Decluttering – On Life and Love after 50

Serendipity

On Life and Love After 50 e-Newsletter – June 28 2024

Tom Blake – Columnist and Senior Dating Expert

The responses to last week’s SpaceX eNewsletter triggered unexpected memories and coincidences from my past that dumbfounded me. At the risk of boring you silly, I share them with you today.

Cheryl emailed, “I first wrote to you about meeting a former classmate at my # 40 high school reunion and how we married on the Big Island of Hawaii on New Year’s Eve 2001.

“In 2005, you invited us and other Champs to a Don Ho (Tiny Bubbles) concert at The Coach House in San Juan Capistrano. My husband Guy and I were 58. Guy was swarmed by women asking him for dating advice.”

Tom’s response to Cheryl. Don Ho’s manager in 2005 was Lou Robin, Johnny Cash’s former manager. (Johnny passed in 2003). Lou and I had been friends for 30 years. Minutes before the concert began, Lou came to our Champs’ table and asked me if I would introduce Do Ho to the audience.

I said “yes” even though I had never met Ho. I went on stage and winged it. When Ho came on stage, he treated me like his forever, long-lost friend. It was funny. Ho’s daughter Hoku, 24, (one of 10 children) sang beautifully that evening.

Cheryl sent a photo of herself and Guy at an antique car show that is included below.

Next, another email, this one from Ed, included a different color photo of the same SpaceX in the sky, arrived with the subject line, “Old Times.”

Ed wrote, “We saw the SpaceX launch Tuesday here in Tucson. Spectacular. It’s been 60 years since you and I met each other at the University of Michigan Business School. I grew up in Parma, Michigan and you were from nearby Jackson, so we had that in common.”

Tom’s comments: I was surprised and pleased. Imagine. Out of the blue after 60 years. I knew nothing about Ed’s life. I didn’t realize he became a Champ earlier this year. His list of accomplishments is staggering.

Peggy emailed, “I’m 70 and spent weeks decluttering my parents ‘stuff.’ I say GET RID of ‘stuff’ before you die. Your children will be much happier with you. I’ve now started to collect my own ‘stuff’ and making weekly trips to Restore is much more pleasant and a good feeling! I’m living in the mountains of Georgia now.

Her Georgia comment triggered a thought. I wrote back to Peggy: “Do you remember Wyche Fowler? He was a Congressman and US Senator from Georgia. And the Ambassador to Saudi Arabia. When you mentioned that you live in Georgia, it made me think of Wyche. Great guy. We were roommates in NYC in 1961 after we both graduated from college and went to work for big Wall Street banks.

I hadn’t been in touch with Wyche Fowler for several years. I sent him an email. He responded. We spoke on the phone this Tuesday. Wyche and his woman friend, Becky, have been together for nearly 29 years.

We didn’t talk politics. That’s one of the reasons why we’ve been friends for 63 years. Wyche and Becky are receiving today’s eNewsletter. They may share their story with us for a future column. Update July 31, 2024, Wyche and I emailed each other today. Topic: the upcoming presidential election.

Bonnie wrote, “I enjoyed the photo of the SpaceX contrail. My daughter-in-law’s sister works there and trains the astronauts. I am always interested in their news.” Tom’s response. Although Bonnie worked for the Victoria Station Restaurant chain, as I did, we didn’t know each other.

She’s been a Champ for many years. Her ‘astronauts’ mention struck a chord with me. I graduated from DePauw University in 1961. A Beta Theta Pi fraternity brother named Joe Allen became an astronaut.

I’ve had the picture of Joe and his astronaut crew members on my office wall since 1984. Joe made history while tethered outside the spacecraft. He retrieved a satellite from space and held it over his head during an orbit around the world and that satellite was brought back to earth.

I emailed Bonnie that information with the above picture included and copied Joe Allen and his brother David Allen on my email to Bonnie. Joe lives in Indiana; David in Kentucky. David called me on his cellphone and we spent nearly an hour reminiscing and catching up. Egad, 67 years of friendship.

And speaking of Victoria Station, Wil, one of my bartenders when I managed our Denver restaurant in 1971 responded to last week’s eNewsletter. Wil’s been a Champ for years. He lives in Hawaii and he’s happy he does. He thinks California drivers are insane. I agree with him.

On Friday, Wil emailed: “I’m at the airport in California heading home to Hawaii. I attended a high school wrestling reunion.” Wil’s a survivor. He survived throat cancer 14 years ago and had a stent installed in his neck artery 2 ½ years ago.

Four years ago, at age 72, he married for the first time. He and his wife Pua are pictured below.

Champ Grant wrote, “I thought you might be interested in this.” He attached a video titled “Ring of Fire,” written in 1962 by June Carter Cash. Of course, it’s about her falling in love with Johnny Cash, her husband to be.

The video was recorded live in 1968. It is an incredible piece of music. Carl Perkins and Marshall Grant are playing in the recording and sisters June, Anita, and Helen Carter are singing in the background.

I knew and worked with each one of them in the 1970s. The link is on YouTube Premium. I hope you can open it: (10) Johnny Cash & The Carter Family – Ring Of Fire (Live 1968) – YouTube

I met and worked with Johnny and June in 1975 and remained friends with them for nearly 28 years.

Champ Ellen, Seattle, emailed: “Starlink has been in the news recently. Google Starlink and Elon Musk and see what comes up. (Ellen wasn’t too pleased with what she read online).

She continued, “The Angels are playing the Mariners and there is an AARP block. I just may have to go. “Clutter is something I’m working on. I will have to downsize. I just turned 77. It’s hard to imagine how I got here, but fortunately, I’m healthy and singing in a choir with seniors. We do Rock and Roll.”

Tom’s comment: The reason Ellen mentioned baseball and singing is we met at the Anaheim Angels baseball stadium in the mid-1990s when she sang the National Anthem, and I was seated just a row or two behind her. After singing near the pitcher’s mound, she returned to her seat. I introduced myself and asked her for a date.

As I recall, she turned me down. But, we’ve been long-distance friends ever since.

Finally, filling out this emotional, happy memory week for me was a Facebook post by a Jackson, Michigan high school class of 1957 buddy David Dickinson who commented on the passing of baseball great Willie Mays last week at age 93.

David’s dad owned the Texaco Gas Station near our junior high school. I used to go there to buy candy in the late 1940s. I met Willie Mays at Candlestick Park on the infield when members from our Naval Base were hosted by the Giants in 1964. This week I dug into my archives in the garage and found this picture of Willie Mays shaking hands with our department head, with me behind Willie clasping my hands in awe.

The photo has been preserved perfectly. (See the photo below) Say Hey. What a week.

And one last item. Tuesday night, out of the blue, another pal from my 1957 high school class, Bruce Campbell, called me from Cincinnati. We talked for 25 minutes. He has eight great-grandchildren. I wonder why all of these memories arrived within a few days of each other. There must be an explanation.

Willie Mays-Candlestick Park 1994. Tom clasping hands on left

Champs Cheryl & Guy – vintage Jaquar at Dana Point Car Show

Champ Wil and Pua – Live in Hawaii – married 5 years

Responses to Downsizing and a Space X Surprise

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 21, 2024

By Tom Blake Columnist and Senior Dating Expert

Responses to last week’s Declutter eNewsletter

Before I get into this week’s main topic, I want to report a phenomenon that happened to me on Tuesday night. I left my significant other’s (Debbie) house at 8:45 p.m. to drive home to Dana Point. It was turning dark, but the sunlight was still brushing the nearby mountain tops.

I noticed a bright jet contrail in the sky, the largest I had ever seen, which was illuminated by the sun. There appeared to be a rocket creating that contrail. I could see clearly that powerful engine clawing into space.

Naively, I immediately thought to myself, “This is supernatural. Is the USA under attack? With all the rhetoric from Russia about WW III, could this be it?”

I pulled my car over to phone Debbie, telling her to go outside and look at the sky. A minute later, the above photo popped onto my cellphone. Debbie had taken the photo.

I turned on KNX radio, an all-news station in Los Angeles. The reporters were going nuts, describing the highly visible contrails. I quickly learned that it was the SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket, that had been launched approximately six minutes before from Vandenberg Air Force Base near Santa Barbara, California.

Later, I read on Space.com: “The Falcon 9’s upper stage, meanwhile, continued hauling the 20 satellites toward low Earth orbit, where they’re scheduled to be deployed about an hour after liftoff. The new batch will join more than 6,000 operational satellites in the Starlink mega-constellation.”

My trepidation turned to awe. The rocket engine disappeared into space. And, as an afterthought, I appreciated how fortunate we are to live in peace on this planet and in this country.

And now. Responses to last week’s Downsizing and Decluttering

Often, my weekly eNewsletters generate enough helpful responses from Champs that I can write a follow-up meaningful column.

That didn’t happen last week. I wrote about decluttering and downsizing and only a few comments trickled in.

Champ Louise sent a lengthy response that included her philosophy of decluttering. However, it was her words in one paragraph that made me realize why decluttering isn’t a topic that Champs want to hear about.

Louise said, “You hit home with your ‘clutter’ comments. Our clutter used to be our life, and now it is a problem. Isn’t that ridiculous? To clear it is painful, enlightening, and very needed. Ask yourself if you were moving, would you pack this thing up and pay to have it moved? Probably not.”

Those comments helped me understand why Champs felt last week’s article was a yawner. The word “declutter” was a burr in their saddles. It takes time, it’s boring, it tugs on our emotions, and triggers memories of years gone by. It’s the most procrastinated senior activity.

I included in that column my brief experience trying to sell 143 Writer’s Digest Magazines I’ve kept since the late 1980s. And four Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition posters on Ebay (which I sold) and Facebook Marketplace.

Sheila emailed, “Somebody will want your items for sure, Tom. I have been downsizing for the last year and have had good luck with Marketplace, other than a few times people have responded wanting my cell phone number, (watch out) don’t ever give them your number.

“I posted two items yesterday. What I have found is you can get an inquiry months after posting it when you think no one is interested. I put a Seiko watch on three months ago and last week someone responded and bought it.

“I had knee replacement surgery May 9th so I’m also recovering but doing ok. Take care and good luck downsizing, it feels great to get rid of stuff.”

Sheila is right. I posted those magazines for sale in April. This week, I sold and shipped them to Missouri.

Jessica wrote, “I’d be interested in 10 of the most recent Writer’s Digests.”

Note from Tom: I apologize, Jessica. I wanted to sell them as an entire group and fortunately got rid of them. Besides, the most recent magazine was dated 2006, hardly recent.

Jim emailed, “Decluttering is on my to-do list every week. I procrastinate too much. My garage needs to be done and then my little bedroom. I’ve started getting rid of horse stuff at a consignment place in Norco (CA) but they take 40% on small stuff and 25% on saddles. I have received more than $650 already.

“I hope my five saddles will sell before I am required to reduce my prices by 20%. I’m going to try eBay and Marketplace soon. Do you know of anyone looking for a rein cow horse (Stella) 12 years old with whom I’ve won $1000? Price is $20k?”

Christine, emailed, “In January I finally decided to get rid of the remainder of my deceased husband’s collectibles that have been in my garage for years. I’ve sold much on eBay and was ready to have the Veterans’ truck show up and donate them all.

“Two weeks later, I saw an ad on my FB page for an estate sale company in Brea (next door city to Fullerton). I called and they came. Three loads in their Chevrolet Tahoe SUV, my garage was only filled with my stuff. It was so easy. They auction everything and take 50% off. Seems very fair because of how much work they do. They’re called Yellow Dog Estate Sales and they’re wonderful.”

Regina, “Six weeks ago I put decluttering as the first thing on my to-do list. I haven’t gotten to it yet. I have no excuses; it still sits on my to-do list!”

Tom’s Final Comment:

Enough about decluttering and downsizing. We all understand the need to do so. But it’s challenging.

Send me some senior dating questions, comments, or experiences. Let’s get back to the nuts and bolts of senior romance. July is just around the corner.

Downsizing and Decluttering

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – June 14, 2024

By Tom Blake Columnist and Senior Dating Expert

Decluttering and Downsizing—no more procrastinating

As we move into our 70s, 80s, and 90s, we receive much advice about the need for us to declutter. We need to clean out our closets, offices, garages, attics, basements, and storage units so that after we pass, our offspring or relatives won’t need to deal with it.

Since I retired nine years ago when I sold Tutor and Spunky’s Deli, I’ve been reminding myself to put decluttering near the top of my bucket list.

It seems that every Monday when I step into my office, I say to myself, “This is the week I will go through this workspace and get rid of the junk I’ve been hoarding for years.”

And then, when the next Monday arrives, I repeat the same words, as I managed to procrastinate for yet another week.

Downsizing and decluttering are at the top of my accomplishment list this week. First off, I have two boxes in the living room filled with 142 old issues of Writer’s Digest magazines. I subscribed to Writer’s Digest in 1987 until 2011. Those monthly magazines taught me how to become a writer.

I don’t have the heart to toss them out. I contacted the Writer’s Digest headquarters, thinking those 142 magazines would be a gold mine to them. The guy on the phone said, “I’m sorry. Can you imagine how many old copies we have on our shelves? We are not interested.”

So, I ventured onto eBay and Facebook Marketplace. I have only sold one item on eBay and nothing on Facebook Marketplace as I just signed up for Marketplace this week.

On eBay, I sold a Super Bowl II ticket stub that had been in my office drawer for 56 years. I attended that game. The ticket sold for $600. Couldn’t believe it.

I’ve had one nibble on the 142 Writer’s Digest magazines on eBay. But I didn’t see the offer. I sent a letter to that man and he bought the magazines. There went to boxes from my living room floor. Hooray.

I was in my garage on Monday and looked up at four framed posters that used to be on my deli’s wall. They were oversized (28″ x 21″) poster photos of Sports Illustrated magazine swimsuit edition covers. Three were autographed by the models with some greeting to the deli on them. I thought holy cow, those four posters might be worth a lot. They haven’t sold yet. So, I keep lowering the price.

So, I did a big no-no for seniors, I climbed up a ladder, but just two steps, and pulled the posters down. They are framed in glass and are in great shape. I’m including pictures of the posters at the bottom of this newsletter.

I acquired them between 1989-1992 at private cocktail parties sponsored by Sports Illustrated, as a thank-you tribute to their advertisers. I got to attend because I had a buddy whose company had advertised in Sports Illustrated.

So here I was decluttering, something we seniors all need to do, and I spotted those posters. I’m not decluttering to earn money, but to help my heirs get rid of stuff. And, if I make a few bucks doing that, I’ll treat myself to a Big Mac and fries. Or, more likely a healthy salad instead. I decided to try to sell the four posters online and the 142 magazines.

I don’t think I have shared with you that the new woman in my life, Debbie, whom I met on Zoosk a year ago May 19, is recovering from breast cancer surgery she had three weeks ago. She’s doing well. No cancer had spread.

Debbie’s two daughters, Brianna and Tovah, have been helping her around her house. Of course, their primary mission is to be with their mom, helping Debbie recover. However, the two of them have appointed themselves to be Debbie’s declutter champions. Frankly, I’m thrilled about that.

Tovah is a whiz on Facebook Marketplace and stuff has started to disappear from being stored in Debbie’s garage. Buyers pick things up. I learned about selling stuff online from watching Tovah.

And Brianna is an initiator. On Monday, she rented a U-Haul van and drove it to Debbie’s storage unit. The three women asked if I could meet them at the storage unit in case they needed a hand. The emptying of the storage unit has begun. I agreed to help.

These two daughters, in their mid-40s, with that U-Haul truck parked outside, got busy. It turns out, they didn’t need my muscle power.

Inside that storage unit, they lowered a large couch onto a flatbed wheel cart, took it to the U-Haul van, and loaded it in. They told me (politely) to get out of the way. Then, at Debbie’s home, they carried it about 30 feet into the living room, not to mention lamps and chairs as well. I was dumbfounded. What a couple of go-getters!

When seniors downsize and declutter, they need to accept their children’s, relatives’, and friends’ help in getting rid of stuff. Make it happen. No more procrastinating.

For those of you who are good at placing items for sale online, or are just curious, go to Facebook and search on “Tom Blake Facebook Marketplace listings.” I’d like your opinions on the listings. I have stuff on eBay for sale as well. I’m wide open to suggestions.

Let’s all get busy downsizing and decluttering.

Cheryl in the red dress and (in part 2) getting rid of clutter

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – January 18, 2019

by Tom Blake Columnist

Editor’s note: There are two parts to today’s “On Life and Love after 50 e-newsletter:

Part 1- Cheryl in the red dress

Part 2- Getting rid of clutter, that is, decluttering

Part 1 – Cheryl in the red dress

In the November 30, 2018, e-Newsletter, I quoted Champ Jacquelyn, who had sent me this email: “I know this is not a dating site, but it would be so good to allow us to connect with someone here or post a profile of a Champ once a month. I’m 55 and active, but single and very lonesome.”

In that e-Newsletter, I responded to Jacquelyn: “We’ve done that from time-to-time. Last week, we posted Larry’s email address with his comments. “Why not send me some of your information for posting?”

When Champ Cheryl saw my comment to Jacquelyn, she responded: “I see you’re not opposed to publishing a person’s information and photo, I’m going to take advantage of your kindness and ‘put myself out there.’ Please consider the following:

“I’ve been widowed for 15 years. I’m 72, with red hair and blue eyes. I am retired but active in fun social activities, and like to travel, especially on cruises.

“I’m seeking a man with integrity, protective instinct, kindness, intelligent enough to converse, still has enthusiasm and curiosity, and is authentic.

“I lead with my femininity, have a sharp wit, and am spiritual and traditional, with attributes of having respect, loyalty, and devotion; being non-materialistic; and being real. Attached is a recent photo of me.”

Cheryl in the red dress

I responded to Cheryl (at least I thought I had) saying I needed to know in what part of the States or Canada she lived because a potential mate would want to know that.

But I didn’t hear back from her. I did a follow up e-Newsletter wondering why some people don’t respond. When Cheryl read that newsletter, she wrote:

“I am the ‘Cheryl’ you wrote about in your newsletter, saying that I never responded to you. I didn’t receive any email from you! I don’t know why, but rest assured that I’m eager to meet someone and would have responded immediately. So sorry for whatever happened.

“I live in Los Angeles, just south of LAX. And there’s something else I’d like to add – my preference is for a Jewish man.

“Thanks so much; I really appreciate that you took the time to follow up! You are very conscientious – I will invite you to my wedding!!”

During the time of this exchange, I was writing from the cruise ship where the Internet was iffy. I thought I had responded to Cheryl, but in checking after getting home, much to my horror, I saw my message to her never went. I apologized to her.

She wrote, “Thank you, Tom. I have no ties here and am willing to relocate, if there are men who are willing to date long-distance for a while, and, use Skype. I also continue to hope that some of your Champs may ‘know someone’ appropriate for me. As you said, it’s worth a try. I appreciate your help.”

If anyone would like to email Cheryl, email me and I will forward your email to her.

Lesson learned: As Cheryl said, it’s worth a try. Stay with it because as illustrated in this example, the mistake was mine. You may communicate with someone and not hear back. Don’t assume he or she received your message, whether by email or text. Anything can happen so always follow up until you’re sure.

A perfect example of that: On the ship, I met a couple from Washington state. They told me about a widow friend of theirs, nicknamed “Sam.” I said, let me send her a couple of my dating books. He provided me with Sam’s address, a p.o. box. I shipped the books January 2; they arrived back in my mailbox on January 12, marked: “Return to Sender. Unable to Forward.”

I notified the couple what happened. They found out that Sam had opened a p.o. box when she was first widowed, not wanting to reveal her actual street address. But, two years later, Sam decided to close the p.o. box, perhaps feeling she could safely resume using her home address.

When I found that out, the books were resent this week to her snail mail address. Hopefully, Sam will become a new Champ.

Part 2 – Declutter project brings Tom’s book offer

Speaking of my printed books, may I seize this moment to talk about them? Greta and I are in a major downsizing and decluttering this New Year’s; I moved my unsold cases of books to a self-storage space. While grunting and groaning doing that, I said to myself, “I need to move out some of these books. I’m going to offer Champs a major price incentive on books.”

Here’s the offer: I will ship autographed and personally endorsed copies of any two books (I have four), including postage and sales tax, to Champs with an address in the USA for $15. That’s like five bucks a book. Check out my bookstore at https://www.findingloveafter50.com/bookstore

If you want this offer, email me at tompblake@gmail.com and let me know what books. I will invoice you by email via my PayPal account where you can pay by credit card. I will need your snail mail address, which the PayPal order requires.

I will be happy to ship the printed books (these are not ebooks) to anyone you wish (as gifts, get-even ploys with ex mates—for whatever reason), providing they have a USA address. Shipping books out of the country is too expensive.

Three books would be $20 and all four would be $25, including postage and sales tax. I will need to know how you want me to endorse them. Something like this: “To Jerry, thanks for ghosting me, you ***”

So that’s it for this week. Downsizing and getting rid of clutter are exhausting, but so important!