Tom Blake columnist – Page 2 – On Life and Love after 50

Reasons why married couples read this eNewsletter

**Ted and Marcia – Today’s featured couple – married 60 years**

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – August 6, 2021
By: Tom Blake Columnist

Reasons why senior married couples read this eNewsletter

About 10 years ago, I changed the name of this eNewsletter from Finding Love After 50 to On Life and Love After 50.

Why did I make the change?

I had started to hear from Champs that many were interested in topics other than just about senior dating. Some said they had met a mate and now wanted to hear more about other senior issues. Some had given up on meeting a mate and didn’t want to hear solely about dating. Heck, even some got married and had questions about later-in-life marriage issues.

Overall, Champs wanted to hear how other seniors were dealing with and coping with senior age-related issues.

Plus, I wanted to write about other topics in addition to keeping my toe in the dating, relationships-information waters. For example, Champs wanted to hear about the travels that Greta and I had taken, especially after we retired.
So, to keep up with the digital age, I changed the direction of the topics slightly.

However, a good old senior love story was still highly coveted.
I have always known that a good number of Champs are married or in long-term relationships. And I’m always curious why those people continue to read the eNewsletter.

Here’s a summary of what some have said:

“I read it when I was single; now that I’m married, I still enjoy it and learn from it.”

“Because people marry doesn’t mean they stop learning about other people.”

The most frequently stated reason is that when married people read about the woes and challenges of senior dating, it makes them appreciate their spouses more. They’ve said to me, “After reading what some of those singles go through; I’m holding my spouse close and never letting go. None of that senior single stuff for me.”

And when they say that, it pleases me.

One reason I don’t like to hear is when someone says, “I’m not happy in my (marriage, relationship, etc.,) and want to read what single life is like, as I may be back in it soon.” My hope is they will reconsider and stay married.

As always, my hope is to receive stories and comments from Champs. And today’s story comes from a man I’ve known a long time. Finally, this week, he agreed to share his story. He is married. His name is Ted; his wife’s name is Marcia. And that’s their picture above, taken two weeks ago (in July 2021).

And this is their story below, in the next section.

Ted and Marcia
Ted emailed, “Tom, you’d like this gal! Marcia is four years younger than I am and was just 18 and a recent high school graduate when we were married. I had just graduated from Albion College (Michigan) and was headed to the University of Michigan Law School. “People thought such a marriage could never last. But Harriett Pitts (high school English Literature teacher) would have smiled had she heard us discussing Shakespeare and great books while we courting.

“Marcia and I will be celebrating our 60th wedding anniversary in August. She grew up in Marshall, Michigan, and worked at the local radio station in nearby Albion during her junior and senior years in high school. I was working there at the time, and that’s where we met.

“We are planning a short ‘nostalgia tour’ of the Albion-Marshall area to celebrate. Romanticist that I am, the journey will include a trip to the First Presbyterian Church in Marshall where we were wed. We’ll be renewing our vows during the visit.

“Of course, any trip to Marshall involves dinner at Schuler’s (restaurant), and that will be special for us because we grew up in households where dining at an establishment of that caliber was something one aspired to do only once or twice in his or her lifetime. We are grateful that we are in a better place than our parents were.

“Every week, I read with interest your stories about, and your advice to, aging singles. Your advice always seems to be sound, but I’m glad that (so far) it’s not the guidance I need. We’ve been blessed with 60 happy years, three children (two sons and a daughter, all in their 50s), and five grandchildren aged 18 to 26. They have been, and of course continue to be, a hugely important part of our lives.

“Words of wisdom based on 60 years of marriage: ‘Talk to one another. Share your thoughts, whether they are good or not so good.’

“I’ve not purchased your new book yet, but that is my plan. I hope that it will finally satisfy my curiosity about the genesis of the name of your deli (Tutor & Spunky’s).”

Tom’s comment: Now I can confess. Ted and I graduated together from Jackson High School, Jackson, Michigan, a few years ago (64 years, egads) And yes, I ate at Schuler’s restaurant in Marshall many times with my family. I recall their bar cheese to be the best ever.

For senior dating success: open your mind to open your heart

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 25 2021

By Tom Blake – Columnist

For Senior Dating Success: Open your mind to open your heart

As senior singles emerge from the pandemic, many would like to meet a mate. Some of them have asked me for advice on how to begin, where to go, and what to do. Perhaps the most important piece of advice I can offer comes from 14 years ago and is still significant today.

In 2007, Patricia emailed me her story on how she met her mate. Her story was unique. I liked it so much I included it in my “How 50 Couples Found Love After 50” book, which was published in 2009. Her chapter is titled “Love on the Back of a Harley.”

Several of our Champs’s stories are also in that book.

This week, I found Patricia’s 2007 email in my Gmail archives. She was 62 then. Her email detailed how she met and married a man named Cowboy. His interests and lifestyle were dramatically different compared to what Patricia was seeking in a mate. He was a biker. She had never been on a motorcycle. The final two sentences of that 2007 email particularly got my attention:

She wrote, “On our second anniversary of when we first met in person, Cowboy and I were married. I truly love and adore this big ‘Biker’ and I am proud to be his wife.

“Single senior women should not give up on finding that someone special. They should broaden their minds and consider the unexpected. I never expected to be some biker’s “Old Lady,” but I’ve never been happier and more in love. Ladies, you should take more chances in meeting men.”

In re-reading that email 14 years later, I thought to myself, “Patricia’s advice is still valid today, especially coming out of the pandemic restrictions. Older singles can improve their chances of meeting a potential mate by jettisoning old stereotypes and beliefs, which means being open to people of different religious beliefs, ethnicities, income levels, family situations, hobbies, interests, and accepting people who wear tattoos, or body piercings, and perhaps, have different political affiliations (which, in 2021, maybe the biggest stretch of those listed).

So why did this information from 2007 cross my mind? Last week, I received an email from Patricia, who is now 68. She wanted to update me on the changes she and her husband Cowboy, now 70, have endured during the last 14 years and how they are dealing with post-pandemic retirement.

She wrote, “It’s time to seriously think about retirement. We are both working full time and collecting Social Security. We just purchased a beautiful home in Montana, and we have put our California ranchette up for sale.

“Yes, we are doing retirement backward. We are moving from a warm state and a single-level home to a cold state and a two-story home. But, no more earthquakes, raging forest fires, horrendous mudslides, or high gas prices.

“We love Montana’s beauty. The edge of our new 1.5-acre lot drops down more than 300 feet to a creek with rainbow trout in it. Cowboy loves to fish. If we get snowed in, we can just relax, and take advantage of our fully stocked kitchen pantry.

“Granted, riding the Harley year around isn’t a possibility in Montana, but we will have months when we can. Our new adventure is just getting started, and it all started when I took a chance and met a ‘Biker’ no one ever thought I would match with!”

Patricia added, “When I was online years ago, I read Cowboy’s profile that said, ‘Don’t let the biker thing scare you off, we are not a bad lot; you might want to meet me before you make a judgment. A lot of us are real nice men.’

“I took a chance and met my ‘Knight in Shining Armor.’ He just happens to ride a Harley.”

Patricia’s advice from 14 years ago to open one’s mind and expand one’s comfort zone to meet new people, can be as effective today as it was back then.

Senior Marriage – Will our Champ’s Wedding be in the New York Times?

Will our Champ’s wedding be in the New York Times?

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – April 30, 2021
by Tom Blake Columnist

Senior Marriage

When Champs share their stories and situations with all of us, positive results can follow.

First, the stories often help people who have had or are currently involved in similar experiences and sometimes predicaments.
Second, when we cast our nets far and wide, unexpected positive results can materialize.

I admit that last week when I sent out my eNewsletter for the first time using email-provider Constant Contact, I was holding my breath. I hoped I wouldn’t screw up with the new format.

I wrote about Ginny, age 80, and her significant other Harry, 87, who are contemplating marriage. Champs were amazing, responding in droves giving “thumbs up” to the new eNewsletter look and Ginny’s and Harry’s story.

One of the first responses blew me away. It was from Tammy La Gorce, the New York Times “Weddings” reporter. She wrote:

“My Friday wouldn’t be complete without your newsletter. I love the new look! Not sure if you remember me — I’m the NYTimes Weddings reporter. “Ginny and Harry’s wedding would be a great one to feature in our section. Would you be able to ask Ginny if she’d like to be featured and if so, when they’re planning to be married?

  “Here’s a look at my latest column:
https://www.nytimes.com/2021/04/16/fashion/weddings/weddings-marriage-utah.html

I immediately responded to Tammy’s email, writing: “Yes, I remember you. I just heard from Ginny. I know she would love to be in your NY Times column. Hence, I am copying this email to her so you will have each other’s email addresses. “And you have my permission to use whatever you want, if anything, from today’s eNewsletter.

“Too bad you weren’t writing your “Weddings” column in 1968. I was married (the first time) at the headquarters of the Episcopal Church, which was located in NYC at 2nd Avenue and 43rd Street.

“After the ceremony, everyone in attendance walked over to a restaurant named Nell Gywn’s on 42nd Street across from Grand Central Station. We were carrying the altar flowers and lots of people honked and waved at our group. Twas fun. “Let me know if things proceed with Ginny and Harry.”

Tammy responded: “Yes, wish I had been there in 1968 but I hadn’t been born!”

Egads, Tammy’s comment reminded me that I was married for the first time 53 years ago. Holy Toledo! I wonder if our Champs can remember when and where they first married?

Ginny and Tammy have touched base. Ginny shared the email she sent to Tammy: “I was surprised and very pleased that you want to write about Harry and me. I think we may have compromised on a November wedding. But I will let you know for sure, as soon as I can get a definite answer from Harry.  Ginny”

I thought Ginny’s comment: “…we may have compromised on a November wedding.” was hilarious. Sounds like Harry isn’t moving too fast to make the wedding happen.

I hope Ginny will keep us updated and maybe we’ll read about her wedding in the NY Times.

Senior women seeking men: stop trying so hard

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – March 5, 2021

by Tom Blake – Columnist

Senior women seeking men: stop trying so hard

(Note: This eNewsletter has been slightly edited for length and clarity.)

Two weeks ago, this eNewsletter put Sarasota, Florida on the senior dating map. How? Margaret, one of our Champs, had purchased two rental properties there. She mentioned how friendly the people living there are, and that she’s met many senior single men. I, tongue-in-cheek, raised the question, “Is Sarasota a mecca for senior singles?”

Last week’s article featured responses, which I selected, from 11 Champs about what Margaret had written. Oh my gosh, those responses were all over the place, not to mention the ones I didn’t include.

Some enjoyed what she said, others took shots at her, some made false assumptions, and some wondered why women are even looking for a mate at this stage of their lives.

And the latter point is the subject of today’s eNewsletter. I’m including responses from two women about why women shouldn’t be so focused on finding a man.

Plus, I’m sharing Margaret’s impression and thoughts about the diverse responses to her Sarasota article.

Please note: these are not my opinions; I am merely sharing what Champs have said.

Champ Bev emailed, “I moved to Florida three months ago, and while I did not move to Sarasota, I must say that a person will be happy wherever she or he ‘chooses’ to be happy. When people stop focusing on just meeting someone, marriage, etc., and instead start to focus on what brings them happiness, they will be happy anywhere. Happiness begins from within you, not from meeting someone to fill empty holes.

“You need to start by filling the holes yourself. Once you are right in your heart, the rest will naturally fall into place. I liked what Kathy said about not expecting a line of senior single men at the airport in Florida, hoping to meet women. I think that is true of any place, and we need to remain realistic otherwise disappointment sets in.”

Althea shared, “Your newsletters are always interesting. Your Feb. 26 article was cool. I like how you include people’s comments. Maria’s comment was right to the point when she suggested that for all the complaining and searching that some women do to find a single man…that those women were too ‘man-hungry.’

“I wonder why divorced, single or widowed women over 65 need a man? Especially so desperately. If they are set financially, have a home, have family and friends around them, why do they need a man to date, or live with? Haven’t they all been there, done that?

“If they accidentally by fate meet a man and the two of them have things in common, sure, why not spend time together? Great!

“But why the need to go looking and acting so anguished and desperate? Are senior women–after they have lived with a husband for 40, 50, or, 60 years–unable to live alone?

“I can understand the ones who need a man to live with to share finances. But the drawbacks and possible problems that could arise might outweigh the benefit. Been there done that. I’d rather live in a tent.”

Margaret said, “The funny thing about the Sarasota article is that at age 65, I am not looking for a date or a relationship as I am very busy with my family, friends and maintaining my properties right now. Maybe sometime in the future.

“I kept reading in Tom’s eNewsletter articles about women wondering ‘where the men are?’ and thought the Sarasota demographics were interesting. My suggestion to women who are looking for a man is to stop trying so hard.

“Go out, enjoy life, be active, have fun with girlfriends and/or men friends, start a book club, play cards, go hiking, bike riding, walk and travel. Life is too short and precious to waste ‘isolating’ at home or ‘waiting’ for the right person to come along. And, when I do go out, I wear a mask, contrary to what a couple of Champs assumed.

“You can choose to let life get you down and have a negative attitude but it will show in your face, body language, what you say, and/or complain about. Or you can choose to pick yourself up, be positive, and look forward to all the wonderful possibilities.

“These past few years I have lost family members that I loved. Then I lost my health due to a bike accident. I could have isolated at home and felt sorry for myself, but I had wonderful friends and other family members that supported and loved me and most importantly made sure I was not alone.

“Through their love, I was able to live life happily again. Some ‘holes’ that Bev talked about will never be filled when a loved one is lost, but there is always hope for happier days ahead. The Florida properties have kept me busy and I am grateful for that. Spending time with my childhood best girlfriend who encouraged me to buy in Sarasota has been such a sweet blessing and helped me in showing me around Sarasota. She was originally a CA girl but retired with her husband in Sarasota.

“Lastly, we can choose to be a “Negative Nancy” or a “Positive Polly.” I think the reason I have met so many nice men in Sarasota is that I am friendly, have no problem being the first to initiate a conversation (This does not necessarily involve flirting, just laughing/joking while waiting in line at the grocery store or asking for help at the hardware store) and I am generally a happy person, quick to smile or laugh and interested in what the other person has to say.”

Something to ponder

Wayne (written with a big smile) asked, “I got my second Covid vaccine shot. Should I put that on my dating profile?”

My comment: Hilarious. But it’s a good question in that it may reveal people’s different opinions on the government’s and health-care experts’ mandates regarding COVID-19.

Keep the comments coming so I can keep the eNewsletters coming.

Travel during pandemic. Readers comment

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 2, 2020

By Columnist Tom Blake

Four Champs respond to last week’s topic: Should we go on our planned trip during the pandemic?

Judith, “My partner and I went on the trip you talked about – only we stayed in Paso Robles two nights, had our wine tasting reservations, stayed in Occidental Inn, two nights, and on the way home had one night at the Harris Ranch.

“We went the last week of June and it was great. My granddaughter was getting married at a B & B in Santa Rosa. The ceremony was Zoomed with 50 computers all over the country.

“We purposely avoided big cities and it was all very respectful. I am unable to wear a mask and glad it was then. We were careful but all the businesses were cautious and clean. Indoor dining except for the Napa area. The Bed and Breakfast cooked but it was served in a lunch box!

“My Family gave lots of hugs and we socially distanced only the father of the groom, just recovering from pancreatic cancer. No one got sick.

“We did one more short trip to La Jolla Beach and Tennis Club for two days in August. It was clean and La Jolla enjoyable with few people. My partner celebrated his 83rd birthday during our stay.

“We only live once and we have no fear, it has been a horrible six months for our travel plans, but we have had time to reflect on the importance of our diet, health, and priorities.”

Bonnie. “You and Greta have had a string of tough luck with travel plans. Your stories are aligned with mine. Almost exactly (Terrorism in Europe in 2015 and fires in CA in 2018).

“The good news is when you enjoy your own company, and in your case, the company of your beloved, you can have a vacation at home in OC and have a wonderful time. I think that is the secret.

“We had tickets and reservations for Paris, Annecy, France, Switzerland, and London this September – right now! – for three weeks. Keyword: had. All were canceled, beginning with my favorite, Air New Zealand, canceling the flight to Europe.

“Solo travel has to wait, for now. I have learned how enriching solo travel can be – without tours. I enjoy a year of planning and research and then the trip, itself. Magnificent experiences. Both planning and traveling.

“I have learned to pack a carry-on only, with a total of 14 pounds, including suitcase weight, which allows me on any/every flight with weight limits. And so light for me to navigate to haul around. Happy traveler. Planning now for 2022 Europe!”

Gail, “Sorry about all your canceled trips. This is a hell of a year (When traveling roll with the flow).

“I would love to buy your camping toilet – I would even be willing to meet you to pick it up. I have a trip to LA in November and could meet you in Laguna or somewhere convenient. I would gladly pay for it now if you wouldn’t mind hanging onto it for a bit.”

Tom’s response to Gail: “This pandemic has made us all adjust our lives, including Greta and I purchasing the portable potty. I never imagined that I’d publish in an eNewsletter a short discussion about buying and selling a portable toilet but I guess I asked for it by posting (jokingly) if anyone wanted to purchase it.

“Thanks for the offer to buy the potty. However, Greta has subsequently told me rather strongly that she doesn’t want to sell it. So, to keep her happy, I’d better keep the darn can.

“I bought it on Amazon Prime. The brand is a Stansport. It didn’t cost much. They would deliver to your city.”

Fred: “Similar situation as you and Greta. I planned a road trip early September, only to cancel. Hotels along my route were canceling and many places of interest were closed. That coupled with bathroom facilities, dining etc., made me rethink. Do I want to travel to Yellowstone Park via Nevada, Utah, Idaho and return via Wyoming, Colorado, New Mexico & Az. under unknown circumstances?

The answer: No.

“Then made cruise reservations for 28 days in Europe for May 2021 only to be notified by Royal Caribbean a month later that cruise has been canceled.

“As William Bendix used to say, ‘What a revolting development this is!’ So, like you, I’m staying home until this germ is controlled.”

Champ birthday note: Today is Champ Dee’s birthday. It’s a significant one, which I won’t reveal. She lives in nearby Laguna Niguel, in Southern Orange County, Ca. Dee has been a Champ for years and has a heart of gold. Some Champs have met her at the Meet and Greets. So here’s to you Dee. (Rumor has it that there might be a new puppy in the house-arf, arf).

Should we go? (on a road trip)

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – September 25, 2020

by Tom Blake Columnist

Part One – Should We Go?

It seems that every time my partner Greta and I plan a trip, situations arise beforehand that make us ask: “Should we go?”

In 2004, we planned a train trip from Madrid to other cities in Spain. A couple of weeks before our scheduled departure, terrorists bombed Madrid’s Atocha Train Station. The bomb was detonated on the tracks from which our train was scheduled to depart.

In a column, I asked Champs: “Should Greta and I go on this trip?” Champs responded with a resounding “Yes! If you cancel, you let the terrorists win.”

Greta and I decided to go. However, we canceled our train reservations and rented a car instead. Navigating hundreds of confusing roundabouts likely made driving more dangerous than taking the train.

This year, we canceled an 82-day roundtrip cruise that was departing in October from Ft. Lauderdale. The ship’s itinerary included crossing the Atlantic Ocean, navigating the Suez Canal and the Red Sea, and circumventing the coast of Africa and back to Florida.

You’re probably thinking: “COVID-19 must have forced you to cancel.”

But that wasn’t the reason. We canceled before the pandemic arrived. We decided against going because a 737-passenger airliner was shot down with a missile over Iran in January 2020.

Our thinking was: Tensions in the Middle East are heating up again. Our itinerary takes us into the Middle East. If a commercial airliner can be shot down, what’s to stop some crazies from shooting a missile into a cruise ship with the words “Holland America” emblazoned on the smokestack? In addition, the itinerary was taking us through places where pirates had attacked ships recently.

As it turns out, Holland America canceled the cruise a few weeks later due to the pandemic.

We still had a yen to travel. In February this year, we made reservations to take the train to Seattle for a week beginning March 9 to visit relatives. In early March, when COVID-19 first surfaced in the USA, Seattle was the initial hot spot in America.

We wondered “Should we go?” We thought that being on a train for 33 hours going to a pandemic hot spot was not a good idea. We canceled.

Last month, the pandemic seemed to be easing somewhat. We had a one-week timeshare to use before the timeshare expired in October. So, we booked a resort in the Napa Valley wine country for September 20 to 27.

Our plan was to drive from Dana Point up the 5 Freeway, stop a night at Harris Ranch, and then on to Napa. On the return trip, we planned to spend a night at the Davenport Roadhouse (a few miles north of Santa Cruz), which is owned by friends of ours. And other friends were going to join us for dinner at the Roadhouse. And yet we wondered: “Should we go?”

Of course, we knew we’d have to be careful with the still-active pandemic. To avoid public restroom stops along the way, we purchased a portable camping toilet that fits on the backseat floor in our CRV. We even tested sitting on it in the car. We were ready to roll.

Tom and Greta’s personal travel aid

I promised Greta if the portable was necessary to use along the way, I’d even pull over and stop the car. We wanted no backseat tumbles or mishaps while the car was moving!

And then in late August, the heatwaves hit California. We thought, “What happens if our car breaks down? Maybe we should rent a car? If a rental car broke down, the rental company would provide a replacement.” But, with the pandemic, we didn’t want to drive a car that other people had recently driven.

The heat meant we’d likely be inside in air conditioning most of the time.

And then the fires hit California. The two places we were going, Napa and Santa Cruz, were, where the second and third-largest fires, respectively, in California history were burning. The friends we were meeting for dinner in Davenport lost their home to fire. Plus, their son lost his home and my buddy’s sister lost her home. The air quality in both places was dangerous.

On September 7, California closed several national forests due to new fires. Who could forecast what September 20 would bring fire-wise? Would we have to worry about heat, fires, and air quality? Again we asked: “Should we go?”

All these considerations kept nagging at us. We thought: “For now, we should just stay home. Why chance it?”

We decided South Orange County is a good place to quarantine. I do my Stand-Up Paddle Boarding in Dana Point Harbor, and Greta will do water aerobics when the pool where she swims re-opens.

So, we opted not to go, at least not now.

Oh, does anyone need a portable camping toilet that’s never been used for a cheap price? I suppose we could have a yard sale.

Tom’s comment: After this eNewsletter was published, one of Tom’s readers, aka Champs, offered to purchase the portable potty. But, Tom’s partner Greta didn’t want to sell it after all, saying sometime in the future they might use it.

Part 2 – Comments from Champs – Liars, losers and lunatics

Jim – Humor columnist for Desert Exposure Magazine (www.desertexposure.com):

“Regarding the term,”breadcrumbed.” It could have applied to my first marriage. I gave her bread; she gave me crumbs.”

Arlene – “How ironic you mentioned POF (the free dating site, Plenty of Fish). I’ve been on it for years, to no avail. Lots of liars, losers, and lunatics. Currently, a man in Beverly Hills (iffy if he’s from there) contacted me. He says he’s a yacht-designer. OK. Yesterday, he left for Prudhoe Bay, Alaska, and the oil fields (?). He says he’s from Spain and is calling me ‘mi amour,’ etc.

“I have never met this man and am amused by his stories. I guess it’s a diversion more than anything that could make me hope it’s a possible match.

“My feelings are that we are not puppies. Time is of the essence in finding someone. I hate being alone; no kids or family here. I am unable to get a pet due to regulations where I live. Wasting time I abhor. Yet, here I sit alone at 67. Covid has halted my dancing and club activities. ZZZZZ”

Tom’s response to Arlene:

Of course, the man you met on POF (the yacht designer) is most likely a scammer. What is a yacht designer doing in the Alaskan oil fields–doesn’t track? And the Beverly Hills aspect sounds bogus also. Don’t believe him. That’s the M.O. of a scammer.

Sometimes these guys send a token gift that makes gullible senior women believe the guy is for real. Some women end up losing a lot of money. Please, please, don’t buy into it.

Scenes from An Italian Restaurant

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – August 14, 2020
Scenes from An Italian Restaurant

By Tom Blake columnist

I have often stated that opinions and experiences shared by our Champs are what make publishing this eNewsletter possible each week.

Today’s help came from Stephanie in the Midwest. She saw an article in the New York Post newspaper that she felt all of us would enjoy.

Sometimes, the information from Champs strikes a chord with me in some strange, remote-connection sort of way. That happened with Stephanie’s information this week.

The essence of today’s story from the NY Post is about two students who were crowned homecoming king and queen in 1992 at Montclair State University in New Jersey. The crowning took place on the 50-yard line of the school’s football field during halftime of a game. The king and queen knew each other, but never dated.

After college, the homecoming king and the queen went separate ways. Each one married and had children, and each divorced in 2016.

Both joined the dating app Bumble. They were surprised to come across each other, as it had been pretty much out-of-sight, out-of-mind for 24 years.

On April 5 of this year, the king proposed to the queen. On August 1, they married on the same football field where they had been crowned 28 years before. Montclair State University cooperated by hosting a wedding with social distancing in place.

Granted, these kids are much younger than most of us. However, the love story is still pretty darn neat. The article quoted the king about his re-meeting the queen: “There was instant trust and warmth. We just slipped right into the conversation as if we were sitting in the school cafeteria. I didn’t want it to end.”

The words: as if we were sitting in the school cafeteria? are a perfect description.

Their honeymoon was a bit unusual as well. On August 4, the king had knee-replacement surgery at St. Barnabas Hospital.

Strike-a-chord situation number one

How did this story strike a chord with me? First, it happened at Montclair State University. How many people have been there? (No offense intended) Or, even heard of it? Well maybe more than one realizes, after all, it is the second-largest university in New Jersey.

I was there in 1961, after my college graduation. I was hired by Irving Trust Company in NYC. A fellow DePauw University graduate named Peter Work lived near Montclair, NJ. We decided to get together. He was a heck of a football player at DePauw and he wanted to go to the Montclair State University football game that weekend, which we did.

While getting a Coca Cola at halftime, we met two nice coeds. We sat with them during the second half. We invited them on dates, but they felt Peter and I were too old for them (they were juniors, probably 19 or 20).

However, I’ve always had a warm spot in my heart for Montclair State University because of that one day in 1961.

https://www.findingloveafter50.com/italy-23-days-by-train

Strike-a-chord situation number two

But there was a second strike-a-chord situation for me from this king and queen story. It made me think of my favorite Billy Joel song, “Scenes From An Italian Restaurant,” which was on The Stranger album.

In the song, Joel sings about Brenda (I swear, sometimes Joel pronounces her name Brender) and Eddie, the queen, and the king of the prom. And how they married too soon out of school. And quickly got divorced.

So this week, when I read the NY Post king and queen article that Stephanie sent, it reminded me of Joel’s song about Brenda and Eddie. I pondered the contrast of those two king and queen relationships.

In 2005, Greta and I, and her daughter Tammi, went to NYC when I was interviewed by Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America.

June 2005 – Tom, Greta and Diane Sawyer on GMA

On one of the nights in NYC, Greta, Tammi and I went to the Broadway musical, “Movin’ Out,” the story of Billy Joel’s music. My favorite song in that production was “Scenes From An Italian Restaurant.”

Poster from Movin” Out

I wonder if the Montclair State couple had gotten married right out of school, if they would have stayed together, unlike what happened to Brenda and Eddie?

Or, what if Brenda and Eddie, had waited 28 years to get marry? What would have happened?

So, Champ Stephanie’s thoughtfulness triggered today’s eNewsletter. Wonderful memories, coincidences, and strange ponderings by me.

Treat yourself to listening to “Scenes from An Italian Restaurant.” Don’t be in a hurry, it’s 7:37 of pure joy. And, oh my gosh, Richie Cannata, the saxophone player is incredible.

You can click on “Skip the ads” soon after the video begins.

Thanks, Stephanie, for providing this week’s topic.

Link to New York Post article: https://nypost.com/2020/08/09/nj-couple-marries-28-years-after-being-homecoming-king-and-queen/

Where are single senior men?

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – May 15, 2020

Where are single senior men? The answer is easier now

by Tom Blake Columnist

The most frequently asked question I’ve received in the 26 years of writing about finding love after 50 has come from women. In the first few years of writing, the question was: “Where can I meet single senior men in their 50s?”

Around 2005, the question changed: “Where can I meet single men in their 60s?”

In 2014, when I sold my Dana Point deli and retired, the question had become: “Where can I meet single men in my 70s?”

In February, 2020, a question was: “Where/How to meet Prof Men?” That question did not come from a Champ, it came from a woman named Judy who contacted me via the FindingLoveafter50.com website.

When Judy asked that question, she volunteered other information: “I’m a financially secure gal who cannot find local men to date. I joined Match.com only to have Match notify me that four of the men they sent me were frauds.

“Also, Match.com recommended a university professor, age 75, who is still working full time and has cancer. This seems to be my luck!”

“What on earth? Where can I meet a nice man on my same level in life? At my age, I sure don’t want to drive two hours, which is also what I found on Match.com. I feel I am classy, attractive, enjoy sports, a golfer and have a nice outgoing personality. Please advise.”

About 10 days after receiving Judy’s email, reports of COVID-19 started to surface. Any advice I could offer her became out-of-date, not usable.

How do I give someone dating advice and in the same breath advise them “to quarantine at home?”

Under normal circumstances, I would have suggested to Judy what I’ve said to all women who have asked that question over the years “Get off the couch, out of the house, and involved in activities you enjoy. Adopt a positive attitude. Smile. Put your best self out there. Staying at home doesn’t hack it.”

It was hard to get more specific with Judy because she didn’t reveal what’s she’s doing to meet men, other than flail away on Match.com.

I suggested she become a Champ, but to my knowledge, that didn’t happen.

Also, I would have added this to Judy’s advice, “Since you are a golfer, pursue that option. Lots of men golf and go to driving ranges. And they often have an adult-beverage after a round of golf in the 19^th hole bar and grill at the clubhouse. Make yourself visible, smile, have fun, and above all, keep your eye on the ball. You know, the golf ball.”

For now, until this virus subsides, and hopefully disappears all together, I can’t give advice to her other than to online date. However, she has a bitter taste in her mouth toward online dating because of her experience with Match.com. And that shows through in her comments.

I would have recommended—had she become a Champ–that she read our eNewsletter from two weeks ago in which Champ Christine Baumgarten, a dating and relationship coach, talked about “Why now is the PERFECT TIME to date.” I’ve posted that eNewsletter with Christine’s comments on my FindingLoveAfter50.com website.

To access that issue, once on the website home page, note that the ribbon across the top of the page shows an eNewsletters category. That’s a drop-down menu. Click on it and again on Tom’s 2020 and 2019 eNewsletters. The most recent eNewsletter posted is the one with Christine’s advice. It’s the first one you will come to.

What I’ve found during these stay-at-home times is that I’m connecting with many old friends, with whom I haven’t talked in a long time. In some cases, years. That eases loneliness and who knows, for our single Champs, a connection with an old friend might lead to something more? It would have to be a remote connection for now.

And while remote, we still can see people via Facetime on our phones or Zoom or with our computer cameras.

So now, in May, 2020, that 26-year-old question, “Where do I meet men?” hasn’t gone away. But it’s easier to answer now, because the choices that I can suggest are so few. And they are almost all virtual.

Maybe the answer to where to meet men is in the picture of the woman on the cover of my ebook below: Getting a magnifying glass and looking under rocks. By the way, for the next two weeks, I’ve dropped the price of this ebook to $0.99 (99 cents) on Smashwords for our Champs. It’s normally $3.99. To order a book on Smashwords.com, a person will need to get a personal account with Smashwords. It’s simple, just provide your email address and password. Write down your password for the next time you go to Smashwords. Here’s the link to order: https://www.smashwords.com/books/search?query=Tom+Blake . When that page opens, you will see six book covers, click on the one hat looks like this.

Hang in there, Champs. When socializing resumes, I look forward to hearing some positive stories of single seniors meeting online during this crisis, and how these senior singles finally got to meet face-to-face.

FOR NEXT WEEK: Let’s do a column on senior dating sites. Share your opinions, and experiences. I am getting questions that ask what are the best sites for our age group. So, help me write that column by emailing me (tompblake@gmail.com)

Stuck in a senior relationship

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 9, 2019 – Is this woman stuck in a senior relationship with an unappreciative man?

by Tom Blake Columnist

There are two parts to this week’s e-Newsletter

Part One – A week ago, one of the Finding Love After 50 Facebook group members posted her frustration with her relationship on Facebook, which meant any of the 519 members could read it and comment.

The Finding Love After 50 Facebook group is a “closed” group, meaning I must approve of anyone who wants to join. I screen applicants thoroughly to protect our members from people with evil intentions or people who reveal nothing about themselves.

The woman member posted this message, saying she just needed to vent:

“Will I ever find love with a nice guy? A guy who cares about me as much as he does by impressing other women.

“I’ve been with a man for a while, who every time he goes outside to ‘work in the yard,’ ends up instead chatting for super long periods of time with the single female neighbors. He never cleans inside the house. That’s not his job, you see.”

She added a few more details about his chatting up neighborhood women. I condensed her comments for the sake of brevity.

Several group members responded. Here are a few snippets of what was said:

Lisa, “Don’t waste any more time with him. Time to move on…”

Michelle, “Stop wasting time on this loser and work on your self-respect.”

David, “…I do not know what the arrangements are for mortgage, rental monthly payments but this man is what I would call ‘slippery Slime’…I would not trust him…I would bid him goodbye…”

Robbie, “He feels he is more superior than you…the word is impertinent. You need to get some Cajones and MOVE ON.”

Brenda, “Typical loser.”

Carol, “…I was married to someone like that. Time to hit the road…We always think they will get better, but they seldom do. We are wasting precious time and energy.”

David (again), “…You are wasting your time on this child…time for you to make a change in your life ASAP…”

John, “Agree with David. No one deserves to live with such a person…”

Jeanie, “Loser is not worth your time…”

Tom’s thoughts on this woman’s situation

I don’t get too involved in the Finding Love after 50 Facebook group. I prefer to let the members interact and comment back and forth with each other. If I see a post that I think is not pertinent to the group, or a blatant promotion, I delete it. I also delete posts when a group member posts incessantly (when someone does that, he or she needs their own personal Facebook page).

But, in this situation, I felt I didn’t know enough about the living arrangement, relationship details, and understanding between the woman and the man. “I’ve been with this guy for a while,” didn’t tell us for how long.

So, I posted, “What is the living arrangement with this man? Is it your home, his home, or a shared rental property? Who pays for what? I ask, wondering if you are stuck in a senior relationship situation and moving on would be financially a burden or not even possible. That doesn’t make his behavior acceptable. What are your options?”

And then the plot thickened

She posted, “We both own the home, but I am currently out of work and have some disabilities that have made it difficult. However, I am looking for a full-time job. I have no income; therefore, I am reliant on him. It’s not acceptable. I’m working on moving on.”

I posted, “What happens if one wants to sell and one doesn’t?”

She posted, “I have broached that subject several times. We are at a stalemate. My feeling is, I would move out and he would buy me out. You can’t buy a house in our town for less than $500,000. And he is older. I love our house. Just not living with him this way.”

Bottom line: I don’t know enough about this situation to truly understand what is going on. Maybe she will post more information that might clarify things. I think she is aimed in the right direction by going back to work, but, if she’s been with this guy for 11 years (as I think she has, having found an email from her from then), and there have been problems all along, I don’t see her able to bail out anytime soon.

And we don’t know about him, other than what she reported. He may be a really decent guy–perhaps feeling he’s stuck in a senior relationship. Who knows?

Let’s hope she gets a full-time job and can sell her portion of the home to him. Then, maybe she can move on. But, now, she’s 59. It’s tougher at that age to start over. Let’s hope she keeps us informed and God bless her and good luck.

Message for younger people from Tom

Most of our Champs are in their 50s-80s. A few readers are in their 40s. There is a message in today’s article that might be worth sharing with the younger generation—the children or grand children of Champs.

The lesson to share with younger people: Particularly for women, starting as early as their 30s and 40s, they’ve got to take steps to set themselves up financially, to position themselves for the later years. That becomes very difficult for stay-at-home moms who rely on a spouse’s or a mate’s income.

Waiting until you’re 50 or 60 to start getting your later-years finances in order may be too late.

Questions to ask the kids might include, “Do you have enough hours of working to qualify for Social Security?” If not, get to work. This is critical for the later years, when getting a job may not be easy.

And how about being covered by health insurance? Especially if children are part of the mix.

Don’t get stuck, as I assume the woman in today’s story is, from what she told us about her not earning an income. I’m guessing she has no leverage with this man and perhaps he feels he can do what he wants.

I hope for her that things will improve, that the guy will change. In a way, he is helping her (she has a roof over her head), but he sounds self-absorbed.

If younger people think that starting to build financial security in one’s 40s is difficult, it only gets harder once age 50 and beyond is reached.

Part 2 – Meet and Greet at Tutor and Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point CA May 22

A reminder to Champs who live in Southern California. On Wednesday, May 22, 5 p.m. to 7 p.m., the new, enthusiastic owners of Tutor And Spunky’s are going to resurrect the Senior Singles Meet and Greets that were so popular five – seven years ago. Greta and I are honored that new owners Samantha and Elena have asked us to host the event.

Meet and Greet at Tutor and Spunky’s a few years back

However, this event isn’t going to be for single seniors only. We’d like all Champs…single, married or in relationships…whatever… to join us.

There is no charge. Appetizers will be served, and beer and wine will be only three bucks a pop.

It will be fun to put faces with names. We’ll take photos for the e-Newsletter. Email me if you think you might attend.

Tutor and Spunky’s Deli is located at 34085 Pacific Coast Highway, Dana Point, 92629. Telephone: 949 248-9008.

Cheryl in the red dress and (in part 2) getting rid of clutter

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – January 18, 2019

by Tom Blake Columnist

Editor’s note: There are two parts to today’s “On Life and Love after 50 e-newsletter:

Part 1- Cheryl in the red dress

Part 2- Getting rid of clutter, that is, decluttering

Part 1 – Cheryl in the red dress

In the November 30, 2018, e-Newsletter, I quoted Champ Jacquelyn, who had sent me this email: “I know this is not a dating site, but it would be so good to allow us to connect with someone here or post a profile of a Champ once a month. I’m 55 and active, but single and very lonesome.”

In that e-Newsletter, I responded to Jacquelyn: “We’ve done that from time-to-time. Last week, we posted Larry’s email address with his comments. “Why not send me some of your information for posting?”

When Champ Cheryl saw my comment to Jacquelyn, she responded: “I see you’re not opposed to publishing a person’s information and photo, I’m going to take advantage of your kindness and ‘put myself out there.’ Please consider the following:

“I’ve been widowed for 15 years. I’m 72, with red hair and blue eyes. I am retired but active in fun social activities, and like to travel, especially on cruises.

“I’m seeking a man with integrity, protective instinct, kindness, intelligent enough to converse, still has enthusiasm and curiosity, and is authentic.

“I lead with my femininity, have a sharp wit, and am spiritual and traditional, with attributes of having respect, loyalty, and devotion; being non-materialistic; and being real. Attached is a recent photo of me.”

Cheryl in the red dress

I responded to Cheryl (at least I thought I had) saying I needed to know in what part of the States or Canada she lived because a potential mate would want to know that.

But I didn’t hear back from her. I did a follow up e-Newsletter wondering why some people don’t respond. When Cheryl read that newsletter, she wrote:

“I am the ‘Cheryl’ you wrote about in your newsletter, saying that I never responded to you. I didn’t receive any email from you! I don’t know why, but rest assured that I’m eager to meet someone and would have responded immediately. So sorry for whatever happened.

“I live in Los Angeles, just south of LAX. And there’s something else I’d like to add – my preference is for a Jewish man.

“Thanks so much; I really appreciate that you took the time to follow up! You are very conscientious – I will invite you to my wedding!!”

During the time of this exchange, I was writing from the cruise ship where the Internet was iffy. I thought I had responded to Cheryl, but in checking after getting home, much to my horror, I saw my message to her never went. I apologized to her.

She wrote, “Thank you, Tom. I have no ties here and am willing to relocate, if there are men who are willing to date long-distance for a while, and, use Skype. I also continue to hope that some of your Champs may ‘know someone’ appropriate for me. As you said, it’s worth a try. I appreciate your help.”

If anyone would like to email Cheryl, email me and I will forward your email to her.

Lesson learned: As Cheryl said, it’s worth a try. Stay with it because as illustrated in this example, the mistake was mine. You may communicate with someone and not hear back. Don’t assume he or she received your message, whether by email or text. Anything can happen so always follow up until you’re sure.

A perfect example of that: On the ship, I met a couple from Washington state. They told me about a widow friend of theirs, nicknamed “Sam.” I said, let me send her a couple of my dating books. He provided me with Sam’s address, a p.o. box. I shipped the books January 2; they arrived back in my mailbox on January 12, marked: “Return to Sender. Unable to Forward.”

I notified the couple what happened. They found out that Sam had opened a p.o. box when she was first widowed, not wanting to reveal her actual street address. But, two years later, Sam decided to close the p.o. box, perhaps feeling she could safely resume using her home address.

When I found that out, the books were resent this week to her snail mail address. Hopefully, Sam will become a new Champ.

Part 2 – Declutter project brings Tom’s book offer

Speaking of my printed books, may I seize this moment to talk about them? Greta and I are in a major downsizing and decluttering this New Year’s; I moved my unsold cases of books to a self-storage space. While grunting and groaning doing that, I said to myself, “I need to move out some of these books. I’m going to offer Champs a major price incentive on books.”

Here’s the offer: I will ship autographed and personally endorsed copies of any two books (I have four), including postage and sales tax, to Champs with an address in the USA for $15. That’s like five bucks a book. Check out my bookstore at https://www.findingloveafter50.com/bookstore

If you want this offer, email me at tompblake@gmail.com and let me know what books. I will invoice you by email via my PayPal account where you can pay by credit card. I will need your snail mail address, which the PayPal order requires.

I will be happy to ship the printed books (these are not ebooks) to anyone you wish (as gifts, get-even ploys with ex mates—for whatever reason), providing they have a USA address. Shipping books out of the country is too expensive.

Three books would be $20 and all four would be $25, including postage and sales tax. I will need to know how you want me to endorse them. Something like this: “To Jerry, thanks for ghosting me, you ***”

So that’s it for this week. Downsizing and getting rid of clutter are exhausting, but so important!