Greta Cohn – My life partner for 25 years
| On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter October 27, 2023 A Widower For One Year By Columnist Tom Blake |
A Widower For One Year This week’s eNewsletter was inspired by an email from Champ Gloria. I have written twice about Gloria, who lives in Florida. The first time was 11 years ago about her meeting Peter in 2012. I nicknamed him The Italian Stallion. The second time I wrote about her was on April 28, 2023. The news was sad; Peter had passed away on January 12. Gloria and I have never met in person, but we’ve become email pen pals, sharing each other’s feelings of sadness, grief, and glimmers of hope during the first year after losing our mates. Gloria emailed, “Is October the anniversary month of your partner Greta’s passing? “Things are the same here in Florida. I don’t want to be on a dating site now, maybe again next year but currently I am done with the 78-year-old men who are looking for women in their early 60s. “I am okay; it’s been nine months since Peter died, and I still attend the grief support group and make friends there. We go out to lunch now and then, which pleases me. “Occasionally, I go to happy hour with a girlfriend, but I notice more women than men at the bar. I network by asking friends if they know someone but no one does. It might change but for now, there is no one. “I realize that it’s a lot more difficult to meet someone at age 70 than it was 13 years ago. “I miss him but cry less often and feel grateful for what life offers me now. I still want a partner, so I will not give up hope.” I replied to Gloria, “Yes, Greta passed away last year on October 29. It’s hard to believe it’s been a year. In retrospect, it seems the year went by quickly, but I also recall the endless hours and days when time crawled, and my heart was heavy missing her. Technically, I’m not a widower as we weren’t married. But being together for 25 years qualifies me as the equal to a widower. “Gloria, you are at the nine-month mark after losing Peter. Grief support has helped you and helped me as well. For me, it’s mostly because of the friendships with five women and one man formed via the grief share gatherings and the activities the seven of us occasionally do together. “We are not the only Champs who suffered a loss last year. Many others have shared similar feelings of sadness and grief with me. So, this is not just about you and me, it’s about all of us. “As I am emailing you, I am looking at five notes I scribbled by hand that are taped to my desktop computer (see photo below). They somewhat reflect the different stages I went through during the first few months after Greta’s passing. They are: 1.STUG – an acronym for “Sudden Temporary Uptake of Grief” (unpredictable when they occur but felt often in the first few months, less now but still inevitable) 2. Don’t Overthink It. (Reminding myself to stop thinking about why I lost Greta and what more I could have done to help her) 3. Let It Be. (Reminding myself that when adversity arises now, I have no control over it so don’t sweat it) 4. It Doesn’t Matter. (Felt after people insist that I should have waited a year before dating. At my age, I don’t have time to wait) 5. Are You Ok? (My 3-word response to disarm people speaking negatively about how I’m proceeding with life). “So, Gloria, how will I spend October 29, the one-year anniversary of Greta’s passing? I will likely go to Salt Creek Beach and look out over the Pacific Ocean toward Catalina Island, where Greta’s ashes were scattered, and reflect on how blessed I was to have had her in my life for 25 years. “And how blessed I am now to have friends and two sisters who care about me. “Or I might go Standup Paddle Boarding in Dana Point Harbor to enjoy the Pelicans and Sea Lions so prevalent there. Doing that gives me an appreciation of nature and beauty. “You take care, Gloria. As one of my singing idols, Bob Seger, croons, You’ll be fine in your time.” “I will be fine also.” |
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| Tom’s somewhat messy desktop with five hand-scribbled notes taped to the computer. |
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