What they tolerate and not tolerate in a new mate
On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter
June 16, 2023
By Columnist Tom Blake
Six Champs share their lists
In last week’s eNewsletter, Champ Dave Southworth said he’d enjoy seeing the list of characteristics, ranked in importance, that Champs are looking for in a potential mate. I selected emails from five women and one man to include. I have edited their lists for clarity and grammar. Plus, one woman discusses the one characteristic a potential mate has to have
Kaitte’s list, 70, Colorado
1. There must be at least a spark/attraction to even make it to the next date. I give men a chance to see how they’ll treat me. I’ve got to be able to wake up to that face every morning if it works out.
2. I don’t want a couch potato, a TV sports nut or someone who whines about his health and won’t take care of himself. I’m extremely busy with my little homestead right now growing my own food. But I always have time for lunch/dinner, dancing, or just taking a ride or walk.
The last guy never met me for coffee. He thought we could have some fun without even trying. And I do go Dutch. My Daddy said you’re better than a man trying to take you out for a piece of meat.
3. Finances. I’m not rich, I’m retired on about $10,000 a year on SSI. Yeah, I’m below the poverty level. but I’m thriving. I still assist others for a little funny money to spend how I want. You don’t have to be rich to afford me.
I will share finances as I can afford it to be with you if I care. There are lots of free things we can do with a little gas and time to get there, talking about Pueblo CO., or even more local than that.
4. Age. I’ve been told I need to be open for a younger man because I’m healthy and a young 70, but not a man who is too young. I know of two couples, 17 years apart with the women being older, who have been together many years. I was just complimented by two women at Walmart, and you know women are honest to each other, so I have to say I’m nice-looking. I don’t look 70.
5. While not a requirement, it would be nice to have a man who could work with me on my little farm. I’d even teach him. I wouldn’t want him to sit around and watch me work.
Karen’s list
1. Mutual physical attraction: so friendship and romance are both possible.
2. Similar sense of humor with a lot of shared laughter.
3. Friendly to everyone: showing kindness, politeness, and respect.
4. Shares some interests but has other interests of his own.
5. Have similar levels of fitness: likes to be active and outdoors.
6. Comparable levels of education with good grammar (able to
spell and punctuate correctly).
7. Prioritizes relationships with family and friends.
8. Has personal goals or dreams of his own.
9. A sense of adventure and desire to explore new activities, travel, and begin a new chapter in our lives together.
10. Shared faith/ religious preferences.
Gail’s list
1. Healthy, fit
2. Attractive
3. Fun
4. Willing to Travel
5. Honest, and into me only
6. Financially good. (not living on just SS)
7. Has a good relationship with any children or former partners
8. Has similar political views
9. Intelligent
Laurie’s list
1. Sense of humor. Clever thinking.
2. Health and good hygiene
3. Self-sufficient. Wait. That should have been first on the list
4. No weird hangers-on. No kids at age 35 living at home, etc.
Carolyn’s List
1 Personality
2 Ability to Walk Well (don’t laugh)
3. Laughs Easily
4. Common Sense
5. Compassion/Kindness
6. Free Spirited
7. Not jealous
8. Family Oriented
9. Sincere/truthful
10. I don’t care what someone looks like as long as he is super nice, sweet, and has a fully functioning brain!
“Tom, that podcast really was a most beautiful, outstanding, and seriously awesome interview on Christine’s and Jaida’s 50 Shades of Bullshit Podcast!! Loved seeing and hearing you!! YOU ROCK!”
Bruce’s List
(Except for the first eight the rest could be put in any order. They are all important, but you must be somewhat flexible and willing to give on some. One will never get them all but that would be great.)
1 Attractiveness which includes A. Their physical appearance looks-wise B. Also includes their age—62-74 C. Their height-preferably 5’5-6’0 D. And their weight—nothing over 190 but this depends a lot on their height.
2 Absolutely no Trumpers—they can be Republican and even conservative but if they follow Trump that is a no starter right off the bat. I am progressive and a Liberal and do not mind a good discourse about politics, but I find Trumpers intolerable.
3 No addictions to alcohol or drugs—I do not mind someone who socially drinks or smokes marijuana (within reason).
4 Non- smoker although I am maybe open to some casual smoking.
5 Mentally stable/not insecure or argumentative/good sense of humor important.
6 Still enjoys physical intimacy/massage etc.
7 Outgoing and sociable/enjoys entertaining and the company of others/allows me my friends—male and female/not the jealous type
8 Enjoys traveling/cruising/fine dining or dive bars/and has the capacity to travel at will.
9 Brings only minor baggage to the relationship—we all have some.
10 Able to relocate to either Ohio or lol-Michigan.
11 Adventuresome and young at heart.
12 Well-read and conversant.
13 Enjoys what I like and vice versa for me—sports/classic cars/OSU! One that would have fun/antiquing/working at my coin store
14 Enjoys young people like my grandchildren.
15 Has no kids at home but having children is fine.
16 Is available for holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving which are very important to me as I am now the patriarch of my family and host events at my home on these days.
17 Enjoys spending significant time at my cottage in Northern Michigan.
Claire’s comment
Claire didn’t provide a list, but she suggested the most important item: “A counselor told me years ago,
‘The most important thing to look for in a relationship is ‘character,’ the way a person treats his mother, his children, the waitress, his or her finances, his/her ex-girlfriend/boyfriend, his/her ex-husband/ wife…observing these things will tell you how he/she will treat you.
“The counselor’s bottom line was when dating LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN when men/women are telling you about themselves and how they treat the people in their lives.”
On Life and Love after 50 