Responses to Downsizing and a Space X Surprise

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 21, 2024

By Tom Blake Columnist and Senior Dating Expert

Responses to last week’s Declutter eNewsletter

Before I get into this week’s main topic, I want to report a phenomenon that happened to me on Tuesday night. I left my significant other’s (Debbie) house at 8:45 p.m. to drive home to Dana Point. It was turning dark, but the sunlight was still brushing the nearby mountain tops.

I noticed a bright jet contrail in the sky, the largest I had ever seen, which was illuminated by the sun. There appeared to be a rocket creating that contrail. I could see clearly that powerful engine clawing into space.

Naively, I immediately thought to myself, “This is supernatural. Is the USA under attack? With all the rhetoric from Russia about WW III, could this be it?”

I pulled my car over to phone Debbie, telling her to go outside and look at the sky. A minute later, the above photo popped onto my cellphone. Debbie had taken the photo.

I turned on KNX radio, an all-news station in Los Angeles. The reporters were going nuts, describing the highly visible contrails. I quickly learned that it was the SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket, that had been launched approximately six minutes before from Vandenberg Air Force Base near Santa Barbara, California.

Later, I read on Space.com: “The Falcon 9’s upper stage, meanwhile, continued hauling the 20 satellites toward low Earth orbit, where they’re scheduled to be deployed about an hour after liftoff. The new batch will join more than 6,000 operational satellites in the Starlink mega-constellation.”

My trepidation turned to awe. The rocket engine disappeared into space. And, as an afterthought, I appreciated how fortunate we are to live in peace on this planet and in this country.

And now. Responses to last week’s Downsizing and Decluttering

Often, my weekly eNewsletters generate enough helpful responses from Champs that I can write a follow-up meaningful column.

That didn’t happen last week. I wrote about decluttering and downsizing and only a few comments trickled in.

Champ Louise sent a lengthy response that included her philosophy of decluttering. However, it was her words in one paragraph that made me realize why decluttering isn’t a topic that Champs want to hear about.

Louise said, “You hit home with your ‘clutter’ comments. Our clutter used to be our life, and now it is a problem. Isn’t that ridiculous? To clear it is painful, enlightening, and very needed. Ask yourself if you were moving, would you pack this thing up and pay to have it moved? Probably not.”

Those comments helped me understand why Champs felt last week’s article was a yawner. The word “declutter” was a burr in their saddles. It takes time, it’s boring, it tugs on our emotions, and triggers memories of years gone by. It’s the most procrastinated senior activity.

I included in that column my brief experience trying to sell 143 Writer’s Digest Magazines I’ve kept since the late 1980s. And four Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition posters on Ebay (which I sold) and Facebook Marketplace.   

Sheila emailed, “Somebody will want your items for sure, Tom. I have been downsizing for the last year and have had good luck with Marketplace, other than a few times people have responded wanting my cell phone number, (watch out) don’t ever give them your number.

“I posted two items yesterday. What I have found is you can get an inquiry months after posting it when you think no one is interested. I put a Seiko watch on three months ago and last week someone responded and bought it.

“I had knee replacement surgery May 9th so I’m also recovering but doing ok. Take care and good luck downsizing, it feels great to get rid of stuff.”

Sheila is right. I posted those magazines for sale in April. This week, I sold and shipped them to Missouri.

Jessica wrote, “I’d be interested in 10 of the most recent Writer’s Digests.”

Note from Tom: I apologize, Jessica. I wanted to sell them as an entire group and fortunately got rid of them. Besides, the most recent magazine was dated 2006, hardly recent.

Jim emailed, “Decluttering is on my to-do list every week. I procrastinate too much. My garage needs to be done and then my little bedroom. I’ve started getting rid of horse stuff at a consignment place in Norco (CA) but they take 40% on small stuff and 25% on saddles. I have received more than $650 already.

“I hope my five saddles will sell before I am required to reduce my prices by 20%. I’m going to try eBay and Marketplace soon. Do you know of anyone looking for a rein cow horse (Stella) 12 years old with whom I’ve won $1000? Price is $20k?”

Christine, emailed, “In January I finally decided to get rid of the remainder of my deceased husband’s collectibles that have been in my garage for years. I’ve sold much on eBay and was ready to have the Veterans’ truck show up and donate them all.

“Two weeks later, I saw an ad on my FB page for an estate sale company in Brea (next door city to Fullerton). I called and they came. Three loads in their Chevrolet Tahoe SUV, my garage was only filled with my stuff. It was so easy. They auction everything and take 50% off. Seems very fair because of how much work they do. They’re called Yellow Dog Estate Sales and they’re wonderful.”

Regina, “Six weeks ago I put decluttering as the first thing on my to-do list. I haven’t gotten to it yet. I have no excuses; it still sits on my to-do list!”

Tom’s Final Comment:

Enough about decluttering and downsizing. We all understand the need to do so. But it’s challenging.

Send me some senior dating questions, comments, or experiences. Let’s get back to the nuts and bolts of senior romance. July is just around the corner.

Time Waits For No One

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 24, 2024

By Columnist and Senior Dating Expert Tom Blake

In the early 1950s, a quartet called the Hilltoppers had a #1 hit song titled, “P.S. I Love You.” Most people who enjoyed listening to music on the radio back then recall that classic love song.

The Hilltoppers had other lesser-known songs as well. One that I enjoyed was “Time Waits For No One.”

This week, I thought about that song’s opening lyrics sung by Jimmy Sacca, the lead singer: “Time waits for no one it passes you by…” Those words made me think of my writing career and the evolution of senior dating.

I reflected on the year 1994. Life for me was good then. I owned Tutor & Spunky’s, a popular deli in Dana Point, which kept me busy seven days a week. Plus, I was married for a third time, and happy as a clam, at least that’s what I thought.

And then, an unexpected event hit me like a ton of bricks.

While I was in Northern California visiting my 81-year-old mom, I was blind-sided when my wife of six years telephoned me to announce that she and her two boys had taken what furniture and belongings they wanted and moved out of our Dana Point home.

I was shocked, humiliated, and saddened. My “happy life” had changed in an instant. That night, I started keeping a journal, trying to understand what had happened. I was 54.

Two months after my wife’s phone call, she filed for divorce. I decided to date, thinking I’d be hot stuff — lots of single women came to the deli. But those women didn’t want to date an older, broken man. I wrote about my divorce and futile dating attempts in the journal.

Adversity can lead to opportunity

Often, after people experience adversity, unexpected opportunities emerge. That happened to me.
I was not a writer in 1994. But six months after my wife’s move out, I became one.

Using the notes from the journal, I wrote a 72-page short story about a 54-year-old man being dumped and divorced by his wife, and his subsequent frustrating dating life.

I submitted the story to two women editors, Sherrie Good and Dixie Redfearn, of the Dana Point News, a printed weekly newspaper owned by The Orange County Register. Those two women gave me the chance to become a columnist.

My first article, “Home Alone With Only Dogs For Company,” was published on July 7, 1994. I had no idea how long my writing gig would last. A week? A month?

For the next 16 years, I wrote senior dating columns for The Register newspapers. And then, 13 years ago, I started writing for Picket Fence Media (PFM), which owned the Dana Point TimesSan Clemente Times, and The Capistrano Dispatch. I made appearances on the Today Show and Good Morning America.

Last year, the Times Media Group, a newspaper syndicate in Arizona and Los Angeles, purchased (PFM.) I hoped the transfer of ownership wouldn’t end my print-newspapers writing career.

It’s been almost a year since the Times Media Group acquired PFM. I am still writing for them. I realize how blessed I am to be writing for printed newspapers. The number of columns including weekly eNewsletters written in 30 years is approximately 4,800.

I started writing these eNewsletters about 20 years ago. That time has gone by in a whiz. Time Waits for No One.

Have things changed on the dating scene in 30 years? Of course! In 1994, seniors mainly met potential mates the old-fashioned way—via networking with friends and socializing.

Now, the Internet provides online dating with opportunities and dangers. Online dating sites are filled with romance scammers. When I began writing, my topic was dating after 50. Now it’s dating after 60, 70, 80, and even 90. Same old issues—it’s challenging to meet someone compatible. And, women 60+ often remind me there aren’t enough available men.

And speaking of the 90s, our Champ, Les Jones, who is in 98, wrote this week. He said, “Please watch the annual Memorial Day Concert on PBS on May 26, Sunday evening. I’m being honored as a World War II veteran and will be on TV.”

Les can attest to how time waits for no one, he fought for our country in Europe and in the Pacific nearly 84 years ago.

The ending words in the Hilltoppers’ “Time Waits For No One” song are “…let’s take love while we may.” Those five words apply to my writing career and senior dating. Most single seniors would like to take and receive love. We don’t have time left to waste. 


Link to Time Waits For No One

A complex senior long-distance relationship

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – May 10, 2024

By Senior Dating Expert Tom Blake

Champ AD, 62, lives in Minnesota. She responded to last week’s LDR (long-distance relationship) article: “My life is all about an LDR and who pays for the date.

“In 1979, Garth and I met and spent a brief month together the year we graduated from high school. He was this cute CA guy, and I was a small-town waitress farm girl, on the Minnesota-Canadian border. He hopped back on the bus headed west, and that’s where our relationship ended; no internet or phones, and life went on. 

“He married twice, but neither marriage lasted more than two years.

“I got married in Vegas, after a brief work relationship, when I was 25 and stayed married for 30 years. I felt awful for living the lie of being ‘in love,’ when I never was. Had I been treated better; I may have fallen in love. My ex-husband cared for me in every possible way he knew how, but he never got to know my heart.”

Reconnecting after 40 years

AD continued: “Shortly after my divorce in 2015, I joined Facebook. Garth, who had been looking for me for years, happened upon my profile when he found a comment I had made on my ex-sister-in-law’s page.

“The craziness of this all was in January 2018, when he messaged me, but I didn’t know what messenger was and didn’t see his message. 

“Long story short, I went in for major surgery in Feb. 2018, to prevent a guaranteed and hereditary cancer of my pancreas, but due to complications, my one surgery turned into three. I was given a 5% chance of living and was put in hospice with two weeks to live. 

“While my daughter was at my side, and in charge of my phone for the weeks in the ICU and the months in the hospital, she found Garth’s message. 

“For whatever reason, it wasn’t my time to die, and I lived and woke up to a poem Garth wrote about our summer of 1979. I never forgot him; his poem gave me the hope and strength to fight and live. 

“Forty+ years had gone by, and Garth happened to find me in my darkest hour and place. He reminded me of how he would have felt had he heard from my daughter that I had passed away when he’d been looking for me a long time.

“What I have taken away from those days and nights in that hospital bed, knowing that the time was coming soon when I wouldn’t open my eyes again, was how little every possession in my life meant, and what I would do if I lived. 

“I wouldn’t let anything scare me from being completely honest with my heart, or the hearts of others ever again. I wasn’t going to leave with any regrets. I needed to come that close to the end of my life to ‘live.’

A LDR began

“I met Garth in person after 40+ years apart, at a hotel in Redlands, California in June 2022. I was one nervous lady.

“I am 63 and Garth is 62. I am self-employed, and although I can work from anywhere, I have stayed close to Minnesota for my kids and family. Garth works on San Nicolas Island and doesn’t have the flexibility of working anywhere he chooses, he has no kids and a small family.” 

Tom’s note: San Nicolas Island is one of the Channel Islands about 60 miles west of Los Angeles and 35 miles west of Catalina Island. It’s an uninhabited island except for a few workers at the Naval Auxiliary Air Station that is located there.

AD continued, “Garth remains in CA to care for his mother’s affairs until her passing. At that time. he plans to move to Minnesota.

“Next month we will have been in a relationship for two years. In July, I am driving to CA to be with him. I hope to spend the rest of the summer seeing how well we do on a full-time basis.

“The decision to leave my kids and grandkids, even for six weeks, is scary, but I would regret missing this opportunity. I feel it’s time. 

“The most difficult challenge, for me, in any relationship at this age, is pleasing everyone. My daughters get protective and grandkids tear at my heart and it’s hard not to feel guilty about having a life. One of my biggest faults is to put too much thought into what family and friends think.

“Two years is a long time and lots of money has been spent to see each other, and we have never spent more than 2-3 weeks together in one stretch. This is money that I would prefer to spend on a vacation and fun, not just maintaining a relationship, so I feel it’s my time to decide.

“We used to see each other every month, but now it has slowly gotten to four months of not seeing each other, sometimes due to work, but mostly $$. Airfare only increases and I am growing tired of airline prices and schedules deciding my life and hurting my heart. 

“Sometimes it feels like I am in a relationship with a telephone. I wish I were a hermit because an LDR might be a bit easier, but I enjoy everything life offers. 

“One of my lowest moments was in January 2024. Christmas had been without Garth, and Covid for a 3rd time. This is when I found you, Tom, online and reached out to you for advice, direction, and understanding. Someday I will share this with Garth.

“A few months back, I ordered your eBook titled, Who Pays For The Date? on the draft2digital website. The cost was $2.39.

(https://draft2digital.com) Search on Tom Blake to see Tom’s 10 eBooks

“The book has had a very positive effect on my LDR relationship with my CA guy. I see sharing the cost of trips, meals, etc. through much clearer eyes now, and I would have felt awful throwing in the towel and then reading your book after the fact.

“Your book made me consider this question: ‘Why should a man, who has flown across the country, solely to see me for a few short days, be expected to pick up the tab at a fine-dining restaurant?’ When he arrived, I drove him to a nice restaurant and picked up the tab.

“At times, our relationship has been difficult. I would have thrown in the towel a dozen times if Garth hadn’t fought so hard for us to stay together. We have finally reached the point of splitting airfares, if necessary, since he travels here far more, or I pick up the tab often when he comes this way.

“I’ve never been one to take the easy path, and I have always followed my heart. I’m not saying I would tackle a LDR again, but it’s too late now. I’m in it, and what a gift ‘time’ is, as it is slowly bringing me more understanding and patience with the weeks and months between our seeing each other.

“All we have is ourselves to blame if we leave this world with only regrets vs memories in the making. I won’t let anything scare me from being completely honest with my heart or the hearts of others ever again. I wasn’t going to leave with any regrets. I needed to come that close to the end of my life to ‘live.’

“Garth and I have spent a lifetime apart, but the chemistry is still there, which is so hard to find after age 60.”

Tom’s Take

-AD’s LDR is as complex as any that I’ve heard about

-I’m pleased AD is taking a couple of months to be with Garth in California to see how they do on a full-time basis

-They need that time to communicate and to get to know each other

-Having met and been attracted to each other in 1979 is part of the glue that keeps them together, during a difficult two-year period

-Relocation seems not to be a factor (as it was with the Golden Bachelor couple). Garth will be moving to Minnesota. Hence, AD can share love and be near her family

-AD is following her heart, after having been so close to death. Love matters to her, but not so much the little things, as she refers to them

-Garth loves her, which he has proven to her time and time again

-I am pleased that my simple eBook, Who Pays For The Date? helped her. It costs $2.39. I have 10 eBooks on that book site https://draft2digital.com  (At the site, search on my name or the book’s title)

-AD’s story is an example of the complexity and depths of the lives of our Champs.

Everybody has a story. I’d like to hear more of them.