On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
June 9, 2023
By Columnist Tom Blake
Is Senior Dating Chemistry The Most Important Relationship Need?
Today’s eNewsletter includes a variety of topics. For sure, senior dating and relationships are not dull or boring.
We begin today’s eNewsletter with an email from Champ Dave Southworth. Dave has the longest tenure of any Champ. He’s been with me for more than 20 years.
In 2002, he wrote a poem that remains on my website called “The Sands of Time.” It’s about him losing his beloved Franny and is touching to read. The link to Dave’s poem is listed at the end of today’s eNewsletter. Dave lives in Michigan.
This week, Dave emailed, “Reading the Friday, June 2, 2023, eNewsletter, the subject, tolerable age difference between lovers seemed to be perceived by some as folly. Nonsense.
“Age is important however age is 7th on my list of important characteristics in a potential mate. My wife Franny was 11 years younger than I was. Franny and I were such a perfect partnership. She is a part of who and what I am and will ever be!
“Tom, you, and I have been friends for 20+ years. I hope life continues to be all you desire it to be!
“Could you ask the Champs for their list of partner/lover attributes in priority order? I would be very interested in their responses.”
Tom’s comment to Dave: “Regarding asking Champs their priority order in seeking a mate, we get a few answers in today’s eNewsletter. Plus, we’ll ask again near the end of the article.
Joyce, “I believe being close in age is important because we have more in common with our own generation. A generation however has a sizable age span.
“Whatever the age of a man, I would still be comfortable with and enjoy his good health and sense of humor.
“Social economic equality is not as important as long as one member of a couple doesn’t take advantage of the other member and the difference isn’t a whole lot.
“I believe chemistry and common interests and friendship win over everything else. You can be in love, but if you’re not friends and playmates, that love can disappear.”
Bob, “Your column is very thought-provoking and I really enjoy it. While I am an extremely happily married man, your own experiences have made me think about ‘What if?”
“If something happened to my wife Brenda, I think it would be years, if ever, that I would yearn for another partner. That doesn’t mean I would be sitting at home as I am lucky to have many friends. I would not have a goal of meeting another partner.
“If single again, if I were to meet someone, it would be to have a friend who had like interests. In my lifetime, physical attraction certainly plays a part, However, I have always thought that someone who has the same interests and a style that is attractive can make a person more physically attractive to me. The bottom line, physical attraction is not the number one factor for me.
“Most of your personal emphasis seems to be on immediate physical attraction. Then your evaluation seems to move to checking the boxes to your preferences. Are you targeting your search with physical attraction at the top of your list?
“You are articulate; I enjoy your Friday newsletters. Stay well and healthy!”
Response to Bob: “For me, if physical attraction (the electricity between a man and a woman) isn’t present when first meeting, I don’t think it will grow. I could be wrong. Some people do feel it will grow in due time if other positive characteristics are present.
“Does having that immediate attraction mean hopping in the sack the first few nights together? Absolutely not! It’s just nice to know it’s present and it enhances the anticipation of seeing the person on date number two and beyond.
“Does having physical attraction mean turning my back on qualities that are deal breakers on my list? For example, strong political beliefs on the other side of the fence. Living far, far away? Is mean to animals? Is inconsiderate to minorities or older people. Or someone who abuses alcohol or drugs? Or who is financially irresponsible? HECK NO
“Years and years ago (the mid-1990s), after divorce number three, I had a date with a beautiful woman. Attraction? For sure. But she was so obnoxious to people and selfish, etc., I bailed out. I wrote a column titled, “But she was beautiful.” The gist of the column: Just because someone is beautiful, don’t let the wrong brain do your thinking for you.”
Goosebumps and Appreciation
Tom Marshall and I are both columnists for the San Clemente Times. His wife Dominque and Greta were great friends. A few days ago, he sent me an email with this subject line: “Guess what we (Tom and Dominique) saw at the Johnny Cash Museum in Nashville a couple of weeks ago?” The email included the banner photograph (above) that Tom and Dominique had taken.
My response: “Your email gave me goosebumps. That’s the Destination Victoria Station album I ‘co-produced’ with Johnny. Co-produced meant that I was in the House of Cash recording studio in Hendersonville, Tenn. and my job was to approve each song that would be included on the album.
I was seated in the seats out front in the studio and Johnny was in the mixing room behind the glass. His producer would play a song. When each song finished, Johnny would say over the speaker, ‘How about that one, Tom?’
My response was pretty much, “For sure, John, great song.”
“That day, when I rejected two songs that he proposed, he said to me via the speaker behind the glass, ‘Son, you’re being hard on me today!’ Then, he laughed.
“My initials are on the album spine (small but legible). I still have two albums at home. One is autographed by Johnny and the other album is still inside the sealed cover and has never been opened. They are treasures I am holding on to.’
Fifty Shades of Bullshit
When an email arrived in my inbox from Fifty Shades of Bullshit, I was skeptical. Well, it was from a woman Named Christine Lalonde, who hosts a Podcast under that name. She asked if I’d be on her podcast.
A week later, last Thursday, I was interviewed for about 40 minutes on the show, discussing senior dating. I thought it turned out well. If you’d like to see it, the link is below. Be sure you click on the video so that you see it and hear it.
Let me say this, Christine talks for about five and a half minutes before getting to me. So fast forward the YouTube video to about the 5-minute mark when first signing on. Here’s the link:
https://www.facebook.com/events/967283841114910/?ref=newsfeed
Small World
Last week, I was walking in the frozen food section of Costco in Dana Point. A woman who walked alongside of me looked at me and I looked at her. We recognized each other. She’s a Champ. Her name is Jackie Hammond and she lives in Georgia.
Jackie and I met at my deli about six years ago when I was hosting one of those age 50+ singles events. She occasionally checks in by email. This time, she was in Dana Point visiting her sister. Small world. She took a picture of us (see below).
So that’s it for this week, Champs. I’ll admit this newsletter was a bit all over the place. I hope you enjoyed it.
I like Dave Southworth’s suggestion for a future column that he mentioned at the top of today’s article.
Dave said, “Could you ask the Champs for their list of partner/lover attributes in priority order? I would be very interested in their responses.”
Please send me your top 10 attributes you seek or sought in a partner in the order of importance.
Here is the link to Dave Southworth’s poem, “The Sands of Time.”
https://www.findingloveafter50.com/widower-poem-by-david-southworth
On Life and Love after 50 