On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter August 16, 2024
Columnist Tom Blake
I avoid three topics in my eNewsletters—religion, politics, and senior sex. However, an email concerning senior sex arrived in response to last week’s column that needs addressing. That email and my comment on it are Part 1.
Part 2 is a beautiful love story sent in by a Champ that also mentions senior sex.
Part 1 – Quid Pro Quo Senior Sex
JJ (a woman) wrote, “Alicia’s brother (from last week’s article) sounds like a good man. He is willing to give friendship and more to enjoy the companionship of the woman without demanding that she pay him back with sex.
“Men, especially older men, who cannot tolerate not having sex are not worth having around. They disguise their desire for sex as ‘friendship’ or ‘companionship’ when it’s not that at all. In reality, it’s a quid-pro-quo relationship. Alicia’s brother offers something very real and true! Sounds like a nice guy!”
I am curious how men and women feel about JJ’s comments. At the risk of having a Champ or two unsubscribe, I will say this: I think her quid pro quo relationship comment is offensive and erroneous. It assumes that any man who enjoys sex and pays for a woman’s dinner or theatre tickets or whatever expects sex in exchange. That’s the quid pro quo.
If a man or a woman chooses to be non-sexual, that’s their business. But, if a desire for affection is in our genes, it’s about finding a mate who enjoys the same thing.
So, let’s hear how you Champs feel about it.
Also, Champ Christine Baumgartner, a relationship expert, and Champ and friend for years, emailed this comment: “I’m very interested in addressing/answering questions from your readers about senior sex.
“Feel free to include my offer in your eNewsletter with my email address so their questions and my answered comments won’t go through your newsletter.
“It’s such a challenging subject for us and I’m very comfortable answering their questions and concerns.
Christine’s email is: Christine@theperfectcatch.com.
Please tell her you are a Champ.
Part 2 – A Widower finds love
“Joe (not his true name) emailed approximately 18 months ago, “I’m in my early 60’s and widowed. My late wife and I were committed to each other since we were teenagers and married soon after college for 44 years.
“Our relationship started so young, we were the only ones each of us had been intimate with and we loved and valued that bond. As two people in love and with an active sex drive, it was difficult for us both when my wife’s illness prevented any kind of physical intimacy.
“But that was only one part of our relationship, and the other parts grew stronger to compensate. My love and commitment towards her were reason enough for me to put my sexual urges on the back burner as I focused on caring for her.
“After her passing, I knew there would be a time when I would resume being sexually active but had no idea when I would feel ready and when I would find a woman I was attracted to. I am now dating a wonderful woman. (Joe wrote the above 18 months ago)
Update August 12, 2024. Joe wrote: “My relationship with that woman I mentioned above ended amicably shortly after the holidays this past year. We were enjoying our time with each other, but each wanted different things and didn’t see our relationship being long-term.
“Since then, I have met and fallen in love with another woman who fills my life with incredible joy and happiness. We are both looking for the same thing in a partner and have quickly become inseparable.
“We are compatible in every aspect of our lives including activities, energy levels, family, humor, conversation, openness, physical touch, and intimacy. It is quite extraordinary, and we joke that we were twins who were separated at birth.
“We also both agree that it was a blessing that we didn’t meet immediately after I started dating as I wasn’t fully prepared to be in a relationship. It was important for me to get over the feelings of guilt and anxiety that I had being with another woman other than my late wife.
“So here I am, 2-1/2 years from losing my best friend, lover, and soulmate and in a relationship that is very different but equally fulfilling. I’m as happy as I was before my wife’s illness changed our lives forever and back to being my old self.”
So that’s it for today. A topic I avoid—senior sex, snuck in here. At least I avoided religion and politics.
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
On Life and Love after 50 