How often should a senior couple see each other when they don’t live together?
On Love and Life After 50 eNewsletter
December 29, 2022
By Senior Dating Columnist Tom Blake
(Note from Tom: The name below has been changed to Joyce by request)
Champ Joyce, 74, emailed this week, “I have been reading your articles for years. Partly because of your encouragement, I recently found love in my 70s on Match.com.
“For seniors, It is hit or miss with online dating sites. I was on and off different sites for 10 years. In the past, I even answered newspaper ads. A long time ago, I met a man on Quest (telephone only no pictures before the internet). That relationship lasted 10 years.
“Recently, I was only on the free Match (2 matches a day for a month). I saw an ad for a man aged 68, six-years younger, living in the town next to where I live. He mentioned that he didn’t drink, which is important to me.
“I contacted him, and we met for coffee and hit it off right away. What I did differently this time was having pictures taken at JC Penney’s, so when a guy asked me how recent my pictures were, I could honestly say, ‘They are current.’
“We’ve been together for four months. He is the kindest man I’ve ever met. For Christmas, he gave me a 55″ smart TV with a beautiful stand. He also gave me emerald and diamond earrings. For my birthday in October, he gave me a diamond-chip necklace. I thought the expensive gifts meant the relationship was getting stronger.
“However, there’s been a slight change. He was at my house this evening, putting up the TV. Imagine my surprise when he said he’d be more comfortable if we would only see each other twice a week, sometimes three times a week.
“The only time he ever lived with a woman was when he was married and that was a long time ago. He’s lived alone in his house for 22 years. I guess he’s a loner and interested in a senior part-time girlfriend. If something seems too good to be true, sometimes it is.
I’m going to still see him because I’d rather be with someone kind and generous part-time than the unknown. I wanted to share this with you.
Tom’s comment: I wrote back to Joyce: “I like your attitude, enthusiasm, and wisdom. I agree with your staying with him. And who knows? As he realizes how even more wonderful you are, he may say ‘Three days a week, and occasionally four days.’ He obviously cares, he wouldn’t have given you those incredible gifts.
Many seniors want alone time and cherish their independence. They don’t want to live under the same roof. However, most would like to be in a committed relationship and see each other 3-4 times a week. There is nothing wrong with that
“Senior love is challenging, sometimes difficult, and different when compared to earlier years. All of us bring some baggage into a new relationship. For example, ex-spouses could be still lingering, or kids or grandkids could present challenges. Or, we may have health issues.
Most of us—not all–don’t want to get married again (some have never married). Most want to stay in our own homes if we are blessed enough to own one. LAT (Living Apart Together) relationships are becoming more and more common among seniors.
We don’t need to be together 24/7 as most seniors cherish their independence, but not so much that it damages their relationship. We don’t want drama. However, we demand an exclusive relationship.
Most seniors love hugs. One thing almost all of us crave is having a warm, affectionate, caring, understanding, communicative, and huggable mate. We want and need companionship.
I think Joyce has that with her younger man. She should Let It Be, as the Beatles sang in 1970. She’ll just have to roll with the flow and keep a bit of an eye on how the relationship is progressing. If warning signs surface, then she may have some tough decisions to make.
Link to Let it Be
On Life and Love after 50 