On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – June 7, 2024
by Tom Blake Columnist and Senior Dating Expert
| Senior Man Gets Scammed |
| I used to be an advocate for senior online dating. It gave lonely seniors who were having no luck meeting a potential partner hope that they might meet someone by casting their nets far and wide to areas that had been inaccessible to them. I still believe in senior online dating but with words of caution. After losing Greta, my partner of 25 years, in October 2022, I was one lonely dude. This loneliness emotion affects nearly every senior who has suffered the loss of a partner. Five months later, while sitting home on another empty Saturday night, I tried senior online dating. I had written about online dating, based upon stories Champs had sent me, but frankly, I didn’t know my fanny from first base about its intricacies. I joined Match.com, and a lesser-known dating site, Zoosk. It was overwhelming. I was creating a profile, adding photos, trying to guess who to believe, and what to believe, and hearing from people who lived far away. Some from other cities, states, and foreign countries. Simply overwhelming. Within days, a woman replied on Zoosk. “I love your profile. I admire that you are a writer. I live near you in Oceanside (about a half hour away). I hope we can get together soon. My photos are current.” I checked her photos. There were eight of them. She was drop-dead gorgeous, age 63, 20 years younger. She sent another email: “I will be in Northern California for about a month. I will keep in touch while gone and want to meet you in person when I come home.” I wondered if she was for real. I also wondered why a gorgeous woman 20 years younger would be interested in a man 83. We kept in touch and spoke on the phone a few times. She sent more current pictures, some of her playing pickleball. Slowly, I was starting to believe she was for real. When she returned, she texted, “Can we meet in Dana Point Harbor in front of Harpoon Henry’s and go for a walk?” When I saw her, it took my breath away. She looked like her pictures. She gave me a big hug. Our walk lasted an hour. She held my hand. She asked if we could meet again two days later for a similar walk. During the second walk, she said she’d love to live in Dana Point but knew nothing about Dana Point real estate and it would be helpful if she could see my home. I showed it to her. No hanky panky, just a 10-minute tour. We agreed to meet again. She said we had a lot in common. A day later, she sent a text, “If I move in with you, I wouldn’t want to be tossed to the street if you pass away before I pass away, so I would need you to change your estate plan to leave me the house.” I was amazed that she wanted to live together. And shocked that she wanted to inherit the home I had lived in for 30 years. When I said it was too soon to consider that, we hadn’t even kissed yet, she wrote, “I can’t see you anymore.” At least I hadn’t spent a penny on her. A quick online dating lesson learned: When something sounds or someone looks too good to be true, it most likely is. And even though you’ve met someone real in person, and it appears you like each other, it doesn’t mean you put your guard down and trust that person unconditionally. Relationships take time to build. This past Sunday, Champ Mark sent me an online (The Wall Street Journal) article titled ‘She Hooked Me’: How an Online Scam Cost a Senior Citizen His Life’s Savings. The article spelled out in great detail how a senior man, age 75, lost his life’s savings to a scammer who claimed to be age 37, rich, a Chinese immigrant woman looking for love who contacted him via LinkedIn. I read the 24-page article to see the details. Although the victim was a successful, professional man, who lived in the Midwest, he let his infatuation and naivety overrule his intelligence. He ignored a huge red flag right out of the gate: an age gap of approximately 45 years. Come on now! The scammer enticed him by sending inviting pictures of her. They likely weren’t real. He took the bait. She slowly reeled him in, a ploy by scammers. She convinced him to join an online site called WhatsApp. It’s not a dating site. It keeps conversations and messages private. I’ve used it to communicate with friends who live in Austria. But lately, I’ve been getting bitcoin promotions on WhatsApp so I sense the scammers are trying to trap me into some b.s. scheme. The scammer and the victim had only one very brief phone call which should have been another red flag to him. Slowly, through deception and promises of love, as detailed in the article, she gained his trust and reeled him into financial investments. The victim believed she was a gift from a higher power. He never met her in person. What the heck was he thinking? I’ve always said a person can’t fall in love with an image, you must meet the person face-to-face. This victim didn’t make that happen. He believed her excuses of why she couldn’t meet. He let his imagination control his decision-making. He was vulnerable to manipulation. I’m not suggesting single seniors should avoid online dating. I know many couples who met their partners using online dating sites and are together. I’m one of them. Just be smart. Trust your instincts.I met my woman friend a year ago on Zoosk. She lives about a half-hour’s drive away. Also, scammers don’t only exist on online dating sites. They can be lurking anywhere they smell an opportunity. LikedIn and WhatsApp are not dating sites. So, have your guard up with every stranger you meet. Another Champ, Francine from Florida, emailed this week, “I’m so tired of online dating. I see the same old, same old men.” She’s decided to take a break from the disappointments she is finding online. She also added, “I have fewer tomorrows than I have yesterdays. So, I’m making all of them count.” If you’d like to read the entire WSJ article, here’s the link. You can listen to it on the WSJ site as well. Thanks again to Mark for alerting us about it. ‘She Hooked Me’: How an Online Scam Cost a Senior Citizen His Life’s Savings – WSJ |
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