Senior dating: Save the last dance for me On Life and Love After 50 eNewsletter May 6, 2022 by Tom P. Blake (Today’s eNewsletter has been edited for clarity, grammar, and wordiness) Champs responded to last week’s “Big Yellow Taxi” eNewsletter which featured a widow living in Illinois who had met a widower in California at their high school reunion. She called herself a vaycay girl and wondered if she is wasting her time with him. Jackie, also a widow, emailed: “I try not to make my life about having to find someone, but at age 74, IF I had another love story like meeting Randy at my 50th reunion, and subsequently marrying him, that would be nice, but I’m trying to be content—one day at a time. I am enjoying the journey and doing what I like to do, including attending my grandchildren’s activities.” Tom’s comment: We’ve said it before. Attending school reunions can improve one’s chances for finding love in our senior years. After all, the people who meet at reunions share a common past and experiences from years before. D, emailed: “In my opinion, the Yellow Taxi ‘vaycay’ gal is very lucky. Who in their right mind would leave California for Illinois when everything that person has is in California? (For the man, children, grandchildren, and mother live near him in California). “That guy’s life, happiness, and stability are also his survival and how to make it after the loss of his wife. He was described as a nice guy, and he is making an attempt at a relationship. The Yellow Taxi gal doesn’t seem to appreciate what she has, not to mention a visit by him after he recovers from his knee surgery. “She is lucky but is complaining like a spoiled brat.” Our Champs often comment about the oldies songs that I sometimes link to at the end of my eNewsletters. Last week’s song, Big Yellow Taxi, inspired the mention of another song from a Champ. Champ Wayne emailed a tidbit about a song that he felt illustrates how a songwriter’s personal adversity didn’t stop him from co-writing and making famous a 1960 classic song. Wayne wrote, “The Drifters recorded “Save the Last Dance for Me” in 1960 and it became a great hit. “The songwriter, Doc Pomus, suffered from polio when he was a kid and was crippled. However, he sometimes used crutches to get around. “During an interview on Elvis Costello’s show “Spectacle,” Lou Reed, who worked with Pomus, said the song was written on the day of Pomus’ wedding while the groom who used a wheelchair watched his bride dancing with their guests.” Tom’s comment: I went online and verified that Pomus co-wrote that song with Mort Shuman and the details Wayne provided in the paragraph above are true. Wayne continued: “Pomus’ wife, Willi Burke, was a Broadway actress and dancer. The song gives Pomus’ perspective of telling his wife to have fun dancing but reminds her who will be taking her home and ‘in whose arms you’re gonna be.’ “Hence, the song. True story and very touching! That’s how this wonderful song was written!” With Ben E. King on lead vocal, the Drifters made the song a number one hit, and it was later recorded by multiple artists, including Anne Murray. I agree with Wayne that the song reminds us that opportunity often arises from adversity. Through dedication, hard work, and never giving up hope, we can make positive contributions to life and the world. Here’s the link to the Drifters singing, “Save the last dance for me.” |
Tag: Big Yellow Taxi
Senior dating. Big Yellow Taxi
Tom Blake Picket Fence Media
On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – April 29, 2022
Senior dating, wasting her time? Big Yellow Taxi
Last week, I received an email with this subject line: “Both widowed, he is living an amazing life.” The email had been sent from a link on my website. I did not recognize the sender’s name or email address.
The message read: “Dating a high school friend. We really connect. We are both widowed. I have kids…they are fairly independent. He is an amazing father of three daughters ages 45 to 51 and has seven grandchildren and a 96-year-old mom living near him.
“We love each other…I think. But we are in a long-distance relationship. He is in California; I am in Illinois. He texts me his day-to-day happenings and we talk on the phone every 10 days. It’s been four and a half months since we’ve been together.
“He had a knee replacement and is recovering well. He seems all on board and his daughters seem receptive of me. But I am afar. I feel like a vaycay gal.
“Where do I fit? Am I wasting the time I have left? What do you think?”
I felt it was not my place to advise her about senior dating, wasting her time or not. I’m a columnist, not a relationship counselor. Besides, she didn’t provide enough information to give her an intelligent answer. I get questions like this often from single seniors. In responding to a situation like this, it’s best for me to ask questions which might nudge her to answer her own question.
I emailed her back. For openers, I asked, “What is a vaycay gal?” Followed by:
“How often have you been together in person?
“Did you re-meet at a reunion?
“What do you want? To move to California or him to Illinois? Who would relocate?
She responded: “A vacay gal is when you are in a long-distance relationship, but you only take vacations together. I knew him in high school. We are both 72 and widowed. We reunited at our last reunion in 2018.
“A year ago, we started emailing, texting and talking. He visited me in Illinois for a week last October. I visited him in California at the end of December. We really hit it off. We would have visited again but he had knee replacement surgery March 8. He is doing well and will visit me May 15 for three weeks. Plus, we have a trip planned to Hawaii in September.”
And then she added: “I doubt he would move because his three daughters, seven grandkids and mother live in the same California town.
“I want a partner in life and a loving relationship.”
I responded to her: “Wasting your time? Heck, I think you’ve got a good thing going. What do you expect him to do?”
“You didn’t answer the relocate question: “Would you be willing to move to California and would he want that?”
We’ll see what she says. Her emails remind me of a 1972 song by Joni Mitchell called “Big Yellow Taxi.” More specifically, this stanza.
“Late last night, I heard the screen door slam
And a big yellow taxi took away my old man
Don’t it always seem to go
That you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone?”
The final sentence “Don’t it always seem to go. That you don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone?” is repeated five times in the song.
Maybe, she’ll realize she’s got a good thing before the big yellow taxi takes him away.
On Life and Love after 50 