Month: March 2023

Senior Dating Follies

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter March 31, 2023

Senior Dating Columnist Tom Blake

I was amazed at how many Champs responded to last week’s “Mom’s Books” eNewsletter, in which Victoria, a former neighbor, helped me downsize by finding homes for my mom’s books. Like Victoria, many of you are book lovers. And a few of you mentioned how the article inspired you to put other downsizing projects near the top of your to-do lists.

Today’s topic: Senior Dating Follies

Today we focus on the realities of senior dating. It’s one of those “spraying to all fields,” articles, as the incomparable San Francisco Chronicle columnist Herb Caen used to describe articles that covered a plethora of different topics all in the same column. Caen, of course, was referring to a baseball batter who could spray hits to right field, center field, or left field–scattered all over the place.

Champ Dyana emailed, “I was happy to find your Findingloveafter50.com website because dating at my age can be daunting. I have a profile on Match.com and am starting to meet a few people.

“The struggle within myself now is wondering how much, and how important is physical attraction (senior chemistry). Can it grow if it’s not there at the start? I hear tales of that happening. Of course, aside from that, attraction for a person’s character, mind, and values are imperative.”

Tom’s response: “I suggest, Dyana, that you make your own priority list of characteristics wanted in a mate. If physical attraction is a lower priority for you, move it down your list. Perhaps “availability” and “geographic location” are more important. From your photo, I see you have a wonderful smile. That’s an important asset in the senior dating world. For me, physical attraction tops my list. Sort of frightening, at my 80+ age, but that’s how I’m built.

Francine emailed, “Senior dating online is not for the faint-hearted. I’ve been doing it on and off for 10 years. My favorite husband (#3) passed away 11 years ago and then eight months later I met Bob on Match.com. We dated for five years until his untimely death. Both men were in their late 60s.

Tom’s comment: Francine’s losses made me think about a grief-sharing workshop I attended last Monday night. At the suggestion of a woman Champ, I attended a session of senior grief counseling at a local church. I had no idea what to expect. I went there to try to help ease the pain of losing Greta. There were eight women and two men “grievers” there, plus two very savvy, caring, and empathetic women counselors.

I was astounded at what the other grievers are going through. Losing children, spouses, lovers, and often more than one loss at about the same time. Their stories helped me understand what I am dealing with. I learned how grieving can affect one’s life such as trying to accomplish too many projects at once, not sleeping enough, and not eating right.

Back to Francine’s comments: She added, “Senior dating is not easy, but I’ve been lucky. I’m 76, look 60, and have the energy of a 40-year-old. How come? I work at it. I refuse to get ‘old.’ I still work out and live my life. We live every day. We only ‘die’ once.

“No one should ever judge what’s right or wrong with a griever’s behavior who is trying to move forward in life. That applies to judging Tom as well. If volunteering is your thing, do it. If dating is your thing, do it. Being oneself is the only way to go. I’ve met men online, in supermarket lines, banks, trains, planes, buses, etc. There are many ways to meet people. Perhaps take a course at a local school—a great way to meet people for both men and women.

“How soon after a loss to put oneself out there? Everybody’s different. As was mentioned last week, don’t be critical of someone’s actions if you haven’t walked in that person’s shoes.”

This week, I interviewed Kathryn Coduto, a Boston University assistant professor who has done recent research focused on dating apps technology. She said, “Only 28% of people ages 55 or older feel they can find a soulmate using dating apps.

“Americans doubt dating apps are the best way to find a successful relationship and certainly don’t trust them—but they’re apparently unwilling to give up on apps like Match, Tinder, and Hinge in the search for their true soulmates.”

I’m certain Ms. Coduto will share more sage thoughts for us going forward. Oh my, there is so much to learn in senior and online dating.

Champ Cheryl said, “It takes courage and perseverance to find a loving partner online, but certainly the chances of success are much greater than waiting for the goose ‘to lay the golden egg in our yard!” Cheryl is saying put yourself out there. Don’t sit around at home.

And finally, from Mary Lou, “Men sign up for sites like Our Time and Zoosk but never respond to my profile/photo beyond the initial ‘like.’ They often take selfies in their bathroom, are heavily bearded, and want to play golf as an introductory activity. Why does a man even put himself out there as it is a waste of my time to even respond? What am I not getting?”

Tom’s response: “Isn’t senior online dating a hoot? If a guy’s photo shows him in a bathrobe or bathroom and with a heavy beard, he’s a quick delete. And play golf as a first date? What a joke. It’s bad enough to have a coffee date that is a bust for maybe 30 minutes. But playing golf, even nine holes could take an hour and a half. That could be brutal if you can’t stand each other. What if he tries to kiss you in the golf cart? You might fall out trying to escape! Write those dudes off. 

I am new to this senior online dating world. I am shocked by the bogus photo trick. Guys tell me they see some women’s pictures and then meet them and think they are with the mothers of the pictured women. My pics aren’t a day at the beach, but all are current except one. The two below don’t count.

Try finding a mate when you’re in your 80s. How does one make chicken salad out of chicken manure? Just chalk it up to this senior dating game. 

Send me a short bio and a photo. Who knows? We might meet for golf on a first date, as long as it’s at a miniature golf course and there’s a cocktail lounge near the first tee.

I mentioned that today’s article might be “spraying to all fields.” It did, but it was fun, and written with a smile. And thank you, Herb Caen.

Senior downsizing: Mom’s Books

Senior Downsizing: Mom’s Books

By Senior Dating Columnist Tom Blake

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

March 23, 2023

In 2017, there was a young family living across the street from Greta and me in Dana Point. The mom, Victoria (pictured above), told us her son was named Cash (age five), and her daughter was named Waylan Jane (age two).

“Why those names?” I asked.

Victoria said, “We love Johnny Cash, Waylon Jennings, and country music.”

Victoria was surprised when I told her I had worked with Johnny in 1975-1976 and had been friends with him. When Greta and I mentioned we were going to Nashville to visit the Johnny Cash Museum, Victoria asked if we could do her a favor.

She said, “My son is a huge Johnny Cash fan. He has written a letter to Johnny. He would be thrilled if you could give it to Johnny. Of course, young Cash didn’t comprehend that Johnny and his wife June had passed away in 2003.

The letter read, “Mr. Cash. I love you. I like the song ‘A Boy Named Sue,’ it’s funny. I’m named Cash too.” (See picture below of Tom handing the letter to Johnny).

I told Victoria I’d somehow get the letter to Johnny. At the museum, I had a picture taken of me handing it to a staged picture of Johnny. I brought the picture home and gave it to Cash.

A year later, the family moved to San Clemente. I kept in touch with them via an occasional email.

A month ago, Victoria asked to meet me at Coffee Importers in Dana Point Harbor. After our visit, as we were leaving, she stopped at a used book display sponsored by the Friends of the Dana Point Library. Victoria purchased two books for two dollars each. She said, “I love books and the people who volunteer at the library are incredible.”

Lately—as many seniors do–I’ve been trying to downsize at home. One of my top priorities has been to donate the 250+ books that are gathering dust on shelves. Most of the books were my mom’s. She was an avid book collector and reader.

At age 93, Mom moved to a larger home because she wanted more space to store her books. Often, she inserted small hand-written notes, postcards, newspaper book reviews, and other miscellaneous items inside the pages.

After Mom passed, nearly all her books came to my house. I hadn’t opened many of them.

I kept thinking about Victoria and her love of books. When she texted me in mid-March, I popped a question: “I’m going to donate all my books. Would you like to check them out first and take home books that you’d like to keep?”

“Love to,” Victoria said.

On Saturday, March 18, she arrived at 9:45 a.m. I figured she’d be at the house for a half hour.

She sat on the living room floor where I had placed the books and took two hours to go through them. She meticulously opened every book and carefully removed 130 of Mom’s items, reading them, and commenting on them.

I was astounded. Mom had inserted notes she had written, including her philosophies on religion, postcards and Christmas cards from her children, and newspaper articles from the San Francisco Chronicle from as early as 1973. There were clippings from Saturday Review, and The New Yorker—so many items that revealed Mom’s incredible thirst for knowledge.

Victoria said, “Your Mom was an amazing woman. I am honored to have these books coming to my home, where they will be loved and appreciated.” One item that Victoria found was a copy of the Emily Dickinson poem,

“After great pain, a formal feeling comes”

that Mom had written the words to on a small piece of paper. Moments before, Victoria had received a text on her phone from a friend of hers that mentioned Emily Dickinson. How serendipitous was that? By the way, the final words to that poem are “…then the letting go.”

If Victoria hadn’t leafed through the books, those personal items would have been gone forever. Instead, I put them in large envelopes for my sisters to go through. Victoria had virtually recovered the Blake history that would have disappeared forever.

And then Victoria said, “If you want, we can take the books I won’t be taking home to the Dana Point Library this morning.” I was dumbfounded. The thought of this daunting downsizing task being over thrilled me. She phoned her friends who volunteer there and informed them that we’d be bringing a few cases of books to the library.

One book I kept was an American Red Cross First Aid Text-Book, dated June 1937, with my brother Bill’s signature inside the front cover. Inserted in the pages were two Johnson & Johnson unopened sterile gauze pads. I’m keeping the book and pads in his memory (picture below).

Within a half hour, the books being donated were inside the library where Victoria introduced me to the three women “Friends of the Library” who were volunteering that day. I was so impressed with their dedication and enthusiasm. 

When bidding goodbye to Victoria, she said, “I didn’t expect this to be such an emotional day.”

When I got home, I got a little teary-eyed. Mom’s books had found a new home where a person loved books as much as Mom did. They will be treasured for years. If Victoria hadn’t surfaced when she did, Mom’s books and those precious inserts would have been gone forever. My sisters Pam and Chris and I would not have known if Mom’s books were being appreciated like they are going to be now.

It gives me and my sisters peace of mind knowing Mom’s books are in the possession of an incredible and loving person. I know Mom is beaming from above.

And thank you, Victoria for being an absolute angel. And for helping me with my downsizing project. 

Link to “A Boy Named Sue” from Johnny Cash’s Live At San Quentin album (1969). Notice how much the prisoners loved this song. The guitar player on the right who smiles when Johnny refers to “a bottle of booze” is Carl Perkins, who wrote Blue Suede Shoes and made it popular.

Senior Online Dating

By Tom Blake – Senior Dating Columnist

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter

More Insights Into Senior Online Dating

Senior dating issues and senior dating advice and senior love

Last week’s “Online Deal Breakers and Deal Makers” eNewsletter elicited a wealth of comments from our Champs. Today, we include several of those responses.

Gloria emailed, “I found my love on Match.com three-plus years ago. He is turning 85 and I am almost 82. It truly is never too late. We lived 45 minutes apart when we met. We are now living full-time together in Palm Desert (near Palm Springs).”

Cheri, “Your beloved has been gone five months and here you are on a quest for another relationship already? That is quite disheartening to me.”

Tom’s response to Cheri’s comment comes from the above-pictured quote attributed to Elvis Presley, which is in a caption under a photo of Johhny Cash and Elvis on my wall at home:

“Don’t criticize what you don’t understand, son. You never walked in that man’s shoes.”

Often, with older couples who have been together for years, they tell each other that when one passes first, the other should attempt to find a nice mate to help get through the difficult times of grief ahead. It’s kind of a green light each person gives the other. It’s an unselfish thing to do.

Greta and I did that. Does that mean you love your deceased mate less? Hell no; it means you need to make the best of the remaining years remaining. You need to attempt to move forward.

And if any reader thinks writing about this has been easy for me, they’ve got another guess coming. I’m just trying to help.

Larry, a Champ and long-time friend of mine wrote this week, “At our age, you and I may not have three years to let the dust settle. Who knows? No time to wait.”

And Champ Jean commented, “Tom, you are a great guy, and you get it. You deserve a nice, supportive, fun-loving woman. Don’t settle for mediocre. Good luck in your quest for companionship.”

Wayne, “I know how much you loved Greta and the last few months must have been difficult and lonely. On the brighter side, we only have so many years left and there are many nice women who would love your companionship. You are a catch!”

Thyrza, “Everything you stated in last week’s newsletter happened to me. One romance scammer who lived nearby posted a photo of himself that was 20 years old. When we met in person, he looked like he had walked across the Sahara Desert. We met for coffee but weren’t a match.

“There were other negative experiences as well. It takes patience and smartness not to get into a tricky situation. I did not give up until I met my current man.”

Cheryl, “Matt and I met on OK Cupid. What I really liked about that site was the availability of thousands of questions that can be answered. The answers are multiple-choice, but each answer has a space where you can write a comment/explanation of your answer.

“Matt had answered over 400 questions, most of which included an explanation, and I had answered over 600 questions with explanations when we started communicating. So, we already knew much about each other before our initial contact. 

“When I was ‘surfing’ the site, I found it very helpful to be able to read responses from guys on certain issues I was concerned about. I could determine ‘deal breakers’ easily and not contact that person. One guy, for example, responded that he likes dogs but ‘not in my house.’ My dogs have always been in my house, so that was an immediate deal-breaker for me.  

“No scammer is going to go to the trouble of answering hundreds of questions! They all seem to follow basically the same format of answering a few similar questions typically written in very poor English!”

“I’m glad you’ve decided to jump into online dating. I think the age issue is extremely variable in terms of impact. Some people are old at 50 and others are still young at 80. Our physical status impacts us but so does our attitude!  

“Take good care, and I hope you find a loving partner for ‘the rest of the journey.’”

Mary, a woman I started going steady with on January 9, 1955 (68 years ago), set me straight by writing, “After reading through your assessment of dating-meeting websites, I can think of no reason why you would continue. Get out: volunteer. You know the drill.”  

Tom’s response to Mary’s comment. After all these years, she’s still trying to set me straight! (said with a grin). I agree that volunteering and other forms of face-to-face activities are important in one’s quest to meet a mate. However, the process of meeting someone in that way can take a great deal of time. And I don’t have time to waste. So sure, do some of those things but cast a wide net. And consider adding internet dating to your repertoire!

One positive of internet dating is that you can reach out to a multitude of people in minutes who fit your criteria (Of course, some or many of them will likely be scammers).

Terri, “I wondered how long it would take you to dive into the dating pool. I wish you the very best of luck, you may well be on the adventure of a lifetime! I hope you share some of those adventures with your Champs.

“I spent six years on dating sites after my divorce (33 years of marriage). It took me from my mid-60s into my 70s. I met some real doozies. I also met several nice men who I still consider to be great friends. I have not been on a dating site for two years. I have a steady date who is wonderful and loyal, and a couple of lovely men who still call me to see if their luck might have changed.

“Match.com is a good place to start and still the best place that we have to meet other singles and potential friends. Good luck and my best to you.”

Barb, “I gave up on online dating. One guy I met professed to be Catholic and fully following the teachings. After we communicated for several months, I spent most of the day visiting him. He picked me up at the airport. After getting into his vehicle, his first words were, ‘I went to the VA to get tested, and I’m clean, good to go.”

“I responded, ‘If that’s your idea of a first date, you can take me back to the airport. After the air was cleared, we had an enjoyable day. No romantic connection, but we are still texting friends.”

Althea, “From your newsletter last week, I can see that your loneliness is getting to you. So, you joined Match.com. Welcome to frustration and disappointment. I think the biggest red flags and the people to stay away from are the ones who are over the top and obsessed on any subject…politics, religion, looks, weight, age, exes, their family, and pets…run fast.

“I bet your next honey will be the woman you bump into at the supermarket or park or walking down the street…maybe paddle boarding? Or a friend says, ‘I have someone I want you to meet.’”

Judith, “Five years after my husband of 45 good years passed, I was ready for a new guy. We met on Match and after months of dates and talks, we became a couple. We’ve been together for five years and share good times. We both have our own homes but spend nights together. Thanks for your words of wisdom.”

Laurie Jo, “Regarding online dating, I never found a match and I dated like it was a job. Had up to three coffee dates a day. Kept notes.

“I was the target of a scam that wasn’t obvious at first. This person invested a lot of time on the phone with me. But it all became clear when he was ‘stuck in UAE due to customs taking his gemstones’ and he needed $2,000.

“I said, ‘Not my problem’ and he never called again.”

Elenute emailed, “I’ve been on dating sites for six years. SilverSingles is a terrible site: over 90% of what I’ve received are scams. I’m getting pretty good at sorting them out. I’m ready to cancel the two dating sites I’m on when my subscriptions run out.”

Tom’s ending remarks: From the comments above, there is little doubt that online dating for people 50-plus is a huge challenge. All sites have scammers. Profile pictures often aren’t current. I noticed that some women make an honest effort to put “date picture taken” captions under their photos. I wrote to some of those women and thanked them for being honest about their pictures.

Which senior dating sites are the best? I found an article dated March 3, 2023, in a San Francisco Bay area local newsletter called The Daily. The article is titled, “10 Best Senior Dating Sites for Mature Singles Over 40.”

That article does a thorough job of ranking the sites. Perhaps read it and study the reviews. Here’s the link:

https://www.sfgate.com/market/article/best-senior-dating-sites-17242542.php

As I wrote last week: Remember, it only takes finding the right one for you. Easier said than done, but don’t give up trying. 

Senior dating: Deal Makers/Deal Breakers

By Tom Blake NL

March 10, 2023

Senior Dating: Deal Makers/Deal Breakers

By Tom Blake – author and columnist

After sitting at home alone for five months after losing, Greta, my partner of 25 years, with the exception of having had a few casual coffee dates, two meals out, and attending some social events, I decided I needed to do more reaching out to meet other senior singles. I had grown weary of listening to Collin Raye’s March 1994 song “Little Rock,” which is one of the most powerful loneliness songs I’ve ever listened to.  (see link at the end of today’s article).

I’ve heard from many seniors who say they’ve met a new partner using online dating sites. On one particularly lonely Monday night, I decided to join Match.com. Here’s what I’ve learned after one week.

There are a plethora of quality senior women on Match. From scanning their profiles, here are a few facts that I consider to be deal makers or deal breakers.

  1. A person’s listed age. It doesn’t mean the age listed is accurate. Someone who posted their profile a few years ago may have subsequently changed their birth date so that the posted age next to their picture is lower than their true age. However, I think most ages listed are accurate. At my age, 80+, lots of people will pass me by for a younger version.
  • Photos. This is huge. Often, but not with everyone, the thumbnail photo on the home page was taken 5-10+ years earlier. So, be ware of outdated thumbnail photos.
  • One needs to scroll through all the photos posted by that person (some people post 10 to 20 photos and more recent photos reveal how a person has aged). You must almost become a detective doing your sleuthing to determine what a person looks like currently. Boy-oh-boy, people can age quickly. I think of Rod Stewart’s song Maggie May, when he sings, “The morning sun when it’s in your face really shows your age.”

Also, some people don’t put captions under their photos that reveal when their photos were taken. They just leave the captions blank. Or they include a caption, for example, that says, “Summer of 2016.” Then you have to say to yourself, ok, add seven years to envision how the person looks in 2023.

Some people post pictures of flowers or of them in restaurants with a bunch of friends with a caption that might say, “Here I am with my women friends in a restaurant in Rome in 2010.” Or they post photos of themselves wearing hats so large their faces are so dark you can’t see what they look like. Many don’t show full-body pictures, so you have no idea of what their bodies look like.

Not to mention. They post pictures of themselves holding their dog or dogs. Or, pictures of the dog by itself. Senior daters aren’t looking to date a dog; they want to date a real-life human being.

  • The next item I look for is political party affiliation. I like to see “Moderate” or “No party affiliation” listed. I don’t want to match up with a screaming conservative or a screaming liberal. I’ve seen profiles that state, “All politicians are corrupt.” Party affiliation might not be a deal breaker in a relationship but two people would need to judge that for themselves.
  • An important consideration is how far away a person lives from where I live. Long-distance relationships are challenging. If a person lives more than a half hour away by car it will be difficult to see each other often enough. I don’t look at a profile if a person lives far in the Los Angeles area. If I ever get into another committed relationship, I’d hope to be with that person four to six nights a week.

One thing I discovered is by widening my search radius by 10-30 miles, I am getting posts from people in the Palm Springs area. That’s important to me as I will be spending a lot of time at my vacation home out there. It would be nice to meet a new friend who lives in the Coachella Valley instead of hanging out in an Agua Caliente Casino looking senior love or for luck.

  • Many women have pets, particularly dogs, and then cats. Some have horses. I don’t have a problem with that. However, if every picture posted shows them with their animals, that can be a turnoff.
  • Online dating for seniors isn’t a picnic or a candy store. It takes effort, time, energy, honesty, decency, patience, and creativity. One needs thick skin because rejection is part of the game.
  • Senior online daters need to remember the adage: “All it takes is one.” And that’s what most senior singles are looking for.

As time goes on, I’ll try to keep you posted on my online dating adventure. Until then, here’s the link to that Collin Raye song. Get your hankies out.

I’m Not Lisa – finding senior love

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter March 3, 2023, by Tom Blake columnist

I’m Not Lisa

“I just read your February 10, 2023, eNewsletter about ‘Joan’ and her concerns about being compared to a previous spouse. I’d like to comment on that article and a bit about grief.

“My husband Matt is a widower, and I am (twice) divorced. We live in Mt. Vernon, Ohio. There is grief experienced in both situations. Matt was married to his first wife for 25 years. I was married the first time for 25 years and the second time for 18 years. There is no way, having been married for 25 or 43 years, that it’s possible to avoid talking about previous marriages. 

“I read your eNewsletter to Matt this morning, and he commented that it is possible to still love a previous spouse but also love and appreciate a new partner. When I learned about Matt’s experience with his wife, I was glad that he had loved her and continued to feel love for her. 

“If a person has been in a loving relationship that he or she highly values, I feel they can engage in a loving relationship again. I think ‘Joan’ should consider it a positive thing that a potential partner would describe his previous relationship as loving and even as ‘the love of his life.’ 

“That was the ‘love of his life’ then, but it doesn’t mean that he can’t find ‘the love of his life’ now. The key, as you, Tom, wrote, is to make each other a top priority and focus on the new relationship.

“I’ll share with you a couple of issues that arose with Matt and me regarding our previous spouses. I moved into the house that Matt and his first wife lived in. It was a house that Matt had not been enthused about but she ‘loved it,’ and he bought it for her. I admit when I moved in, I felt to some extent like I was living in ‘her’ house. 

“Graciously, Matt agreed to my ideas of redecorating which I felt we needed to do primarily because he had been trying to sell the house, but it hadn’t been updated from the 70s. An important benefit from the redecorating was that the house now reflected my taste (Matt gave me the green light on the redecorating) and the feeling of living in ‘her’ house greatly diminished. 

“Another issue that arose was when we gave each other permission to put family pictures on the refrigerator. Matt put some pictures of his deceased wife on the fridge. Initially, I didn’t think it would bother me as I knew he loved me and was devoted to our relationship.

“Eventually I realized that it bothered me a little seeing pictures of her every time I opened the fridge door! I had not put my ex’s pictures on the refrigerator.

“So, we talked about it and I asked him to keep pictures of her in his office, which he understood and agreed to do. I had not put pictures of my ex-husband where Matt could see them. 

“Regarding my ex-husband, occasionally issues have arisen concerning my reaction to some of Matt’s comments that reminded me of my ex’s behavior. Matt has responded by saying, ‘I’m not your ex,’ and we have been able to talk about my reaction and feelings. 

“I think especially in the case of a divorce, there are negative experiences that can trigger a reaction even before you are aware of it. The key is to be able to talk about feelings and reassure each other of the love you share and be able to comfort each other for what was lost and/or experienced in the previous relationship. 

“As you said, Tom, whether you have been widowed, divorced, or in a committed relationship, grief is experienced over the loss of that loving relationship.  

“I think entering a new relationship as a ‘senior’ has different challenges compared to when we are younger. I hope Joan will continue her online search for a new, loving relationship and will be willing to look beyond an initial response from a potential mate.  

“My wish is that you Tom are doing well as you move through your grieving process. I am reading a great book, Atlas of the Heart, by Brene’ Brown, a social worker who has researched emotions for decades. Concerning grief, Brown says, “Grief does not obey your plans or your wishes. Grief will do whatever it wants to you, whenever it wants to. 

“In that regard, grief has a lot in common with love. When a person adapts to a loss, grief is not over. We’re not sad for the rest of our lives, but grief finds a place in our lives.”  

Tom’s comment: Cheryl’s story emphasizes the need for open, honest, and drama-free communication among older couples. And how to deal with grief and each person’s pictures of lost loved ones around the house when two seniors move in together. Actually, if they are in a committed relationship and living apart, the pictures will likely still be a subject to discuss and agree upon.

A woman I recently spoke to said to me, “It shouldn’t even matter if the pictures are on the refrigerator door. You just can’t wipe away the years you had together with a person you loved.”

I had to smile when I read Matt’s words to Cheryl, “I’m not your ex.” Those four words reminded me of the 1975 song by Waylon Jennings’ wife, Jessi Colter, titled I’m not Lisa, especially, these words:

“I’m not Lisa

My name is Julie

Lisa left you years ago

My eyes are not blue

But mine won’t leave you

‘Til the sunlight has touched your face.”

It’s an incredibly beautiful, heart-wrenching song. Heavy on steel guitar, which I love. I recommend you listen to it. Jessi’s voice is the best. Here’s the link.

JESSI COLTER- I’M NOT LISA – Bing video

Jessi is 79 now.

Matt and Cheryl Matthes, Mt. Vernon, Ohio, wedding June 2021