Tammy LaGorce – On Life and Love after 50

Senior dating success stories

On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter – October 1, 2021

by Tom Blake

Senior Success Stories and other comments

Champ George, San Francisco, emailed: “Today – September 27, 2021 – Mareah and I met 14 years ago at Celia’s by-the-beach Mexican restaurant and cantina on Judah Street, Sunset District, San Francisco, so that’s 14 years ago. Our romance matured into a forever friendship…! I’m 81; she’s 62.”

Tom’s comment: George was a newsletter subscriber long before he met Mareah. Their relationship shows that an age difference doesn’t necessarily matter in a relationship.

The picture was provided by George of he and Mareah on a Princess cruise which was an 80^th birthday present from Mareah to him.

Remember Ginny and Harry from our April 27 eNewsletter? She’s 80; he’s 87. They knew each other as kids. He was married 59 years and then widowed. They re-met at a PA Senior Center in a room where men shot pool. She volunteered at the center. He asked her out but made it clear to her that he wanted neither wanted to remarry or even no live together, just someone to pal around with. That was eight years ago.

This May, Ginny emailed that Harry had changed his mind. He decided he wanted to get married this November. And then, a month later, Ginny emailed an update: Harry changed his mind again. They’d be married in September.
One of our Champs, Tammy Lagorce, a NY Times “Weddings columnist,” became interested in Ginny’s and Harry’s story. Tammy asked me for permission to contact Ginny.

Ginny emailed this week. “Well, we did it (got married). It was a lovely day. It was so nice to meet Weddings columnist Tammy (Lagorce) and photographer Michelle (both from the NY Times). Our local paper featured our story Sunday. Tammy told us that our story will appear in the NY Times sometime in November.”

Tom’s comment: Kudos to Ginny. She made this event happen by first alerting us to her story with Harry and being cooperative by keeping us and Tammy Lagorce informed. Lesson learned: Regardless of age, never give up. And think about it: one of our Champs married at 80 and her story is being featured in the NY Times.

Diane emailed: “Three years ago after a man broke up with me after 7 1/2 years—because he didn’t think he could spend the rest of his life with me–I was crushed. It turns to have been the best thing that ever happened to me.
“Six months later, I set out to meet Mr. Right. I joined five dating sites and met three men a week at a coffee shop. I met lots of great guys, but Mr. Right was #57. We laugh about it today. I’m 76; my guy is 71.

“I kept notes on all the dates and have great stories to tell. I never met a bad guy and could have had a second date with many but only did with a couple of them. I decided I wasn’t going to settle for less than what I wanted.

“He came along, and we’ve been enjoying life, laughter, travel and so much fun ever since. I kinda made it a challenge and thought the process would make a fun book. That’s what kept me going.

“I made sure the men all lived within 45 minutes and if I had a second date with a man, I Googled him to make sure he was legit. There are some wonderful men out there looking for the right gal. It takes work and can be fun.”
Tom’s comment: Diane’s story also has valuable relationship lessons for older singles. A crushing breakup can be a blessing, although it’s hard to understand and accept at the time it happens.

Diane conducted her search as if she were trying to find the right job or career for herself. To meet the right mate, singles need to cast their net far and wide and put their best foot forward. Be tenacious.

Since Diane kept notes about her dates, and she said it would be a fun (and positive) book, I suggested Diane write a book about her multiple dates. She sounds like she’d put a positive spin on her experience.

In 2009, when I had received from my readers 50 senior dating success stories, I included them in a book titled “How 50 Couples Found Love after 50.” Each couple’s story has valuable lessons learned from how they met. You can read about that book (pictured below) in my online bookstore (link below).

Charles, my Navy roommate aboard the USS Noble, APA 218, during the Viet Nam war, checked in this week. His family founded and has owned the Boardwalk Amusement Park in Santa Cruz, California, since the early 1900s. Charlie and his wife Betty lost their home to the fire north of Santa Cruz last year.

Charles emailed, “The Boardwalk ended the summer strong, but it just about killed everyone because of our lack of getting employees. I, at age 81, was running rides on some big days, which was fun but hard on someone my age.
“Betty and I finally bought a house last month but won’t be able to move in until November 1. It has a small guest house, so you and Greta need to plan a trip this way.”

Tom’s comment: Charlie and I have been friends since 1963. That’s 58 years. Our ship was based in Subic Bay, Philippines Islands, and carried 3,000 battle-ready marines.

If you visit The Boardwalk in Santa Cruz and see an 81-year-old dude helping on the Big Dipper roller coaster or some other ride, introduce yourself and thank him for being a veteran, a Champ, and for contributing to today’s eNewsletter. And tell him his old Navy buddy, “Old T.P,” as he calls me, says hello.

Champ Norm, San Clemente, emailed. “You and I met at your former deli two years ago at a senior Meet and Greet. That night you advised me to immediately latch on to a ‘winner” woman attending, but she had already arranged with another guy to take her home.

“Not a problem. I’ve had several dates, mostly from online dating and that is difficult. Frustrating way to go. But never just the right chemistry. Finally, three months ago, I connected with a genuine, wonderful woman.”

We have a fabulous relationship and so much in common. I’m 87. She’s 77, very active, and smart. And, she has no problem sharing expenses. In fact, she goes overboard. Very loving and has a great sense of humor. We are so busy going and doing.

“I’ve been widowed 3 ½ years, after a 63-year marriage, and she’s been widowed eight years, after a 44-year marriage. We are so happy and it’s a match made in heaven. We both consider ourselves to be very lucky indeed!”

Tom’s comments: Think about this: Norm and his woman-friend have a combined 107 years of marriage experience under their belts. How blessed they are to have found each other. They each know a good thing when they each see it. I’m not suggesting marriage, but if that thought ever arises, I’ll bet “Weddings columnist” Tammy Lagorce would likely reach out to Norm and his woman friend.

Champ Pat emailed: “I can’t believe I’ve been following your writing for 20+ years. I stumbled onto you when I was a young widow at age 50 and am now 72 and still single. I am happy the way I am but do occasionally wish for a mate.
“I moved from the East Coast to the West Coast and met new friends through your suggestion to check out Meetup.com groups. I thank you for that because I had never heard of Meetup before. So glad I did.”

Tom’s comment: Pat, thanks for being a reader for so long. I think I started calling people Champs about 10 years ago. My first newspaper column was July 7, 1994, and appeared in the Dana Point News. It was titled, “Home alone with only the dogs for company.”

Since then, when combining newspaper columns and eNewsletters, the total is now more than 4,200 articles written. I’m blessed and I’ll keep writing as long as Champs keep sending in their information, as so many did this week.

Lat (Living Apart Together) Relationships

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – July 30, 2021
By: Tom Blake – Columnist

Senior dating: Identifying the types of senior living relationships can be confusing

Lately, I’ve been receiving an increasing number of questions from Champs and single seniors regarding the various types of relationship living arrangements they are choosing or considering. The different acronyms can boggle the mind.

The most popular: LAT (living apart together)

In checking my columns-written archives, I first mentioned LAT relationships in eNewsletters during March 2018. The LAT designation was applied to Champs who were in unconventional relationships. Some stated they were committed, loving, intimate relationships, and yet, they lived under separate roofs.

This week, I searched online but couldn’t find any articles– other than ours–that had been published anywhere in the world earlier than 2019 on the LAT relationship topic. Our Champs blazed a trial in senior dating relationship definitions.

In the three and a half years since that 2018 article mention, the single senior living arrangement topic has mushroomed among people who write about senior relationships. And I sure hear more about the topic.

The primary reason why LAT relationships will not become the norm for seniors is financial. Two separate households are more expensive to occupy vs. when two people share expenses under the same roof. For some, a LAT isn’t affordable. And for some, it’s not even a desirable way to live.

For example, Mary Ann emailed: “To me, if a couple doesn’t live together there is no ‘US.’ The pluses appear to be having their own space, privacy, and daily routines. But living this way does not bring them closer and committed enough. I call this a compromised relationship (CR).” I’ve been in a few of those myself.

Champ Mark sent me a link to an online New York Times article dated July 16, 2021, titled, “Older Singles Have Found a New Way to Partner Up: Living Apart,” written by Francine Russo.

In the article, Russo mentions a widow named Linda Randall, who lives in Chicago and was widowed in 2016. Randall is now 81 and has a romantic, intimate, relationship with a widower, age 87, who lives across the alley from her and spends most nights at her apartment.

When the widower asked Randall if he could move in with her, Randall said no because she liked where she lived and felt they were different in how they lived.

Plus, a big factor was that Randall didn’t want to become a full-time caregiver. Living apart but nearby, Randall and the widower remain intimate.
Russo also wrote in the article, “In Europe, the data clearly shows that later-life LAT relationships are on the rise. And Russo quoted a Canadian sociology professor who said, “LAT is now a ‘popular option’ in the United States and Canada.”

Champ Joel, emailed this week: “I saw this term, which was new to me: ‘living celibate together.’ When I entered that as a Google search, a lot of articles showed up.”

I responded to Joel, “So now we have LCT (living celibate together) senior relationships? I don’t want to be in one of those.”
Joel answered, “Nor I, an

LCT doesn’t float my boat either.”

Another Champ, Ginny, whom we wrote about in April, a widow, age 80, has had a seven-year relationship with Harry, 87, a widower. They live three walking minutes apart.

Harry was the guy who didn’t want to remarry (he had been married 59 years). In April, Harry changed his mind and a November wedding was planned.

Now, Ginny says, they are planning to marry in September.

I asked her why they are getting married after seven years.
Ginny said, “I visit Harry nearly every evening. But I return home the same night. Because of our faith, we agreed years ago to abstain from sex unless married. It was difficult. After we marry, instead of coming home each night, I will come home the next morning. We can finally have sex.”

Ginny added, “Still, we will have a LAT marriage.”

“Why the LAT marriage?” I asked.

“We will have a prenup. We both have children and grandchildren. Our money stays separate as do our homes. I like my home. It’s a short walk. Why not?”

Tom’s comment

I love Ginny’s story! Could LAT-M (Living Apart Together Married’ become another senior dating term introduced to the world by our Champs?

I smile at the reason Ginny and Harry are getting married. Intimacy–better late than never–bless them, both. Update on Ginny and Harry: They married in September and a NY Times’ “Wedding columnist” Tammy LaGorce attended and is doing an article on them

There are three primary reasons why these unconventional LAT-type relationships are gaining popularity among seniors:

1. Avoiding being a full-time caregiver (one of the biggest and most often stated reasons)
2. Wanting a companion while keeping one’s home
3. Maintaining independence while enjoying intimacy (perhaps), love, and sharing.
More senior women than men tell me they prefer a LAT relationship.
With these four options, LAT, LCT, CR, and LAT-M, no wonder senior dating is confusing.

Online dating question from Yolanda:“I am a widow of 11 years, looking for dating opportunities. I saw in an eNewsletter that you mentioned Cupid k 2 or Cupid two. Can you guide me to it?”

Tom’s answer to Yolanda: “I think the dating website you are looking for is OK Cupid. Their basic package is free. But there are some upgrades that could be helpful that will cost a small amount.
However, if you are beginning to go online with your dating, please be very careful because there are all kinds of scammers out there who try to take advantage of lonely women. Especially widows. NEVER send money to a stranger. If a person claims to be working overseas, that’s a red flag. Do not reveal your home address.

If you come across someone who might be interesting for you, have a background check done on that person. If he sends pictures, verify that the pictures are his via a Facebook or other account.I can’t stress enough to be leery of people you meet online. That being said, the Internet can be a good place to meet people, just be very aware. If you have doubts, feel free to contact me with details.

We can always post your situation in the eNewsletter and let Champs give you their opinions. I assure you, our Champs will leave no stone unturned–they’ve walked the walk and are a wealth of caring and loving information. Good luck. Keep us posted, Yolanda.