| On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletterFebruary 14, 2025 By Columnist Tom Blake |
Remarry? Take time to think it through Like many of you, I’m busy trying to downsize. My biggest challenge is to get rid of 31 years of writing files, boxed mainly in my garage (the first column was published on July 7, 1994). Back in 1994, the newspaper listed my articles under the Middle Age and Dating category. Now they are under the On Life and Love after 50 category. And what often happens while downsizing in the garage, I come across an article written years ago and ask myself, does the message still apply in 2025? For example, today’s column was first published in the San Clemente Sun Post on August 15, 2009, and was titled Remarry? Take time to think it through. Here is that article in its entirety. “Many older singles tell me they would like to marry again. Widows and widowers in particular remember the wonderful times they had and want to recapture similar feelings. Some rush into marriage in a matter of months after meeting a new love. Eventually, most divorced people get over their bitterness and some decide they like married life better than being single. If you are one of those who want to tie the knot again, and you are in a rush to do so, take a deep breath. (A reminder, this is was written in 2009) In response to last week’s column about Karen, who met a guy on Singlesnet.com, one woman said, “Thank God you did NOT marry this man. I met a guy…4 months engaged…married after knowing him 6 months. He turned out to be a very jealous, controlling, verbally abusive man after 6 years of marriage. “You (Karen) are a free bird to fly away from this dysfunctional person and find a great man who will bring out the best in you and love you unconditionally.” However, still seeking the taste of marriage, Karen has reconnected with her ex-husband, but promises she is ‘going slow.’ In another case that took place in Oakmont, a Santa Rosa, California retirement community, where single men are rare, a widow accepted a widower’s proposal to marry after five months of dating, fearing that if she didn’t accept, he’d move on to the next widow. (That’s known as settling) She moved in with him. He was a cantankerous old man and from the get-go she had that sinking feeling in her stomach that she’d made a mistake. He ordered new carpeting. After the carpet was laid and he‘d signed off on it, he decided he didn’t like the color. The carpet store said tough luck. He then cut a piece out of it and blamed the store for the hole. They told him to take an even bigger hike. Shortly thereafter, his new wife, tired of that kind of behavior, moved back to her home, grateful that she had kept it. Of course, divorce followed. In a third situation, a woman met a man online on a religious site. They lived on opposite coasts. She moved to be near where he lived. A few weeks later, they met in person. Within months, they married. A couple of years later she realized he wasn’t ‘as advertised.’ He had little money and didn’t have a job and had become a financial burden on her. They are going through a divorce. Let me say this in defense of marriage later in life. Many work out so I’d be out of line to pooh-pooh all later-in-life marriages. Besides, to do that, I’d be shooting myself in the foot. In my new book, How 50 Couples Found Love After 50, which is being released at the end of this month and is now available to purchase online, 60 percent of the couples featured in the book went on to marry. I’m simply suggesting taking it slow before making a later-in-life marriage decision.” So that was from 2009. And frankly, not much has changed about senior marriage 15 years later. Two months ago, I wrote about Ray and Libby, a couple who knew each other when they were young, and they got reacquainted at Laguna Woods Village, in Orange County, California and what a beautiful marriage they had. My advice remains the same. Take time to think marriage through. I was sharing today’s column with my sister Christine Blake, and she had one piece of advice to add about senior marriage: “Pray it will work.” Good idea Sis! P.S. now in 2025, I still have a limited supply of How 50 Couples Found Love After 50. No tariffs on the book. Deeply discounted. Seven bucks plus shipping. Email me at tompblake@gmail.com and we will negotiate a deal. |
On Life and Love after 50 