Tom Blake – author and columnist – On Life and Love after 50

Is 83 too old to date?

Home alone with only dogs for company

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter August 18, 2023

By Tom Blake columnist

Home alone with only dogs for company

People often ask where I learned to write, expecting to hear a reply like “At journalism school.” Or, they ask, “Have you always been a writer?”
I reply: “No journalism school. No formal writing classes, self-taught, and prompted by an unanticipated Christmas holiday event.

In 1993, I was in Santa Rosa, California, visiting my 82-year-old mom, as I did every Christmas holiday, and at least once a month. Santa Rosa is a nine-hour drive from Dana Point where I lived then.

My wife of six years, and her two boys, said they wanted me to have alone time with Mom so they opted to not join me on the trip.

I telephoned home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but no one answered. I thought that was strange, as I was unaware of any plans they had made.

On the morning after Christmas, Mom and I were having breakfast at her home. The phone rang. I answered. It was my wife calling.

She said, “Hi honey. We had a great Christmas. I’ve been busy at work. The weather’s been wonderful, and we moved out.”

A bit stunned to say the least, I said, “What do you mean you moved out?” Mom heard my seven words, and her hackles went up.

My wife replied, “Just wanted to let you know. Gotta go. Everything’s fine.” And she hung up.

I hugged Mom goodbye and proceeded to drive back to Dana Point. I didn’t know it at the time, but that nine-hour drive was the start of my writing career.

Why? I had a notepad on my lap. A million thoughts went through my mind. I reminded myself to not be a distracted driver.

As best I could, I jotted down my thoughts. A word here, a word there. Short, incomplete sentences. The first item: What about my dogs, Amy and Kira? Were they gone? Were they still there? Had they been fed or left with water?

The next item: Why did she do it without us discussing it first? By the trip’s end, I had a mishmash of notes on the notepad.

When I pulled into the garage, my dogs barked. They were okay, nothing else mattered, at least at that moment.

My wife and her boys had taken what furniture and household items they wanted and didn’t leave much. I described that in the notepad, which became the start of a diary. I was puzzled, perplexed, and pissed.

A month later, while serving sandwiches during lunchtime at Tutor and Spunky’s, my Dana Point, California, deli, in front of customers and employees, I was served with divorce papers! And, as I was doing every night, I went home and jotted down my thoughts in what then had become sort of a woe-is-me diary.

In two months, the divorce was final. Shortly after the divorce, at age 54, I decided to start dating again, thinking I’d be king of the hill, because lots of single women came to the deli. But those women didn’t want to date a broken man in his early 50s.

Oh my gosh, reality hit harder than I had ever imagined. As I sat on barstools at Brio, Hennessey’s, and other local singles’ hangouts, I’d add the dating misadventures into the diary. Sitting on barstools, I honed my writing skills.
After five months, I converted the notes from the diary into a short story. I edited the material 25 times. It was about 75 pages. I thought I could get the story published.

I sent query letters to The New York Times, LA Times, Playboy Magazine and Esquire. No response. The Orange County Register recommended I contact the Dana Point News, the Register’s community paper in Dana Point.

After reading my short story, the two women editors—Sherrie Good and Dixie Redfearn–agreed to an in-person meeting.“What do you have in mind?” They asked.

I had no idea, so I just blurted out, “Maybe I could do a dating-after-50 column from a man’s point of view whose wife dumped him at age 54 and he’s trying to date.”

They said, “That’s what we were thinking. You are whining and complaining so much about the cost of dating, and being rejected by all sorts of women, including younger women, we feel the single, middle-aged women of Orange County will have a field day reading your male point of view articles.”

My column was titled, “Middle Aged and Dating Again.”

The first newspaper article was called, “Home alone, with only dogs for Company.” It appeared July 7, 1994–29 years ago–in the South County Lifestyles section of four Orange County Register community newspapers.

Sherrie and Dixie were right about the vitriolic responses from women.

The first comment was, “Who is this sniveling puke?”

The second: “Get the boy a crying towel.”

And the third: “He complains that younger women won’t go out with him. It’s a wonder any woman will go out with him.”

Welcome to the 1994 dating trenches, Tom.

Soon the column appeared in 10 OC Register community papers. And then for eight years, it was also in the Register itself, the nation’s 20^th largest newspaper, as well as the community papers. Opportunity had arisen from adversity. The unexpected move-out by my wife turned out to be a blessing in my life.

Eleven years ago, in 2012, I was fortunate to join the team at Picket Fence Media—the publishers of the Dana Point Times, San Clemente Times and The Capistrano Dispatch. My column title, “Finding Love After 50.”

I learned last week that Picket Fence Media has been sold to the Times Media Group, a collection of 29 newspapers in Arizona and around Los Angeles.
My publisher told me that the new owners want me to keep writing my columns. There’s a chance that my column might be included in even more newspapers. I hope so.

The number of columns and eNewsletters written in 29 years is approaching 4,600.

Why was that divorce 29 years ago the best thing that ever happened to me? It launched a writing career that has been more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. It brought appearances on the Today Show and Good Morning America.

And more importantly, it opened the door for me to meet Greta, a partner with whom I shared so many incredible experiences in the 25 years we were together before she passed away last October.

And now it’s back to being single. And because of you Champs, I realize I am not alone in trying to find a new direction and maybe be fortunate again to find a mate. We’ve got lots of Champs who are widows, widowers, never-married, and divorced people who have suffered a hell of a lot more adversity than I have. Many are grieving now.

Please hug them, listen to them, and be friends with them. There’s a huge cloud of emptiness and loneliness around them, which I can relate to.

Have things changed on the dating scene in 29 years? Not much, except now there is online dating with romance scammers on every Internet dating site. Plus, now, instead of focusing on dating after 50, the focus includes dating after 60, 70, 80, and even 90. Same old issues—hard to meet someone compatible. And as we age, women tell me there aren’t enough men.

For those who have suffered a major setback in life, try–as hard as it is currently for you–to include social interaction in your routines.
Join groups, help each other, give lots of hugs, and be thankful for life. Look for that seed of opportunity to soothe the pain. It’s out there somewhere, you just need to keep an eye out for it.

Have a purpose in life, whether it’s volunteering, gardening, sewing, joining a book club, or enjoying your friends and family.

And pray for the people of Hawaii, especially the people of Maui.

Thanks to you women and men Champs for being so important and special in my life.

Senior dating: Deal Makers/Deal Breakers

By Tom Blake NL

March 10, 2023

Senior Dating: Deal Makers/Deal Breakers

By Tom Blake – author and columnist

After sitting at home alone for five months after losing, Greta, my partner of 25 years, with the exception of having had a few casual coffee dates, two meals out, and attending some social events, I decided I needed to do more reaching out to meet other senior singles. I had grown weary of listening to Collin Raye’s March 1994 song “Little Rock,” which is one of the most powerful loneliness songs I’ve ever listened to. (see link at the end of today’s article).

I’ve heard from many seniors who say they’ve met a new partner using online dating sites. On one particularly lonely Monday night, I decided to join Match.com. Here’s what I’ve learned after one week.

There are a plethora of quality senior women on Match. From scanning their profiles, here are a few facts that I consider to be deal makers or deal breakers.

A person’s listed age. It doesn’t mean the age listed is accurate. Someone who posted their profile a few years ago may have subsequently changed their birth date so that the posted age next to their picture is lower than their true age. However, I think most ages listed are accurate. At my age, 80+, lots of people will pass me by for a younger version.

Photos. This is huge. Often, but not with everyone, the thumbnail photo on the home page was taken 5-10+ years earlier. So, be ware of outdated thumbnail photos.
One needs to scroll through all the photos posted by that person (some people post 10 to 20 photos and more recent photos reveal how a person has aged). You must almost become a detective doing your sleuthing to determine what a person looks like currently. Boy-oh-boy, people can age quickly. I think of Rod Stewart’s song Maggie May, when he sings, “The morning sun when it’s in your face really shows your age.”

Also, some people don’t put captions under their photos that reveal when their photos were taken. They just leave the captions blank. Or they include a caption, for example, that says, “Summer of 2016.” Then you have to say to yourself, ok, add seven years to envision how the person looks in 2023.

Some people post pictures of flowers or of them in restaurants with a bunch of friends with a caption that might say, “Here I am with my women friends in a restaurant in Rome in 2010.” Or they post photos of themselves wearing hats so large their faces are so dark you can’t see what they look like. Many don’t show full-body pictures, so you have no idea of what their bodies look like.

Not to mention. They post pictures of themselves holding their dog or dogs. Or, pictures of the dog by itself. Senior daters aren’t looking to date a dog; they want to date a real-life human being.

The next item I look for is political party affiliation. I like to see “Moderate” or “No party affiliation” listed. I don’t want to match up with a screaming conservative or a screaming liberal. I’ve seen profiles that state, “All politicians are corrupt.” Party affiliation might not be a deal breaker in a relationship but two people would need to judge that for themselves.

An important consideration is how far away a person lives from where I live. Long-distance relationships are challenging. If a person lives more than a half hour away by car it will be difficult to see each other often enough. I don’t look at a profile if a person lives far in the Los Angeles area. If I ever get into another committed relationship, I’d hope to be with that person four to six nights a week.

One thing I discovered is by widening my search radius by 10-30 miles, I am getting posts from people in the Palm Springs area. That’s important to me as I will be spending a lot of time at my vacation home out there. It would be nice to meet a new friend who lives in the Coachella Valley instead of hanging out in an Agua Caliente Casino looking senior love or for luck.

Many women have pets, particularly dogs, and then cats. Some have horses. I don’t have a problem with that. However, if every picture posted shows them with their animals, that can be a turnoff.

Online dating for seniors isn’t a picnic or a candy store. It takes effort, time, energy, honesty, decency, patience, and creativity. One needs thick skin because rejection is part of the game.

Senior online daters need to remember the adage: “All it takes is one.” And that’s what most senior singles are looking for.

As time goes on, I’ll try to keep you posted on my online dating adventure. Until then, here’s the link to that Collin Raye song. Get your hankies out.

Valentine’s day, sad for some seniors

Valentine’s Photo over Dana Point – Feb 5, 2022, by Tom Blake

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletterFebruary 12, 2022

2022 eNewsletter #6

by Tom Blake – author and columnist

Part I- Responses to last week’s Super Bowl II eNewsletter

I was floored by the number of responses to last week’s eNewsletter. So many great ones. Several Champs shared similar memory stories, including Rick O., who attended Super Bowl I, which happened to be in Los Angeles.

Two Champs encouraged me to check the collector’s item value of the ticket stub from Super Bowl II. I did. Ebay showed the same game ticket selling for between $1,000 to $2,700. I’ll see about that.

Another Champ, Joel, found an update on stewardess queen Patty Poulsen. Sadly, Patty passed away three years ago at age 75. She would have been 78 if she were attending this year’s game.

There was no word on Jill Spavin, the other world stewardess queen (that’s what they were called back then, now it’s flight attendant).And because today we’re mixing the Super Bowl topic with the Valentine’s Day topic, I wanted to mention a Facebook posting that landed in my inbox. It read:

“A good buddy of mine has 2 Super Bowl tix, 40-yard-line box seats. He paid $8,500 each but he didn’t realize when he bought them that the game was going to be on the same day as his wedding. He didn’t think he’d land the tickets, but his order went through!“He’s looking for someone to take his place. If you’re interested, it’s at Calvary Church in San Clemente at 3 p.m. The bride’s name is Nicole. She’s 5’4”, about 115 lbs., and a good cook too. She’ll be in the white dress and holding a bouquet of flowers.”

PART 2: VALENTINES 2022 – Valentine’s Day, sad for some seniors

The photo above of the heart in the sky was taken last Saturday on the patio of our Dana Point, Calif. home. Greta (my sig. other) and I were sitting outside with her grandson, Andre, his wife Lindsay, and Greta’s most recent great-grandchild (#4), Isabella. We all agreed, it was a Valentine’s greeting sent to us by a friendly sky-writing pilot. I grabbed my phone to snap the photo.

Champs sometimes ask, “What do you get Greta for Valentine’s Day?” I reply, “Nothing.” Sounds cold–and unromantic–doesn’t it? But here’s the deal. Greta and I met in 1998 and have been together ever since. Meeting her is the best thing that ever happened to me. We’ve had a quarter-century of incredible experiences together.

Kris Kristofferson wrote a song that describes how I feel about having Greta in my life. Loving Her Was Easier (Than Anything I’ll Ever Do Again) (the link to this song is listed at the end of today’s article).

I mean, the trips we’ve had together: Spain, Italy, France, Ireland, Denmark, Estonia, Greenland, Canada, England, all of South America, Russia, Japan, China, Taiwan, Australia, New Zealand, Monte Carlo, the xxx Islands, Greece, Turkey, India, Nepal, Casa Blanca, Germany, Austria, Hawaii, Alaska, and several in the contiguous USA as well.

What have we missed? The south of Africa and Antarctica. That’s about it.

For us, every day has been Valentine’s Day. So, we don’t make a big deal about February 14.

I don’t write glowing love stories about Valentine’s Day. Never have. The reason: in the 50-to-90 age range, there are many singles who have lost or don’t have a significant other and for them, Valentine’s Day can be a bit of a downer.

I don’t write about a dozen red roses here, a box of chocolates there, a romantic dinner in some five-star restaurant, or cuddling in front of a fireplace. How would stories like those make our lonely Champs feel? Empty. I don’t want to add to those feelings.

For many singles without a partner, Valentine’s Day can’t end soon enough.
I’m particularly sad today for many of our Champs. Geody’s husband Richard passed a few months ago. He was an incredible man–loved, admired, and respected in Dana Point—and she’s a rock. Strong as she can be. A hell of a trooper. She’s got wonderful children and grandchildren. You can’t find a finer person in the world than Geody. Great attitude.

For Champ Donna, a special education teacher, her mate Bob, who helped me when I was a columnist for the Orange County Register 20 years ago, passed late last year. She’s trying to heal and feel better. She’s an incredible woman as well. Greta was a Special Education teacher for 32 years. That profession requires a strong, caring, loving, and giving person, which Donna is. Valentine’s Day will be subdued this year for her.

Our neighbor, Mike, who lives a couple of blocks away in our community, entered my life in the 1990s. He and his wife Jane opened a UPS shipping business two blocks away from my deli. They were wonderful deli customers and salt-of-the-earth citizens as well.

Unbeknownst to Greta and me, Jane passed in September. One night after I had held a book signing, Greta and I were driving home. We saw Mike walking his Labrador Retriever. We stopped, and yelled, “How are you doing?”He was subdued and said, “Did you know that Jane passed away two weeks ago?”

Greta and I were stopped in our shoes. We didn’t know. He had tried to send me an email to notify me, but it had the wrong letters in the address, so I didn’t receive it.

Mike said, “Jane was my everything.” Greta and I were devasted by the news. We admired and loved her. She was a delightful person. Mike’s pain was evident. Valentine’s in 2022 will be hard for him.

We have a Champ named Terry. He’s normally funny. Not so this Valentine’s Day. His wife seems to be withdrawing. I feel bad for him.

And then there’s Jo, Greta’s daughter Tina’s mother-in-law. Jo’s a widow of fewer than two years—one of the kindest women I’ve ever met. Although she was still dealing with her loss last year when my brother passed away, she mailed me a hand-written condolence letter. It really moved me. Jo reminds me of my Mom.

Bruce, a high school classmate, and lifelong friend has been a widower for several years. He has chosen to remain single and focus on his grandchildren. This year the Super Bowl will have more meaning to him than the day after (Valentine’s). He’s lived in Cincinnati for years. The Bengals are in the big game.

Champs Sid and Les are having serious health issues that will make Valentine’s Day a bummer. These situations are a few reasons why I don’t write about how special Valentine’s Day is. However, to ensure you don’t think I’m a complete Valentine’s scrooge, here are two photos of a home in Dana Point that warms the hearts of Dana Point residents.

The owner loves Valentine’s Day, and it certainly shows.

Perhaps we should create a day–for the day after Valentine’s Day–and call it “Hope Day.” That would bring happiness to all of us. I love you Champs, more than you know. Link to Kris Kristofferson’s song, “Loving Her Was Easier”https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzfBirQfabE

blue lantern valentine house — Dana Point California home

valentines blue lantern — The same Dana Point California home

Looking back: Super Bowl II

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter February 5, 2022

2022 eNewsletter #5

by Tom Blake – author and columnist

SUPER BOWL 2022 CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

Tom Blake’s TICKET STUB SUPER BOWL II JAN 10,1968

1968 TWO FLOATS ON THE FIELD DURING PRE-GAME – a Packer and a Raider (photo by Tom Blake)

American Airlines world stewardess queens–Patty Poulsen and Jill Spavin before the kickoff at Super Bowl II (photo by Tom Blake)

Patty, Jill, and George Mira (in beige turtle neck)photo by Tom Blake

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter February 5, 2022

2022 eNewsletter #5

by Tom Blake – author and columnist

SUPER BOWL 2022 CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

As next week’s Super Bowl LVI (56) approaches, I can’t help but think back to 1968, 54 years ago. I was a regional manager of public relations for American Airlines, working at the company’s headquarters at 633 Third Avenue in New York City.

On January 10, 1968, four days before Super Bowl II, my boss, Holmes Brown, the Vice President of Public Relations, summoned me to his office. He said, “Tom, I just got off the phone with the president of American Express. He invited our two world stewardess queens, Patty Poulsen and Jill Spavin, to be the guests of American Express this weekend at the Super Bowl festivities in Miami.

“I can’t allow Patty and Jill to go alone. I need an American Airlines escort to go with them to be sure they are safe and treated with respect and dignity. As the only single man in our department, I would like you to go. Will you do it?”

“Love to,” I said, trying to act cool and calm, although I couldn’t believe my ears at the opportunity. He patted me on the back and handed me five one-hundred-dollar bills, saying: “All expenses are pre-paid, however, I want you to have money in case you need to pick up a tab. I want American Airlines to always look good.”

On Friday night, Patty, Jill, and I flew from Newark Airport on Eastern Airlines to Miami. A representative from Amex picked us up at the airport and took us to the hotel. For the next three days, my focus was to keep them safe (and trust me, only that!). As you can see on the ticket stub shown above, the official name of the game was the “World Championship Game, AFL VS NFL” and it was held on Sunday, January 14, at the Orange Bowl in Miami.

(Shortly thereafter, Lamar Hunt, owner of the Kansas City Chiefs, recommended the name retroactively be changed to “The Super Bowl,” which was quickly adopted by the two leagues. Of course, it was an incredible weekend.

I remember the three of us riding to the game on a bus chartered by American Express. I was in the back of the bus sitting next to a young kid named Mike Garrett, the 1965 Heisman Trophy winner. He was at that time a running back for the Kansas City Chiefs who years later became the athletic director of USC for 17 years. He asked me what was in the cooler on the back seat of the bus.

I said, “Chilled beer.” Garrett said, “Oh, I wanted a Coca-Cola.”Patty, Jill, and I sat on the 50-yard line in the Orange Bowl with George Mira, a former University of Miami All-American and San Francisco 49ers quarterback.

Several of Mira’s admirers stopped by to greet him; they seemed curious about Patty and Jill who looked beautiful. (See above the photo of Patty and Jill and a photo of them seated next to George Mira–I took both photos).

Things have changed since then. The 1968 ticket stub shows a cost of $12. This year, 50-yard-line seats are going for more than $10,000.

There were two portable stages wheeled onto the field before the kickoff. Each team was represented by a 15-foot player in uniform standing on a float. Each figure appeared to be spewing steam from its mouth even though the temperature was in the low 80s. (see picture above)The Green Bay Packers beat the Oakland Raiders, 33-14. Vince Lombardi was the Packers head coach; John Madden was the Raiders linebacker coach.

A year later, Madden became the Raiders head coach for nine years.It’s hard to believe that there have been 54 Super Bowls since that experience. I always chuckle when I watch the Super Bowl and wonder how Patty and Jill are doing.

P.S. Two months later, on March 8, 1968, Patty and Jill were featured in the People section of Time Magazine with a nice writeup and photo of them together. (See article below)