| On Life and Love after 50 e-Newsletter – October 11, 2024 A Senior Love Story By Columnist Tom Blake |
| In August 2021, Ray Freer, 80, a widower, moved from Park City, Utah, where he had lived for 30 years, to Laguna Woods Village, a 55-plus private community of approximately 18,000 residents in Orange County, California. He moved to Laguna Woods because he loves to play tennis. I was introduced to Ray by my friend and fraternity brother, Tom Brunkow. Tom and I met 67 years ago in 1957, as freshmen in the Beta Theta Pi fraternity at DePauw University, in Greencastle, Indiana. Tom Brunkow is in the DePauw Athletic Hall of Fame for his tennis accomplishments. Ray has won multiple tennis tournaments and through tennis is how they met. Ray signed up for my eNewsletter on December 21, 2021. Emails Ray sent me over three years are included below. Ray’s December 21, 2021, email Ray wrote, “Went to a dance. I found it very awkward. On either side of me were a married woman and that sort of protected me. They were not on the market. Across the table were six unattached women. That intimidated me. “I play racket sports (Tennis, Paddle and Pickleball). There are lots of attractive women doing that, which makes it easier for me to talk to them one-on-one. “In Laguna Woods almost everyone is friendly. I haven’t connected with a woman yet. I am sure my time will come. If lightning strikes, I will pursue it wholeheartedly. “Octogenarian (80) Ray of Hope.” Ray’s April 11, 2022, email Ray emailed “Life here in Laguna Woods is good and getting better. There are quite a few LATs (living apart together couples) here. “It’s lonely. I haven’t found anyone, but all is OK. The good thing about the activities is they allow a person to meet others with similar interests before getting deeply involved. The activities provide time and opportunities to meet without commitment. “The demographics here in Laguna Woods suggest seven or eight women for each man. Here’s how I estimated the ratio (the numbers are approximations): The population of Laguna Woods is 18,000. Six thousand are men and 12,000 are women. Assuming 5,000 of those men are married, that takes away 5,000 from the 12,000 women. So, 7,000 available women are left with 1,000 available men. “Many people have significant others here. Some women, consistent with a lack of interest, just are not available. But that still suggests there are lots of ladies out there. “It is weird being out there at 81. Many of the women with whom I talk say that the only thing men want is to get into the sack with them but with no real ongoing relationship. Some say it’s not worth the bother. Many simply avoid the dating scene entirely.” Ray’s October 14, 2022, email “It is just my impression, but when a couple starts sleeping together the relationship becomes more emotional. At some level that implies more of a commitment. “I enjoy senior sex, but I have not been pursuing it because I don’t want to hurt the other person by not following through with an emotional and enduring commitment. “The other side of that is I am picky so that is frustrating as well. I suspect I am not unique but, ‘Who knows?’ “I have some lady friends that appeal at one level or another, but it just hasn’t reached the ‘Let’s get physical’ stage a la the Olivia Newton-John record. I suspect it will come but who knows when? It’s a conundrum. “The final issue is, while someone might appeal to me, it does not necessarily follow that I would appeal to her. It wouldn’t be her fault if I didn’t float her boat. Ray’s February 10, 2023, email “I read your list of 12 characteristics in your eNewsletter. I never made a list of characteristics wanted in a mate, but it makes sense. Also, in concert with your eNewsletter, I have never sought a replacement for my wife Mary. On the other hand, I do seek a person with some similar traits she had.” “Regarding your question about my involvement with a person here. I am involved with a gal named Libby. Her father taught me how to play tennis She checks off a lot of the boxes on the list. I keep thinking it might come to pass, but so far, no real heat. She has lived in Laguna Woods for more than 10 years. May 2024 In May 2024, My woman friend Debbie and I were invited to dinner at Ray’s home with the Brunkows in attendance. Ray and Libby had become a committed couple. Senior marriage at 83 Ray’s September 27, 2024 email “Libby and I married on June 29, 2024. We had lived together for a year and a half. She sold her condo and moved in with me. We have known each other for 74 years. When we were kids, she was a year and a half older than me. When I was in 5th grade she was in 7th, an unbridgeable age gap at the time. “Now at the advanced ages of me (83) and Libby (84), the age gap isn’t an issue. I refer to her as a cougar robbing the cradle. “I play tennis frequently. Libby walks daily and I join her three days a week. Both of us go to the gym regularly. We are healthy and that is why we married. We simply want to live those twilight years as positively as possible. “Your list of twelve questions to discuss to determine compatibility was very helpful. We are so boring. We were similar in answering every question. We appreciate each other and are fortunate to enjoy many of the same things. Your eNewsletter helps many seniors.” Tom’s comment: Wow, Ray and Libby’s story shows why single seniors should never give up hope. The coincidence of marrying someone he knew for 73 years is mind-boggling. And exciting. |
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| Ray and Libby Freer wedding June 29, 2024 photo courtesy of Ray and Libby Freer |
On Life and Love after 50 