senior dating challenges – On Life and Love after 50

Fantasy

Authentic Autographed USFL football owned by Tom

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter August 30, 2024
Senior Dating Fantasy and Football
By Columnist Tom Blake

The first paragraph of my initial newspaper column read “Unfortunately, many of you have been there, are there now, or will be soon. Where? Middle-aged and dating again.”

The second paragraph was, “I won’t bore you with why my wife and I separated. The separation occurred Christmas time, 1993.”

That initial column was titled “Home Alone With Only Dogs For Company” and appeared on July 7, 1994, in the Dana Point News and the “Laguna Niguel News in South Orange County, California.

Seeing my column that day in the two newspapers nearly floored me. Why? Six months before, when the separation happened, I wasn’t a writer, let alone a newspaper columnist. But it’s amazing what can happen to people when adversity strikes. Opportunity often arises later and when it does, people should seize it.

And now, 30 years after that first column appeared, I feel as blessed as I felt then to have my articles appear in printed newspapers and eNewsletters.
In 1994, middle-aged dating was difficult. I wasn’t prepared for it. But as Frank Sinatra sang in My Way, “…when there was doubt, I ate it up and spit it out.” I muddled through and wrote columns about the senior dating challenges I faced.

Newspaper readers, mostly singles, shared their information with me by leaving messages on the newspaper’s telephone information lines. That information enabled me to continue writing columns with fresh material.
I started writing eNewsletters 20 years ago. The topics in the newsletters and newspapers are not the same. Yes, sometimes they are similar but often totally different.

Two weeks ago, at Oggi’s Sports Brewhouse in Mission Viejo, California, a group of old buddies gathered for our annual fantasy football draft, which began 36 years ago. Our fantasy league’s name is TMFL, an acronym for Tooter’s Morning Football League. My nickname has been Tooter ever since 1988 when I opened Tutor & Spunky’s Deli in Dana Point.

In 1990, when I started the fantasy football league, the founding 12 franchises named it TMFL. And some of them still call me “Toot.” Six of the original 12 are still in our group.

Before the Internet arrived, we all drafted together in one room, usually at Tutor & Spunky’s. Now, some choose to draft online remotely, using the CBS Fantasy Sports website.

For those of us who still draft together in person, we have fun being together, although we draft online, but in the same room.

One of our league members, Jason Gross, whom I’ve known for 20+ years, asked, “Are you still writing those middle-aged dating articles?”

I said, “Yes. I’m at about 5,000 articles in 30 years, but it’s not about middle-aged dating anymore. I now call it senior dating.”

Jason said, “How do you come up with fresh material?”

I replied, “As we age, more and more people become single, be it through divorce, or the passing of a partner. Or they are single because they haven’t met ‘their’ person yet. They seek information to help them find a mate and their numbers keep growing.

“I can keep my topics fresh because of my eNewsletters. My readers are called Champs and they always send in information I can use as topics. They ask questions and share dating experiences—some are success stories and some are simply their frustrations with senior dating.

Jason Gross said, “It’s important for seniors who have been afraid to start dating again and those who may be lonely or want to make new associations, to get off the couch and socially interact with people.”

I said, “It doesn’t have to be with only single members of the opposite sex. Married friends and family members can help people ease loneliness.”

Jason and I gave each other a high-five. It was time for our football draft to begin so I accessed the pages of football research notes I had generated over the recent weeks and placed them on the table for easy access. Making sense of the online football draft was more confusing and time-consuming than senior online dating.

That discussion with Jason at the fantasy football draft made me realize that senior dating is a topic that will never grow old. Perhaps it’s time to focus on writing about it for 10 more years. The title might become, “Senior dating in our 80s.”

Egad, when that first column was written in 1994, I had no idea how many more there would be. Had someone said “5,000,” I would have probably put the pencils and paper away and retired from journalism right then and there.

So Champs, please continue sending in your comments and questions, we need to keep the senior dating information current. And you are the reason this fantasy dating column can continue.

By the way, my first pick in the draft was Buffalo Bills quarterback Josh Allen. My fantasy is he will score at least a couple of TDs this weekend.

Senior dating challenges during pandemic

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – September 11, 2020

by Columnist Tom Blake

Senior dating challenges during pandemic

For years, I’ve stated the best way for senior singles to meet potential mates is to get off the couch and out of the house.

However, that advice hasn’t been very useful over the past six months. We’ve been quarantined and encouraged to stay home. So, how do senior singles overcome dating challenges during pandemic times trying to meet new people?

Choices are limited. Senior centers and other senior gathering places are closed. For example, the senior Meet and Greets at Tutor and Spunky’s, my former deli in Dana Point are on hold. The most recent event took place in January.

And when we go to a grocery store or any place indoors, we must wear a mask. It’s difficult to check somebody out from a distance when faces are covered. You don’t approach someone wearing a mask and say, “Excuse me, would you lower your mask so I can see what you look like?”

Internet dating has become the most useful dating tool in 2020. My email inbox is bombarded with online dating-site messages. An estimated 1,500 new dating sites have emerged this year. But, do seniors really want to click on sites with names such as “Cobble,” “Pokerface,” “Say Allo,” “IsMyGirl,” “Live” (speed dating), “Stripchat” or “Extreme age-gap?” Most likely not.

As the number of online sites has increased, so has the number of scammers. Seniors are targets for scammers. Many seniors are lonely, which makes them vulnerable.

Scammers use robocalls, which arrive on our cellphones daily; we should avoid answering them.

But let’s say a senior does meet a prospective mate online, using sites like Match.com, eHarmony, or Plenty of Fish (POF). The advice from dating coaches has always been to meet face-to-face as soon as possible, to avoid wasting time on the wrong person.

But that thinking has changed. Sure, singles can still try to meet face-to-face (or should we say “mask-to-mask?”), but, they need to ask themselves, “Is it worth the health risk?”

Before meeting “mask-to-mask,” should each person take a COVID-19 test and bring the results to the date? An Abbott Labs test recently released called BinaxNOW provides results in approximately 15 minutes, does not need any other instrumentation, is very reliable and costs only $5.00.

On a first date, or any date, does each person wear a mask or gloves and place a package of hand sanitizers/wipes on the table?

Does each show up with a thermometer and take his or her temperature and then show the results to the other person, proving he or she isn’t overheated?

A thermometer for her and a thermometer for him

One of our Champs wrote: “You can probably forget about kissing (can we say Russian roulette every time?)”

How about hugs? That’s always been a nice way to end a date when a kiss would be premature. Even hugs are risky. Yes, senior dating during the pandemic is a challenge.

How can senior singles feel safe meeting a stranger on a first date? Some are trying, respecting social distancing and mask guidelines.

This week, Greta and I met two Champs for lunch. We wore masks upon arrival and departure and sat four feet apart while having our lunch. One of the Champs was Dave, a recent widower we mentioned last week, who appreciated getting out with people. He is doing remarkably well. So positive. So upbeat. Here is a photo of Dave and Tom.

Dave and Tom at lunch on Tuesday

People in established long-distance relationships where air travel is required to be together, are being particularly challenged, especially if one person resides in a foreign country.

Last week the news reported that the Canadian border will be closed for another month. So, Americans and Canadians dating across the border but living apart probably haven’t seen each other in person for months.

Larry, a former neighbor of mine, lives with his girlfriend, Emy, of five years in the Philippine Islands. He had to return to the United States in early January for a few weeks. He said, “I continue to be stranded in the United States. My first return flight, scheduled for March 20 this year, was cancelled by the airline.

“I had to cancel my second flight this month, because the Manila Airport remains closed to foreigners. I am now holding reservations to fly from LAX to Manilla on December 9.”

Will senior dating get easier? Not likely any time soon. A former fraternity brother of mine, a highly regarded doctor, emails a Coronavirus bi-weekly update, based upon the University of Washington’s IHME ((Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation) data.

On September 5, he emailed: “The data sees lots of trouble around December 1 – worse than anything we’ve seen. Buckle your seat belts, we have a long journey ahead of us only to be avoided with effective vaccines.”

So, Champs, if you are going to meet in person, wear your mask, keep your distance, and save the hugs and kisses for later. And write and tell us how the date went and how the challenges during the pandemic were addressed.