amazing and very well-managed production.

“Season 5 will start airing mid-November, but they will be shooting through January. We may do more days as extras. “On another subject, we are fully enjoying going over the Rockies on the Harley and doing the ‘Run to the Sun. “We live just an hour from Glacier National Park, so we are taking advantage of the warm weather and exploring many parts of the park. I’ve included some photos that reveal the spectacular scenery.”

Comment from Tom: As sometimes happens with stories from Champs, coincidences emerge. Two happened with Patricia’s email. She mentioned Kevin Costner. The first coincidence: my partner Greta was in a business administration class at California State University Fullerton with him in 1974.

The second coincidence is Glacier National Park. In 1976, my buddy Jack Jarrell and I went camping there with our two women friends. He and I were avid fly fishermen. The general store manager in our campground mentioned a lake about an hour’s hike away at a higher elevation that was filled with hungry native rainbow and brook trout. The four of us went for it and hiked to the lake. The weather was as perfect that day as the pictures that Patricia included in her email reveal.

Each one of us caught our fish limits within an hour. It was the most incredible fly fishing I had ever experienced. We decided to take the fish back to the campsite to cook for dinner. Jack’s lady Jan said she had a special recipe for cooking wild-caught trout. We were licking our chops (what we did not know was there was a 4-legged hungry animal nearby which was also licking its chops).

As the four of us were walking back, about 200 yards from the lake, a park ranger on horseback with a high-powered rifle protruding from a saddlebag approached us. He said, “I see you have some fish.”

I guessed that perhaps he thought we didn’t have fishing licenses. I said, “We all have fishing licenses!” He said, “This is far more serious than that.” He had our attention. The Park Ranger said, “Did you see that pile of poop about 25 yards back?” We all nodded yes.

He said, “Was it steaming?” We all nodded yes. He said, “A grizzly bear just dropped that 10 to 15 minutes ago. He will smell your fish and be coming after you for them. He’d be happy to kill you to get them.” The Park Ranger was dead serious. He said, “Toss your fish in the bushes and follow me. I will lead you away from the bear.”

We complied. After a quarter mile, he said, “You’re safe now. I’m leaving. Have a nice day.” At the campsite that night, we cooked hamburgers over the fire. We imagined that our grizzly buddy was enjoying a fresh fish dinner near the lake. That’s the Glacier National Park coincidence. So, Champs, keep the stories coming. Have I told you about the shark encounter on The Great Barrier Reef? Only joking, of course.

Part 2 – How 50 (58) Couples Found Love After 50

I’ve got a few copies of How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 in inventory. For Champs who would enjoy a book, the cost is $8.98 which includes taxes, shipping, and a signed book. In 2009, that would have cost $24.00. You can pay with a credit card via my PayPal account or a check. Email me if you’d like a book at that special price. Each of the 58 stories concludes with a short “Senior Dating Lessons Learned” section, which provides helpful advice for singles who hope to meet a mate.

For example, in Champ Patricia’s Chapter 12 section, her lesson is: “When senior dating, open your mind to new adventures and activities. Expand your horizons, your reach, and your thinking.” When Patricia and Cowboy first met, Cowboy rode a Harley; Patricia was a fashion-industry expert. Diverse backgrounds. And yet, they met, married, and have an incredible relationship and love for each other. Ride along with them on their Harley.

**Tom’s book on sale -email me tompblake@gmail.com for details**

Rocky the pig

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

Tom Blake columnist

August 5, 2022

Rocky The Pet Pig

I don’t make this stuff up.

Champ Carl, Palm Desert, California, emailed: “What a great story last week about 84-year-old Jay and his pet cow. “You and your Champs are right about Jay, he probably has a great heart, and anyone who loves animals understands how intelligent and insightful animals are.

“People would be shocked to learn some of the latest studies about animals. Particularly cows! “I’m not an outspoken animal activist, but I recently stumbled upon some scientific data about certain animal intelligence. Cows especially.

“The reason I learned about this: After my divorce, my ex-wife took two of my greatest loves away from me. Not only did she get custody of my two young kids (for a while), but the two dogs that I considered my other two kids!”

Comment from Tom: Carl is right about the hurt of having animals you love taken away from you. When my former wife informed me that she had moved out of our home, while I was visiting my 83-year-old mom 500 miles away, one of my biggest concerns was what had happened to my two dogs.

Were they gone? Were they fed? Did they have water? Nine hours later, when I pulled into the garage, I heard them bark. I said to myself, “They are here at home, and safe. Nothing else matters.” They were sure happy to see me.

Carl continued: “Thank God, my ex left me with a young pig we had given our boys as a gift, and this animal was so full of love, affection, and appreciation for his dad (me) that I couldn’t believe it.

“I had BRILLIANT dogs. But, my domestic pig, Rocky, was so amazing; he became my awesome friend. He was housebroken within three days, and when he was hungry, he would bring me his dish and sit up, asking for dinner. I never taught him that.

“He slept next to me and when the alarm would go off in the morning, he would kiss my face to make sure I awakened. “He brought me my skippers, and my paper, and laid by my side. His intelligence level was so superior to my dogs’ intelligence levels that it was hard to believe. However, I saw it and loved him for eight years. “When Rocky died a few months ago, I felt I had lost the rest of my world.

“Just a word to those that have no idea: Pigs are incredibly intelligent, and by eating pork, you’re doing the same as eating a dog, as they do in the Far East. “Please hear my story: I haven’t made up one bit of my experience with my buddy. I wish the world only knew.”

Dating a younger man

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – July 29, 2022

by columnist Tom Blake

Should she reveal her age before moving in with a much younger man?

Mark, one of my regular weekly eNewsletter readers wrote, “This is from today’s (July 24, 2022) NY Times digital edition, in the ‘Social Qs’ section:

“Just a Number

“I am a 76-year-old widow. For two years, I have been dating a man who is 12 years younger than I am. (I look 10 years younger than my age.) My boyfriend knows I’m older than he is, but he doesn’t know by how much. I have never lied to him, but I have refused to discuss the matter. We are now talking about living together. I know I should tell him my age before he moves in, but I’m afraid it will end our relationship. I’m plagued with stress about this. What should I do?

“GOOD GENES

“If your boyfriend really cared about your age, he would probably know it by now. Your refusal to tell him would not be the final word here. So, it’s possible you’re worried over nothing. It’s also possible that the age gap — and your insistence on keeping it secret — may spook him. (So far, I’ve been a big help, right?)

“The bigger issue, as I see it, is your stress level: Better to tell him and let the chips fall where they may than to worry constantly about something you can’t change. He’s going to find out eventually.”

Champ Althea emailed: “In my dating escapades of the past, I have met many ‘Johns’” (Althea is referring to the Where is John? eNewsletter title from three weeks ago).

“One guy I thought might stick as a good friendship or maybe more. In Feb. 2016, he lived in Nevada, a two-hour drive away.

“Over the 2-3 months we saw each other, he spent a few days with me twice and I spent a few days at his place once. There was no sex. Hugs and a few kisses. He had a female dog – Grace! and I have a dog. Even the dogs got along great.

“I forget what his wife had died from, but I know he had to take care of her for a while, and when he learned of my slowly debilitating arthritis, he called me one day and said this wasn’t going to work between us because he didn’t want to go through caring for a disabled woman again. (That’s what he said in a nutshell). C’est La Vie!

“I had a lunch date with a new man yesterday (July 21, 2022). He’s not a ‘John;’ His name is Jay, he’s 84 and is a widower living in El Dorado Hills, which is a 25-minute drive away. We met on OurTime. He had looked at my profile and I saw that he lived close by, so I contacted him on July 14. I asked if he would like to meet for coffee sometime to see what we might have in common to develop a friendship.

“He wrote back that he had a pet cow named Daisy Mae – that nailed it for me! Lol. He is in a car club that takes a lot of day trips, and like me, his mind hadn’t caught up to his age. He said we could meet for lunch one day and see what happens.

“We exchanged more emails with chit-chat about his cow. He said he lost his dog just a few weeks ago (turns out it was a German Shepherd and he’s had a few over the years, so he’s a dog lover as well.) My next step was to see if he was willing to be completely open and I asked for his full name and phone number. I gave him mine. I got his back quickly and looked him up in the White Pages. He’s for real, so then we made the plan for lunch.

“He showed up early, and so did I, but he was there first. A plus in my book. And he was very nice, made fun conversation with a hint of a sense of humor, and all went well. In the parking lot, he showed me one of his classic cars, a 1971 VW Bug…yellow with yellow leather interior! Very cute. We parted with both of us saying we’d like to do this again, and off we went.

“So, we’ll see. He’s 11 years older; I’m not used to the guy being older, but I figure with my arthritis limitations, being older than me is better at this stage, so I can keep up!

Any predictions?

I emailed back: “Predictions? Not at this stage, but so far so good. To have a new friend at this stage of both your lives is a huge plus. Keep it going. This doesn’t have to be teenage-type love, but the social interaction is beneficial as well. People who love animals likely have warm hearts. I don’t know of any guy who has a pet cow. What a plus. And what fun!

“Continue to be upbeat and appreciative toward him and keep it going.”

Althea responded: “My thinking is the same…an animal lover has a big heart and is a kind, warm person. He struck me that way right off. I’ve always loved cows…my father grew up on a farm and his family had cows, chickens, and a few horses that I got to see when I was young.

“I told Jay I’d love to see his cow sometime so let’s see if he follows up on that. A friendship with him would be a plus for sure. It was brutally hot yesterday, 97, when we went to lunch and going to hit 95 today with all next week in the same area of ’90s, so our next get together might not be for a while.”

Althea may have just coined a new senior dating pickup line. In the past, when a guy was trying to entice a woman to come to his house, he might have said, “Would you like to see my etchings?” Now, he might say, “Would you like to see my cow?”

In 2020, I published an ebook titled, “Senior Dating: Does Age Matter?” In the book, I discuss the pros and cons of dating someone younger and/or older (and considerably older or younger as well). The book’s content is still applicable today.

You can go to the Smashwords.com site and read 10 percent of the book for no cost. Smashwords has an online reading option where you don’t have to load the book onto your computer, you just click on “online reader.” Of course, you can download the book onto your reading device. If you purchase the ebook before this Sunday night (when Smashwords’ July sale ends), it’s $2.66. After that, it’s $3.55. Here’s the link:

**Chris, Tina, Tom, and Greta** – very sadly noted that our dear friend Chris passed away in July, 2022

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1015582

4 reasons why high school reunions are good places to meet for senior singles

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 13, 2022

Columnist Tom Blake

Why high school reunions are good places for seniors to meet

In my April 29 “Big Yellow Taxi” article, I wrote about a couple who started dating after reuniting at their high school reunion in 2018. The woman lives in Illinois; the man lives in California, near his three daughters, seven grandchildren, and his 96-year-old mom.

The woman is frustrated because they live so far apart. She wonders if she’s wasting her time with him. Over the years, many Champs have shared their stories of meeting a mate at a high school reunion. Some of those meetings have led to marriages.

Champs responded to the Big Yellow Taxi article, including Althea, who wrote:

“Your recent article inspired me to share this high school reunion story with you. My half-brother, Ray, who is now 89, was married for over 50 years to Shirley and widowed in March 2010 at the age of 77.

“In 2011, there was a summer high school class reunion in our hometown of Foxboro, Massachusetts, which he attended. He was living in South Carolina.

“At that reunion, he met Diane, a woman he had known in high school, who graduated a year after he graduated. He knew her through a family member of hers. She is a retired nurse and a widow with five kids, and Ray, a widower, also has five kids.

“Diane lived in Ohio. Ray visited her there and she visited him in South Carolina. Plus, between visits, they spent a lot of time talking over the phone.

“Ray and Diane married a year after Shirley died. I thought it was crazy and disrespectful to his wife of 50-plus years until I talked to him and my nephew, his oldest son, about it. They both said that Shirley wanted Ray to be happy and not be alone for the rest of his years.

“Even though Ray and Diane married quickly, they are still together and happy, now living in Ohio in an assisted living facility.

“I’ll even bet he and Shirley had a lot of talks about what he would do after her death.

“The key to senior relationships is honest and upfront communication. The woman from your most recent article needs to have communication with the California guy if they are to be a forever couple who met at a high school reunion.”

Another high school reunion romance (years later)

In 2017, I wrote about two of my Jackson High School Jackson Michigan school classmates—Phil and Sue—who hadn’t seen or communicated with each other since graduation. At our 50^th high school reunion in 2007, they spent 20 minutes talking to each other. Both were married at the time. I mentioned them again a few weeks ago as well.

Five years ago, Phil became a widower. He heard from another classmate that Sue was divorced. He lived in California; Sue lived in Michigan. He contacted her and asked if he could visit her. She said yes, and off he went driving to Michigan.

When they were together in Michigan for a week, they realized they had special feelings for each other. After he returned home to California, he proposed to her over the phone. They were married at the Riverside County Courthouse two weeks later and Sue moved to California to be with Phil.

These two reunion stories reveal

four reasons why high school reunions are good places for seniors to meet potential mates:

1. The number of singles attending. As we age, more and more people who attend reunions are single again. Often widows and widowers attend because they know the people and feel more comfortable among them.

2. A single person might see someone who they had secretly admired in high school, who is also now single. Why not spend some time together?

3. When people who have known each other for years share memories and experiences at class reunions, they often have much in common, which is an important factor in favorable compatibility.

4. Sometimes, people from different graduating classes also attend reunions, which means even more singles are there. You might meet someone who could be older or younger than whom you didn’t even know before.

One added note about high school or college reunions: often, the people you meet live in a different city or state. So, a long-distance relationship could evolve. That can present challenges for people who want to be together. Bottom line: nothing’s easy in senior dating.

When you receive that reunion notice, don’t just toss it aside. An unexpected meeting could happen. “But, but,” the Champ says, “my reunion is in Michigan, and I live in Ushuaia (Argentina).”

Here is a photo from my 60th high school class reunion

60th reunion Jackson High School class of 1957 (This group attended Griswold middle school together as well as high school)

The Courageous 8

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – March 11, 2022

By: Tom Blake – Columnist

The Courageous 8

(Today’s eNewsletter has been edited for length and clarity)

Today I mention eight courageous women whom I admire. Seven are Champs. In the future, we will do more articles on courageous Champs – both women and men– because we have a lot of them who fall under the courageous umbrella.

And what helps me identify these courageous seniors is when they email me with stories, experiences, questions, and thoughts. Here are The Courageous 8:

Devone
Devone emailed this January saying: “I moved from Dana Point three years ago to the outskirts of Austin, Texas.

“I just turned 63. As a single parent, I got two kids through junior high, high school, and college on my own. They are living with their partners and doing well. My daughter, 28, graduated with a degree in psychology from Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff and recently from nursing school in Scottsdale. She starts her first job as a RN on 1/31/22 in Arizona. She just got engaged to her college sweetheart.

“My son graduated from UC Santa Barbara. He just turned 31 and lives right on Hermosa Beach, in CA, with his girlfriend. He will be proposing to her in the next three months. He is an area manager for a large corporation

“I have since bought a home at the Lake, outside Austin in Hill Country and plan on retiring in the next 4-5 years when my house should be paid off.

I’m open to meeting someone in CA, AZ or around the Austin TX area, as I plan on keeping the house in Texas as a base, where there are no state taxes. I will travel a lot when I retire. I am seeking a partner who is also a strong Christian as I attend church, and God comes first with me.”

Tom’s comment: Any parent–woman, or man– who raises a child or children on their own gets a gold star from me.

Donna

I’ve known Donna for nearly 20 years. Her significant other, Bob, and I worked for the Orange County Register newspaper years ago. I took a photo of Bob, Donna and Greta when the four of us had dinner 17 years ago.

Donna notified me last August that Bob had passed away. She said, “He was a kind and gentle soul. He moved in with me two years ago because he couldn’t take care of himself. Very sad. It was difficult.”

At Thanksgiving time, she responded to the eNewsletter about the Palm Springs Living Desert zoo by writing, “Thanks for the reminder to focus on the positive. That’s how I try to live life.”

In early December she emailed: “I am finishing up my last semester at OCC (Orange Coast College) on December 19. I count my blessings every day, and I have my daughter and friends who have been very kind and helpful, as well as pets to ease the loneliness.”

I asked Donna last week how she was doing. Donna wrote, “I am okay, taking it one day at a time. I took care of Bob full time for two years while teaching full time, with intermittent stays for at least the last five years when he would be hospitalized and needed help when he got out. He was suffering so much at the end. Holding his hand while he died was by far the toughest thing I’ve ever done, but I wouldn’t change it if I could.

“He had such a zest for life, so I hold onto that and know he would want me to make the most of each day.”

Bob O’Linto, Donna, and Greta – 2005 (photo by Tom whose reflection is in the window)

Tom’s comment: “A simultaneous full-time caregiver and a full-time teacher for two years” explains why I consider Donna to be a courageous woman.”

Jkaren

Jkaren wrote, “I’ve lived 30 years in San Clemente and have been one of your readers for 25 years.

“We are all blessed to live in America and have our freedom. Instead of retiring I went ahead and refired. My energy level did not waiver. At 62, I opened my 1st shop–Mobile Sewing and Upholstery—and have been serving our community ever since. I fell into repairing wet suits about 15 years ago and love my surfers who call me ‘Granny J.’

“When the pandemic hit, I loved to go to San Onofre Beach to hear the waves and read a good book, which made my days happy.

“At 70, each summer I’d drive to BC Canada where I built custom tiny houses. Up there, I SUP (Standup Paddle Board) with beavers and wildlife and fish from a paddle board. I had no problem at the border as I’m legal in both the USA and Canada. I was part of the classic car events that opened the Talega community in San Clemente and the Beach Fire restaurant with my ‘67 Corvette.

“Last year I came back from BC with an old 1969 classic 12ft trailer I’m restoring. The 1990 red Chevy in the picture has been in San Clemente since I moved here. My dad taught me as a kid that busy hands make the heart happy.

“What’s there in life but to live to help others and stay healthy? Granny J”

Tom’s comment: A woman who drives from Canada to San Clemente in a 1990 Chevy pickup truck towing a 1969 trailer that she is restoring is courageous.

Norma

Norma, 84, emailed: “Your classmate Phil (from last week’s eNewsletter) who married Sue and then four months later passed away was in my church group. He liked to talk, which is why I know so much about him. In the spring of 2016, he made a trip around So Cal to see classmates–you were probably one of them. He was looking forward to his 60th class reunion; he talked about it for two or three years. Sad, he did not get to go. I read your email every week.

Tom’s comment: Any person who reads my weekly column at age 84 has great courage!

Joannah

Joannah is Greta’s daughter Tina’s mother-in-law. She’s a widow now. She and her husband Bob were special. They were kind, gentle, wise, considerate, and caring. That’s what I remember most about them when Greta and I stayed with them at their home in Mt. Pleasant, Utah about 15 years ago. We slept in their converted basement.

A year ago, although Jo was still dealing with having lost Bob, she sent me a hand-written letter of condolence in January 2021, when my brother Bill passed away. It was the only written letter I received. Jo has the same wonderful qualities my mom had, among those was an amazing empathy for others.

She emailed in early February, “It will be four years in August since I lost my sweetheart…this will be my third Valentine’s Day…and it was one of our favorite days! And still is! Gives me a reason to recall many memories of 63 years of Valentine kisses.”

Tom’s comment: “Jo is a lovely woman with the courage to love life and her family, even after her biggest loss. She’s the type of person who makes others around her feel comfortable and important. That’s a heck of a quality to have.

Althea

Althea is one of our Champs. She’s had tough issues in her life and yet exudes a positive attitude and often contributes input to the eNewsletter.

For the last 4 ½ years, she’s lived in the Yuba City, California, home of an elderly couple, Sherman and Norma, caregiving them and helping with whatever needs came up, in exchange for room and board.

Althea explains: “Sherman took me in when I was about to be homeless. In exchange, he got someone to be with Norma when he’s away on fishing trips, someone to help with meals, etc., and to be here anytime he’s out running errands and away for a few hours.

“Norma’s dementia is still in the mid-stages, and she hasn’t gotten much worse since I moved. Norma can be a handful and she argues a lot and asks the same questions repeatedly…within minutes sometimes.”

Althea emailed an update last week: “I wanted to share my excitement and tell you about my new PAD! (hippie speak). I drove 1 ½ hours to Placerville on Tuesday and signed the lease on my new place. It’s only going to be $365. a month for rent, – YIPPEE – and had to give a security deposit of $500. I wrote them a post-dated check because my Soc. Sec. money doesn’t go into my bank until the 3rd. I told the new landlord, “Please don’t deposit it until today.

“Then yesterday I called movers for quotes, and I have a 5-star rated company coming to pack me on Sunday, THIS SUNDAY (March 6), and then they will move me on Monday.

“I AM SO PSYCHED. My credit cards will skyrocket again! But I’ll be in my own place and damn, the bill collectors can try and pry me out of that place! LOL.

“I hope my story gives willpower to women to keep persevering even when things look bleak or hopeless.”

Tom’s comment: Althea’s story will nudge Champs to realize how fortunate they are.

Geody

Geody is a woman of enormous courage and strength. She lives in San Juan Capistrano, Ca. Her husband Richard founded Dana Point Auto Service years ago. He was a classic in Dana Point. One of most recognized people in our small city of 30,000 people. Together they did much for charity.

Geody was Richard’s strength. She was a caregiver to him for the last few years. He passed away in 2021. She continues to manage and oversee Dana Point Auto.

At a recent Dana Point Chamber of Commerce mixer, Greta and I met Geody’s and Richard’s children and grandchildren. What a beautiful family.

Not only does Geody arrive at Dana Point Auto most everyday in the morning, but she personally drove her SUV across the country with only her dog for company to see her daughter and grandkids in Florida, while staying overnight at SUV parks, along the way. To do that solo takes courage. Plus, she’s in her 70s.

Candice

Candice is not a senior nor a Champ. In fact, she’s about half our age. But she’s a woman of courage. Her office is small, about 12 feet by 24” wide. It’s a SUP (stand-up paddleboard). Every day at work, Candice faces the elements: great white sharks, sea lions, pelicans, and often iffy weather.

She’s usually at work by 8 a.m., on the ocean, giving SUP lessons to men and women who are hoping to become accomplished paddle boarders.

She’s one of the best woman paddleboarders in the world, having won several world competitions.

I personally witnessed Candice’s courage a year ago (and wrote about it in our eNewsletter) when she saw an injured baby sea lion, trying to swim while gasping for air in Dana Point Harbor. Sea lions have razor-sharp teeth. Yet, she lifted the pup onto her paddleboard and had a friend who was with her contact the Marine Mammal Rescue Center via cell phone.

When Candice reached Baby Beach, 20 minutes later, a rescue team was waiting on the shore to whisk the injured pup to its facility in Laguna Beach. I took the picture of Candace with the sea lion at Baby Beach.

Candice is an inspiration to the many senior women and men who take paddling lessons from her (often at 8:00 a.m.).

As I stated above, we will do more columns about our courageous Champs—men and women–as the stories arrive in my inbox.

Turn the page – another year begins

Pre-Christmas meal at Greta’s son’s home (photo courtesy Tony Marchello)

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter December 31, 2021
by Tom Blake – columnist

Turn the Page – another year begins

My partner Greta and I have taken the Covid concerns seriously. Both of us have had two Covid vaccinations and a booster shot. Our health seems good.

At our age, we’ve got to be careful. Like most people in the United States, we are concerned about the Omicron variant of Covid that is spreading rapidly. Hence, we avoid crowds and have no cruises planned.

On Thursday, December 16, we decided not to attend our Dana Point Chamber of Commerce monthly indoor Meet and Greet party. We didn’t want to risk it. And the office Christmas party scheduled for Friday, December 17 at the home of our newspaper publisher and his wife was canceled due to renewed Covid concerns.

Greta and I had been looking forward to that event, especially to spend time with another couple (Dominque and Tom) who are friends and who are also associated with the newspaper. Tom is a columnist for the San Clemente Times, for which I also write. And his wife Dominque worked with Greta in Special Education for years. We replaced the canceled event that Friday evening by inviting Tom and Dominque to our home for a light meal and a glass of wine.

Plans for Christmas week

Our Christmas week plans were small—only joining a few family members. On Thursday, the night before Christmas Eve, we were having dinner at Greta’s son Tony and Joann’s home (pictured above), with two of Greta’s grandchildren.

On Christmas Eve., we were going to Greta’s daughter Tina’s home with her husband and two more of Greta’s grandchildren, plus one of their other friends. Just five others, and us.

And on Christmas day, we were scheduled to go to San Diego to my sister Pam’s home, with her husband Bob, and my other sister, Christine. This was to be a particularly important event for Pam, Christine, and me, as our only brother passed away in January. There are only three of us left in our family.

On Wednesday, December 22, mid-afternoon, five days after Tom and Dominque were at our home, Dominque called Greta to say that she had tested positive for Covid. And while Greta and I felt no symptoms, we wanted to get a rapid-results Covid test. We didn’t want to endanger any members of our family. But where to get a test on such short notice?

I checked online. CVS pharmacy seemed to be the place of choice, but every location in Orange County required an appointment and there were no appointments available before Christmas. We asked Dominque where she had been tested: South County Urgent Care Talega, in San Clemente.

We telephoned. Yes, they were accepting walk-ins but advised us that they were busy and there could be a bit of a wait. Greta and I were in the car within minutes and arrived at the South County Urgent Care place 25 minutes later. We signed up for the rapid-results test. The nice woman told us getting tested would be an hour’s wait, and because all seats in the waiting area were taken, we could wait in our car if we preferred (it was more of a suggestion; it was please do it).

She would text us when our turn was up. We decided that would be the wisest thing to do.

I’m about as patient as a puppy. After three minutes of sitting in the car, I said to Greta: “Let’s take a drive and see if we can find a fast-food place where we can grab a beverage and perhaps use the restroom before we’re called for our test.” I wasn’t familiar with that part of San Clemente, so I just started driving. Within five minutes, we saw a mini shopping center with a couple of restaurants.

One place was called Wow Poki, which sold poke bowls. In we went. We ordered a poke bowl and a beverage and drove back to the parking lot of South Coast Urgent Care. We had a delightful, delicious, light dinner–each using different forks and paper plates—in case one of us would test positive—in the front seat of the car.

Shortly after our meal, the text came; Urgent Care was ready for us. We went in and filled out the paperwork. We were surprised that the rapid test would cost us $100 each. But, to be with our families at Christmas, we willingly accepted the price. I had been tested three times before, so I knew what to expect. Greta hadn’t had a Covid test yet. She was a bit uncomfortable when the cotton swab was inserted into her nose, but the doctor was gentle and considerate.

He said we’d have the results in 10 minutes. So, there we sat, for the longest 10 minutes of our lives. “What if?” “What if?” “What if?” We kept thinking. And then the doctor returned and handed us our results: Both negative.

Oh my gosh, what a relief. The first thing Greta did in the car was call Dominque to tell her the good news. She was ecstatic, so pleased we were okay, and she was feeling well. We also reflected on how wise my newspaper publishers had been in canceling the office party, which avoided approximately 20 other people being exposed to Covid.

When we got home, you bet we had a wine-glass toast to each other. How lucky we felt. However, we realize that we still must be careful. One test doesn’t guarantee we won’t be exposed again. And our three Christmas visits went off without a hitch. Plus, we have a new poke restaurant to frequent.
Happy New Year Champs!

Which online dating site is best for seniors?

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 19, 2021

by Columnist Thomas P Blake

Which online dating site is best for seniors?

During the pandemic, most single seniors didn’t interact face-to-face with people, so many of them decided to give online dating a try. Several were frustrated with the experience. Some seniors don’t internet date at all. Connie emailed me about the difficulty she’s had when trying to meet men. She wrote, “I have never been on an online dating site. I prefer the old-fashioned way (of meeting men).”

I assume what Connie’s “old-fashioned way” term means to her is networking through friends and/or going to public places where she might by chance meet a guy.

I’ve often been asked by seniors, “Which online dating site is right for me?”

Take Ellen for example. She wrote: “I am a widow, 66, and recently retired. So, I’m starting a new chapter in my life. When I think of the future and see myself alone for the rest of my life, that makes me feel sad. However, when I look at my life today, I am happy–busy with kids, grandkids, hobbies, and church.

“I tried online dating for a few years. Tried them all: eHarmony, Plenty of Fish (POF), Catholic Match, Senior Dating, and OurTime. I met some nice people, but nothing clicked.“More times than not when I emailed someone, I never got a response. After a while, it just wasn’t worth the work anymore, and Internet dating is a lot of work. I keep my options open, but I figure at this stage I am pretty well done with online looking. But I am certainly open if I meet someone in person.”

I’m not an Internet dating expert. After all, I’ve been with Greta for 24 years and have never been on an Internet dating site. So, how do I advise women like Ellen to find the right dating site?

I turn to an expert dating and relationship coach I’ve known for 20+ years, who is also a Champ. Her name is Christine Baumgartner; she lives in Orange County, California, and calls her business “The Perfect Catch.” She helps clients all over the United States, not just in the OC.

Recently, Christine posted comments on Facebook under the title, “Which Internet dating site is ‘the best’ one?” I felt what Christine wrote was so informative for single senior daters that I chose to share some of her highlights in this week’s eNewsletter.

When Christine is asked by a client which dating site is the best one, her reply is, “This may surprise you, They’re generally all the same.”

But she points out that certain sites have a particular focus such as religious beliefs or sites that cater to a variety of age groups, including sites for seniors.
Christine said, “In reality, the outcome of a person’s online dating experience or your own experience often has more to do with some of the following…

“Your attitude toward yourself, the opposite sex, and dating in general. In particular, many people tend to struggle if they have negative opinions about the opposite sex (due to past dating experiences).”

“Profile content and photos. Many of us are tempted to lie about our age or touch up our pictures.” She stresses that singles should be honest with what they post.

“Persistence. Some people give up quickly when dating doesn’t turn out to be what they were looking for.” Christine recommends people adopt a stick-with-it attitude.

Christine concluded, “I have clients who have met their significant others on dating sites after we worked on these things together. I’ve found that it’s usually not the site causing a person to not find the right date…it’s the person not using the site to that person’s best advantage.”

If I were single and trying to figure out how best to meet someone, I’d contact Christine. She’s a widow and has walked the walk. Not to mention that she is one of the nicest human beings one will ever meet. No wonder she does so well at helping senior singles who are struggling to find their way. Here is Christine’s picture:

Christine’s email is christine@theperfect catch.com and her website is www.ThePerfectCatch.com

Contact her, you’ll be pleased that you did.

New York Times Wedding for our Champ

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – November 12, 2021

by Columnist Thomas P Blake

Part 1 – Great news!

I think most of you will remember our Champ Ginny, age 80, from articles written April 23 and April 30, 2021, in our eNewsletter. Ginny met an old friend, Harry, who was shooting pool with his buddies at the Pennsylvania senior center where Ginny volunteered.

We first wrote about her in April. Although Harry is seven years older, they had known each other for 65+ years. Harry was a widower who had been married for 59 years. Ginny and Harry started dating in 2013 but he emphatically stressed to her, “No marriage or living together.”

The couple’s situation started to change this summer. Harry’s hard-core position on marriage softened. Ginny kept us posted. A wedding was planned for November 2021. Then the wedding was moved to September.

Then, this started to happen: One of our Champs and loyal followers is New York Times wedding columnist Tammy Lagorce. Tammy asked for permission to contact Ginny and then Tammy did what all good columnists do–dig in deeper, getting the facts.

Tammy wrote an article on Harry and Ginny’s wedding, which appeared in the Times on November 5. Wedding pictures included. It’s awesome (the link is below). The featured picture at the opening of this column is not Ginny and Harry. It was a wedding couple that Greta and I saw in Praque in 2007. They might have been 20 years old, not in their 80s.

After reading last week’s eNewsletter about Abba, Tammy emailed: “Thank you so much for pointing me in her (Ginny’s) direction, and please keep me posted on other Champs who are ready to tie the knot. You are a treasure trove of great stories! I appreciate you.”

So, Champs, if you are thinking of tying the knot, let us know so we can pass the word on to Tammy.

By the way, Ginny and Harry have a unique relationship: a LAT-M (Living Apart Together-Marriage).

Link to NY Times link about a Champ’s wedding

Part 2 – Two websites that help seniors combat fraud and romance scams

Do you know that a “friend request” you receive on Facebook, or an offer for a free COVID-19 test on Instagram might be from a romance scammer trying to steal your money?

Are you aware that a phone call from a number you don’t recognize might be from a con artist claiming to work for the IRS who declares if you don’t pay delinquent back taxes that very day you will be jailed?

Romance scammers are con artists. They are experts at defrauding people. Romance scammers slowly gain the trust of vulnerable, lonely people, often seniors or widows, and sooner or later start asking for money. Millions of dollars have been stolen from unsuspecting seniors.

The United States Senate Special Committee on Aging is so concerned about seniors being scammed that it publishes an annual interactive Fraud Book that anyone can view online by searching on “Senate Interactive Fraud Report.” The book is free to download. Do not download other fraud books that cost money that might appear on the search page.

In a recent Senate Fraud Book I read, the opening Dear Friends letter said: “In 2020, the FTC estimated that Americans ages 60 and older lost at least $602 million to fraud, scams, and financial exploitation schemes.” The Fraud Book supplies tips from the FBI, FTC, and FCC on how to spot romance scammers and information from the FBI describing common techniques used by romance scammers, and details about Covid 19-related romance scams. The book includes a toll-free Fraud Hotline to report scams.

Another valuable tool for seniors for reading about romance and other scams is provided by the AARP Fraud Resource Center. The AARP Fraud Resource Center lists information on 76 different types of scams and fraud plus other valuable information. It can be accessed online by searching on “AARP Scams & Fraud.”

After studying the Senate Fraud Report and the AARP Scams & Fraud pages, I compiled a list of 10 tips for seniors to avoid fraud and romance scams

Tom’s 10 romance scam tips

1. To be better informed about fraud and scams, seniors should read and study the U.S. Senate Committee on Aging’s Fraud Report and the AARP Scams & Fraud pages.

2. If a person on a dating site says he or she is working overseas, it’s a red flag. Stop communications with that person

3. Trust your instincts. If someone sounds too good to be true, that person is likely a scammer

4. If a person says that meeting you was fate and he or she is quickly falling in love with you, it is a lie. A person cannot fall in love with someone he or she has never met face-to-face

5. Do not send pictures of yourself or supply personal information such as your home address to someone you’ve never met

6. Don’t be fooled by simple trinket-type gifts a person sends (if he or she has your address). The scammer gets the gifts for free from the scamming company

7. If a person says he or she is planning to visit you, and then cancels, he or she is likely a scammer

8. Never send money to anyone you don’t know personally or do not help a friend send money

9. Do not answer your phone if you don’t recognize the number calling you

10. Discuss your doubts or suspicious activity with friends or contact someone like me for an opinion. Or call the fraud hotline number listed in the Senate Fraud Report. Let’s put an end to romance scams. Beware of those social media “friend requests” and other warning signals.

Here are the two most important links I have provided to readers in the 26 years of writing newsletters and newspaper columns: AARP Fraud Watch Network
Link to AARP Fraud Watch

U.S. Senate’s Fraud Report
Link to Senate Fraud Report

What became of the 58 Couples?

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – October 22, 2021

What became of the 58 couples?

In 2009, I published “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50.” The book was based on information that 58 Champ couples had provided. You may think “58” is a misprint, but it’s not. After the cover artwork was finished, eight more stories came in. My editor said, “Don’t change the artwork or book title, it’s catchy and would be expensive to change. Include the eight new stories; think of them as bonus stories.”

How 50 Couples Found Love After 50 book cover by Tom Blake — **There are actually 58 stories of how couples met in this book**

I was honored to have John Gray, author of, “Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus” provide an endorsement on the book’s front cover, which reads, “Tom Blake is an expert on dating after 50.” How he knew that I have no idea, but I’ll accept it as a compliment.

I’ve often thought about what became of those 58 couples. I am aware of what happened to 14 couples. Some have split; some have become widows or widowers and about seven couples are still together.

If any of you are reading this eNewsletter today and were included in the book, please update me on what the status is of your relationship. If I hear from enough people, I might consider publishing an update to that book.

And, of course, I know the status of couple #58. That would be Greta and Tom, together for 24 years. They look like the couple on the front cover of the book, standing near the St. Francis of Assisi Cathedral in Italy.

This week I learned from Champ Lisa (Chapter 23) what became of her and her husband John. They divorced. He remarried; she’s happily single. She’s led a rather fascinating life.

Since her divorce from John, Lisa has had a long-distance relationship with a man 9 1/2 years younger. However, Lisa says “We met 10 years ago. Dated exclusively for two years and remain good friends. We met on Match.com.

“Sadly, our distance and interests preclude it from being more. He lives on Kodiak Island, Alaska, and doesn’t enjoy the heat. I live in Naples, Florida, and don’t enjoy the cold. No regrets, only fond memories.

“He is still hooked on my ‘candied bourbon bacon’ and he has sent me a lot of incredible sport-caught wild Alaskan fish in exchange for my bacon. We are no longer dating each other but have remained friends. I am so lucky.

“WILD King Salmon, Halibut, Sockeye, Rockfish, shrimp, scallops. He says his popularity in the local hunting/fishing community goes up when my bacon shows up. He sent a video of his tour guide on a recent hiking/camping adventure, shouting from a mountain top, that stated, “Lisa, if you are even half as awesome as your bacon, you are amazing.’ It’s a fun friendship. I have no clue about his romantic life, nor he about mine. It never comes up.”

Brief responses to the second-date kiss issue

S (woman) emailed, “Second date kissing? That wasn’t kissing, that was full slobbering making out. Totally inappropriate!”

Larry, “I’m surprised Gypsy didn’t floor the guy and yell, ‘Help, I’m being attacked.”

T (woman), “On a second date, I may expect a kiss but definitely not the kind Gypsy got from him. He was disrespectful of her. Rude!”

Susan, “I had the same thing happen to me and decided not to accept any further dates with the guy. He felt it appropriate to shove his tongue down my throat and not stop when I tried to push him away. I had to slide away in a less than graceful and desperate movement.”

A (woman), “I’ve had that happen to me too, many times, when I was in my 60s and dating. Most of those times were from men younger than I.”

My opinion: The guy was disgusting. A total jerk. Men should never force a mouth-to-mouth kiss on a woman.

And this

John, “The 68-year-old woman who is convinced that men in their 50s are after her for sex is proof that hope springs eternal.”

Let us hear from you

I’m inviting all Champs who have never emailed me to send in comments regarding senior living and dating in the cities and states in which they reside.

Senior dating and living topics

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 15, 2021
by Tom Blake

Protecting personal information

Champ Christine Baumgartner, our expert dating and relationship coach, shared a couple of notes about protecting personal information:

1.    I’ve mentioned to my female clients to create a free Gmail address to use exclusively for their online dating. This will protect their personal information because as Tom mentioned, most of us have a way to ‘track us’ through our regular email address.

2.    I also mention to them to sign up for a free phone number through Google Voice. It helps you protect your personal information just like the Gmail address does. Google assigns you an anonymous phone number that will route a call to your cell phone (just like online dating routes emails through their site to your personal email address).

What do single younger men want?

One woman Champ said, “On my ‘regular’ online dating site, I get contacted by many guys in their 50s. I am 68. I would NEVER go with anyone that young. And I’m sure I know what they are looking for.”   I asked her what that might be? Money? She responded: “S E X geez, had to spell it out?”

She has responded before. She always adds a negative comment whenever she writes. No wonder she can’t find guys to date–the negativism shows through and is a turnoff to men.

My comment. “You say that guys in their 50s want to have sex with women near 70. RealIy? I think guys in their 50s want to have sex with women in their 40s. Silly me, I thought money might be the primary reason why women want older men.”

One male Champ responded to her: “She’s not living in reality. Hope springs eternal.”

Another woman Champ asked me to keep my eyes and ears open for single guys for her. She wrote: “Location doesn’t matter because I’m willing to relocate. I’ll be 75 next month.”

And then she listed the specific religion he must belong to and the specific political party he must belong to.

My reply: At 75, location does matter? What if the guy lives 150+ miles away? How far is he going to be willing to travel to meet you and then to get to know you well enough to have you relocate to live with him?

I don’t discuss religion or politics in my writing. However, without taking sides, I will say this: requiring a man or a woman to be of a specific religion and a specific political party will severely limit the number of men available to her, particularly if she is geographically undesirable for them.

A male Champ stated that any woman in his life must be willing to attend Mass with him. He didn’t mention political party affiliation, but it’s likely also a factor with him.

Lunch with the newest Champ Greta and I had lunch this week with our newest Champ, Jo, who said, “I’m 87. I have no interest in dating. I just enjoy your eNewsletter.” Jo is one sharp cookie and a beautiful person.

A full dance-card

Linda, Murrieta, California, emailed, “If you want to stay busy and possibly keep your dance card full, living in a 55-plus community with amenities is the way to go. These are tailored to my interests but there are so many more activities. Bingo every Friday night and it’s open to the public.

Line Dancing Saturday morning at 9:30

Aerobics, MWF at 9:45. Karaoke once a month. Genealogy once a month. Wine Club once a month. Tuesday Night Social, every week at 5.“There are card clubs, tennis, golf, and pickleball. If you don’t have fun, it’s your own fault.”

Tom’s comment: Unfortunately, not everyone can afford to live in one of those 55+ communities. My mom did, for 30 years, a place called Oakmont, in Santa Rosa, California, and loved it. My siblings and I were blessed that she could afford it.”

Second-date familiarity A woman who describes herself as Gypsy is hoping to get opinions from Champs about a man’s second-date behavior. She wrote, “On our second date, he kissed me full on the mouth without an invite, not unusual, but he kept kissing me to the point of it being uncomfortable. I pulled away. Had it been on the cheek or top of the head, it would have been acceptable. As candid as our Champs are, it would be interesting to hear what they think of this familiarity on a second date. I don’t recall seeing an article or debate on the topic.”

Tom comment: Oh yikes, I think I’ll withhold my opinion, and ask our Champs if any of them will chime in. Can’t withhold my opinion: the guy was obnoxious.

One other item – Tom’s speech upcoming at Dana Point Historical Society

I mentioned that I will be the speaker at the Dana Point Historical Society meeting on Wednesday, October 27, at 7 p.m. in the Dana Point City Hall Chambers Meeting room. The topic: My new book, “Tutor & Spunky’s Deli. A Dana Point Landmark.” There is no charge to attend. (See book cover image below)
However, seating will be very limited (55 people or less). I was previously told that a reservation would be required but that has changed. You can simply come to attend. I recommend arriving by 6:45 to ensure you won’t be standing in the hallway trying to listen. I’ll have some books to sign with me.
Thanks for responding with your dating experiences and questions, which are essential in keeping our information fresh.