An Evening with Rosanne Cash

                          On Life and Love after 50 e-Newsletter –  February 8, 2019

by Columnist Tom Blake

There are two parts to today’s e-Newsletter

Part 1 –  An Evening With Rosanne Cash

Seniors often ask for suggestions on where to go when they’d like a little variety in their routines. For our southern California Champs, I can now recommend the magnificent Chapman University MUSCO Center for the Arts, in Orange, California. Most Champs in other parts of the country have similar venues they can visit.

Greta and I had a senior date night there last Saturday (February 2). It was to see Rosanne Cash in concert. Why Rosanne?

When I first met Rosanne Cash, the oldest daughter of Johnny Cash, she was 21. I was the Director of Marketing for Victoria Station restaurant chain, that specialized in prime rib; most of our restaurants were constructed of boxcars and cabooses.

Victoria Station had hired Johnny to sing train-themed radio commercials and it was my job to work with him to ensure the company’s association with him went well.

In January, 1976, I attended a TV taping of a country music show at the NBC studios in Burbank, California, that featured Rosanne’s dad Johnny, John Denver, Glen Campbell, Roger Miller and Mary Kay Place.

At that five-hour taping, Rosanne and I sat together in the front row; we became friends and have remained in contact—albeit sporadically–since then.

I’ve watched in admiration as she has matured into an incredible, prolific, composer and musician. I’ve observed her emerge from under her famous father’s coattails, and, become established on her own merit.

Her music isn’t solely country, it’s called Americana, which includes pop, rock, blues and folk. Rosanne’s career took off with a 1981 title track song and album called “Seven Year Ache.” She has released 15 albums.

In 2015, she won three Grammy awards for best Americana album, “The River & the Thread.”

Rosanne has had 11 songs that reached number one on the country music charts. She has published four books, her most noteworthy, a 2010 memoir, titled, “Composed.”

Last Saturday, February 2, Greta and I attended an evening concert at the magnificent Chapman University, MUSCO Center for the Arts, where Rosanne and her husband, John Leventhal, performed as a duet. She said the MUSCO has the finest acoustics of any venue in which she’s performed in California.

A guy in the audience yelled out, “That’s what Vince Gill said.” She smiled and said, tongue-in-cheek, “Vince is always copying me.” That brought a big laugh from the audience.

Rosanne sang a breathtaking version of the 1967 Bobbie Gentry song, “Ode to Billie Joe, from Rosanne’s “The River & the Thread,” album, and a hauntingly beautiful rendition of “The Long Black Veil,” from The List album, which was based on a hand-written list of 100 greatest American songs her dad gave her when she was 18. She mentioned she still has that list.

She featured songs from her just-released album, “She Remembers Everything,” saying with emotion in her voice, “This is a deeply personal collection of songs for me.”

At the end of the two-hour concert, after playing Seven Year Ache (see link below), Cash and Leventhal received a two-minute standing ovation.

After the second encore song, “Tennessee Flattop Box,” Greta and I went backstage and were able to spend a few minutes talking with her.

When she noticed us, I held up a copy of my 2006 memoir, Boxcars and Prime Rib. Whatever Happened to Victoria Station? and said, “Remember this?”


 Front Cover: Prime Rib & Boxcars. Whatever Happened to Victoria Station?

“How could I forget?” Rosanne said, “That’s you and Dad on the cover. Didn’t I endorse the back cover?”

I showed her the back cover with her quote.

Back cover of Tom’s book with endorsement by Rosanne Cash (and Bill Walsh and Lynn Swann)

In a bit of an unusual twist, I had her sign the inside front cover of my book, which she did, writing, “To Tom and Greta, with love, Rosanne Cash.”

She said, “I remember you posted the book and my dad’s radio commercials on your Victoria Station ( http://www.VicSta.com ) website.”

I said, “Yup. When you click on the link, after about 5 seconds, you hear Johnny singing our commercials. He sounds as good as ever.”  Note from Tom: If you want to hear Johnny singing the commercials, avoid using the Google Chrome browser (a recent update by them muted the sound). Any other browser works well such as Microsoft Edge.)

I told Rosanne how proud I am of her, and how amazingly talented she’s become. She seemed to appreciate those words, from a friend of her dad’s, whom she’s known for 43 years.


Greta, Rosanne Cash, and Tom on February 2, 2019

It was a special “date-night-out” evening for Greta and me.

Link to Rosanne Cash singing Seven Year Ache:

https://www.bing.com/search?q=seven+year+ache+rosanne+cash&form=PRUSEN&mkt=en-us&httpsmsn=1&refig=69cf1a945b3a4dae9bd3d3b3e7f1368a&sp=2&qs=LS&pq=seven+year+ache&sk=LS1&sc=8-15&cvid=69cf1a945b3a4dae9bd3d3b3e7f1368a

This article appeared in the San Clemente Times Newspaper on February 14, 2019 and the Dana Point Times on February 22, 2019

San Clemente Times newspaper

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Dana Point Times article on Rosanne Cash

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                             Part 2 – New Facebook Page: “Tom Blake Publishing.”

Some Champs have said they’d like to read the e-Newsletter on Facebook so they can comment and interact with other Champs. So, I’ve created a new page just for that purpose. Hopefully, today’s e-Newsletter will be the first one posted. The Facebook page is titled “Tom Blake Publishing.” When you get a chance, check it out. This is not a closed page, anyone can post comments (at least for now) but not post photos. We will see how it goes.

Declutter. Readers respond to last week’s e-Newsletter

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – February 1, 2019

by Columnist Tom Blake

There are three parts to today’s newsletter. It’s a little long, especially part One. But it turned out to be a big topic for lots of us

Part One – Champ responses to the declutter article last week

Carole, Nevada, emailed, “Don’t get a storage unit, just throw it away! My partner Steve had to go thru all this when his wife passed away. She had 400 boxes of books, 3 full sets of China and lots of crystal from Germany—much of it he couldn’t even donate!

“Just get rid of it, donate, whatever! He had storage units ($$) for way too long! He learned the hard way! We still have too much stuff but, it’s not as bad as it was!”

Tom’s response: Carole’s comment reminds me of George Straight’s catchy song, “Give It Away.” (Link to the song at end of today’s e-Newsletter)

Suzanne, Seal Beach, Ca., “I am in the same process you describe. I’m 72 and, after 45 years, still living in the same home that my late husband and I bought as our first home. Our three children have flown the coop and live on the east coast or in northern CA. It’s time for me to clear out and release all the stored ‘things’ that I no longer need or want and consider moving to a simpler abode.

“I’ve taken lots to Goodwill and the more precious and valuable items have been donated to a local charity for their silent auction. It’s hard to step out of the phase of life in which I did it all, gainful employment, frequent entertaining, running a household, etc., to now admitting that I don’t want to take care of all of this anymore.

“Taped to my mirror is this quote by Nathaniel Hawthorne, “Happiness is not found in things you possess, but in what you have the courage to release.”

Pat, Orange, CA, “Last March I started sorting, packing and staging my 3,400 sq. ft house. It is a very challenging chore but for me there is no choice since I have no children, no relatives to do this after I am gone. It is also how I hurt my back…a tri-level home to clean out is a big job and taking boxes down from the third level to store in the garage was very hard on an already challenged back.

“Once I downsize, after the house sells I will have more sorting and packing to do but at least then I won’t have to take the boxes downstairs…I can leave them in the rooms where they are and once all is done I can hire some students to help me load my SUV and take to my new home (at least to the garage there)…the big pieces I will be taking will be done by professional movers…all else will be left for an estate sale!”

Victoria, “When my mother died, thank God my late husband was still around to help me through the mess! She lived over 2,500 miles away, so we took a week to go to her property and pick out the things we wanted to keep. She had recently moved into that house, so thankfully a lot of stuff had already been sorted and discarded.

“But the house was still a 4-bedroom and she was the only person living in it. The reason for having 4 bedrooms?  She needed them to hold all her stuff! (Can you imagine what it would have been like before she began decluttering?)

“I hired an estate sale company. This is the best discovery ever! They go in and clear out EVERYTHING. You get the profits from the garage sale minus their commission (usually around 30%) and costs.  Sure, you could try and sell the stuff yourself, but who has the time and energy for that? That’s why stuff accumulates in the first place.

“Having this experience under my belt, I was faced with a similar situation after my husband died and I sold our huge house a few years later. Again, I packed everything I wanted to move to my new (much smaller) condo and turned the remainder over to an estate sale person. SO much easier than having to deal with it myself.

“My mother (wrongly) assumed I would just take her entire belongings when she died. Kids are usually not interested in the bulk of their parents’ things. The furniture is usually not the more modern style they are looking for and probably too big to fit in most new homes.”

Chris A, San Clemente, Ca., “Boy, did you hit a nerve for me with last week’s declutter e-Newsletter. I just got back from England. This past year, my wife Tina decided—because she spends so much time in England, that she would downsize by selling her 4-bedroom, 4-bathroom home, and buy a much smaller condo.

“She put her house on the market in November, thinking it would probably sell some time after the first of the year. She had a buyer in two weeks. I had planned to go to England December 16 for our previously scheduled trip to South Africa over the holidays. Suddenly, everything changed; Tina went into a mild panic. I changed my flight, and went to England November 16 to help her to start packing and to get rid of 60 years of STUFF.

“Things went from bad to worse. The couple who were buying Tina’s house, ran into problems with the people buying their house. In real estate this is called a chain sale. For two weeks, the phone wouldn’t stop ringing.

“All the solitaires (lawyers) talking to each other, but nothing happening. Now we are heading to South Africa. The morning we are leaving, Tina gets a call telling her to come in and sign the papers. We are thinking that when we get back home in two weeks, all the papers will have been signed, and we can start moving. Wrong. Nothing had been done because of more problems.

“In the meantime, Tina’s moving company wants to know when they can come, and start packing. Of course, while this is all going on, we are packing whatever we can, and getting rid of whatever Tina is willing to give up. On a Monday, we get the call that all the papers have been signed, and everyone is moving on Wednesday.

“Of course, I am due to leave on Thursday, but knowing I can’t leave Tina with this mess, I change my flight by one week. The move takes place on Wednesday, and Tina’s new home is buried in boxes and furniture, that she couldn’t get rid of. Yes, a major downsize. There was no place to sit or lay down. You couldn’t even walk from one room to the next. Forget trying to make a meal, finding a place to eat, or going to bed.

“We spent the first night at her daughter’s house and the next week unpacking boxes and making trips to the Tip (dump) and the charity shop. I was up every morning at 7 a.m. getting rid of STUFF. By 10 at night, when I dropped my 85-year-old body in bed, I was like a wet rag.

“By the end of the week, when I was ready to fly to the States, the place looked reasonably livable. When I got on the plane, I felt like one big toothache. I hurt from my neck to my knees. Tina never got rid of anything over the last 60 years. You are right Tom, better now than never.”

Bruce, antique store owner, Ohio, “You are very fortunate that the kids came to assist and take things, most younger folks today just do not desire much of what we accumulated over the years and there truly is no market for most of it.

“I cannot tell you how many people we get in here (antique shop) trying to sell their stuff, and you should also be aware that there is a business model that has arisen over the last ten years or so just to help seniors declutter—they are called “senior move managers” and they specialize in household downsizing and estate dispersal. I am certified as one; they are all over the country.”

Decluttering is a blessing in disguise
Declutter items in garage ready to be hauled away

Thyrza, “Decluttering is a mental and emotional task, but you and Greta did it. Kudos to her kids, grands and great grands who helped.”

Henry, “Tom, why are your saving boxes and boxes of books? It’s costing you money for the storage that you will never recover.

Tom’s answer to Henry: “These are my printed, new books. Yes, it’s costing money to store them, but it’s only a temporary situation, as they will be sold. Greta and I hope to be rid of the self-storage units by summer (at least one of them).

Part 2 – “Love and BIG HUGS” from Champs Terry and Daeng, a couple since 2006, who live in northern Thailand, three miles from the Myanmar (Burma) border.

In response to the book offer two weeks ago, Terry sent an email with the subject line: “Love and BIG HUGS,” which caught my attention, as I thought love and big hugs are what most Champs enjoy. The email contained two photos. The first photo was of Terry and an elephant:


                 “Love and BIG HUGS” – Champ Terry with big hugger

The second photo was of Daeng and Terry, with a tiger:


Terry’s caption: Two tigers and me

Terry and Daeng are humanitarians; they help the local children, who are opium orphans (children who’ve lost their parents to the disease of opium addiction).

Terry wrote, “We live in the ‘Golden Triangle,’ which is still the 2nd highest producer of illegal opium. Afghanistan is 1st now.”

However, the most surprising thing about their email was it contained an order for 24 of my books.

Terry added, “I am sending six friends all four of your books each for their collections. Autographed books are always wonderful as gifts. The price, four books for $25 including shipping, of your well-written and autographed books is wonderful, also.”

I’ve never had an order for that many books at one time except from Amazon.com.

By the way, the book offer still stands. Email me if you have questions.

Part 3 – Dating News.com, a helpful website for singles who would like to meet a mate 

I was contacted three weeks ago by the dating editor of a website called DatingNews.com. She wanted to interview me to include my story under the “movers and shakers” section of the Dating News website.

I looked at the site and said, “Wow, I need to alert Champs to this site. It has lots of valuable information. You can be added to their mailing list at no cost. Here’s the link to the story they posted two days ago:

Dating News Tom Blake article

Almost forgot: the promised link to George Straight’s “Give It Away” song It’s was his 41st song to reach number one on the country music charts.
(you can click on “Skip the Ad)

George Straight song Give It Away

 

5 Incredible Men Champs

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – January 4, 2019
by Columnist Tom Blake
Our Incredible Men Champs
For our first “On Life and Love After 50” e-Newsletter of 2019, we feature five of our men Champs. 
David Southworth lives five miles north of Clare, Michigan, has been a Champ for more than 10 years. He emailed:

“For me, this Christmas was the best Christmas in 17 years. However, one of my Christmas gifts was delivered by my new Internal doctor and I quote, “The results of your blood test tells me you have Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL), albeit minor, early stages. CLL usually grows slowly…you should outgrow it.

“I advised the doctor I had been planning to live to 103. God and I have taken charge.

“In October, I started story boarding a book I have wanted to write for several years, tied into my book, “A Lifetime In Seven Years.” The title of my new book is “A Journey To Me.”

“Now I have several new chapters to write for my book.

“I cherish our friendship and your endless counsel. Let’s make 2019 the best year possible.”

Tom’s Comment: I asked David for permission to use his very personal information. He responded:

“I talked with my children, several grandchildren and, my significant lady. They all agreed if it would provide a more meaningful impact to use my name, we all agreed the information and subject of CLL is so important.

“If it helps just one ‘On Love and Love after 50’ eNewsletter Champ, it would be OK to provide the CLL process, progress, and treatment status.

“I met Marjorie through friends. She is 70 years old, widowed with 4 children, lots of grandchildren. She is a thoughtful, giving, loving woman. She is an antique nut like me. She is always happy and laughing.”

Note from Tom: Dave’s poem, The Sands of Time, is on the Finding Love After 50 website:

https://www.findingloveafter50.com/widower-poem-by-david-southworth

Larry Leach, Ann Arbor, Michigan – Larry and I graduated from Jackson High School,

Jackson, Michigan. He graduated two years ahead of me, in my brother’s class. I didn’t know him well, other than he was a heck of a golfer. Later, he won a varsity letter at UM for golf. He is one of the most avid University of Michigan sports fans on earth.

Here is a photo of Tom, Larry and Greta at a Michigan tailgate party in 2017.


Tom, Larry Leach, and Greta at a UM tailgate party before Air Force Academy game in 2017 

Larry emailed: “My hat is off to Champs, Chris and Tina, whom you mentioned last week, for their trip to Africa. With love all things are possible.

“I have three friends who are about 94.  One goes to UM basketball and football games and acts like an 18-year-old.  Another has been to Paris, Las Vegas, Chicago and much more this year. The third is a real live-wire now in Scottsdale, Arizona.  If they can do it, the two champs (Chris and Tina) you mentioned have many more trips in store for them.

“Congratulations to them and to you for your super thinking that goes into your weekly newsletter. I know it is Friday morning when I see an email from Tom Blake.”

MARK FLANNERY – Fullerton, California

You will recall that three weeks ago Greta and I visited Mark’s parents’ grave sites in Pago Pago, American Samoa. He had never been to the cemetery, and I had only met Mark and Donna, his significant other, once in Tutor and Spunky’s deli years ago.

On New Year’s Eve. Mark and Donna, came to Dana Point and spent time with Greta and me. They met on Match.com. Donna still teaches.


Front: Mark and Donna. Back: Tom and Greta at Harpoon Henry’s in Dana Point on New Year’s Eve

There was one other aspect of our American Samoa story that I hadn’t shared with Mark. When Greta and I arrived at the grave sites, there was a lava rock perched on his father’s grave. I carried it back from Pago Pago and gave it to him Monday.

TED EVERINGHAM, Attorney at law, Grosse Point Park, Michigan

Note from Tom: Ted and I graduated from Jackson High School, Jackson, Michigan, in the class of 1957. At our 2017 class reunion, we got to chat face-to-face at dinner.

Ted emailed a story titled: A CHRISTMAS MEMORY:

“My Christmas Eve was cold and snowy in 1960. It was a Saturday evening, and I was working at the local radio station in Albion, Michigan, reading top-of-the-hour newscasts and running the control board for Late Date, a popular weekly radio show targeting teenage listeners.

“The program ran from 10 p.m. until Midnight. The show’s host—a senior at the high school in nearby Marshall named Marcia, chose to close her program that Christmas Eve with a bit of verse. It didn’t rise to the dignity of a ‘poem,’ but it expressed in rhyme an important idea, in simple, homespun language appropriate to the time and place.

“I heard the first line or two through my headset, and then for a reason that I have forgotten (if I ever knew), I turned to look at the host through the glass that separated the control room from the studio where she sat. I discovered, to my surprise, that she was not reading the verse, but reciting it from memory, and she was speaking directly to me through that glass.

“Here is her Christmas wish to me that long-ago evening:

If I could do whate’er I want to do,
To make complete your gladsome Christmas Day,
I would not bring a single thing to you,
But I would come and take some things away:
I’d take away all trouble from your heart,
Each pain and sorrow I would have relieved;
And every pain that caused a single smart,
And every hour through which you sorely grieved.
I’d have them all be gone — forever gone —
Forgotten, like the things that cannot be;
And then each hour would be a joyful one,
For only good things would be left you see.
“Eight months later, the host and I were married, and the rest (59 years) is history. Merry Christmas!”Note from Tom: Ted and Marcia wanted Champs to know that her words to Ted on Christmas Eve 1960 were not written by her. She had seen them and memorized them. Research by them has not revealed the original writer. So, we have to say anonymous. This fact does not lessen the beauty of that moment when Marcia spoke to him through the glass at an Albion, Michigan, radio station in 1960.

John Johnson – Hagerstown, Maryland (80 miles northwest of Washington, D.C.). John commutes about an hour toward Baltimore and works for Northrop Grumman; he has been a Champ for longer than I can remember and has contributed often to newsletters.

On December 23, John posted a wonderful message on the Finding Love After 50 Facebook page. It is too long to include in the newsletter, but the topic is: dragging old baggage into a new, fresh relationship. His words demonstrate that the men in our group are very introspective, warm and giving.

His wrap-up words: “How 2019 plays out is up to you and this is a chance for a new transition within you even when everything else remains the same. Make it a good one and start with an inner smile that flows to your lips to share with others.”

Happy New Year. I feel blessed to have you all as friends.

Widow guilt. Dating a deceased friend’s husband

On Life and Love after 50 e-Newsletter – November 16, 2018

by Columnist Tom Blake

Should this widow feel guilty about dating a deceased friend’s husband?

Champ Donna, a widow since 2011, emailed, “My friend passed away from cancer two years ago. Her husband is the man I am talking to now. We live in two different Eastern states, not too far from each other. We are both in our early 60’s, and at the end of this year, we are retiring.

I didn’t know him at all. I have seen him three times in the past 30 years for about 10 minutes just to say hi.

My friend said that she and he never got along over 25 years of marriage. She told me some things about him, but I never commented or added anything that was negative because I did not know him.

I would always try to fix things with my feedback about whatever was going​ on, as to how she felt about him. My friend–rest her soul–was very opinionated, controlling and bossy with her husband and the children, which I witnessed one of the three times I saw him. ​It got to a point when my friend and I talked over the phone, we never talked about him.

We talked three times​ a year, but I was the one that would call, until​ that one day she called me to tell me she had cancer. By this time, she and he had been separated​ for 10 years.​ Now she is gone…their​ children are grown and on their own, and are not close to him, because of her.

He and I have been talking over the phone for two years. We have become​ good friends and have a lot in common​. I would like to see him, but I have guilt​ that he was my friend’s​ husband, hanging​ over my head.

Now, we are just friends. ​But what I am feeling​ guilty​ ​about is…if we do start​ seeing each, how would his grown children feel about us being​ together?

His marriage and family life were​ calmly dysfunctional​…if you can picture that. We are both reluctant​, but I know we will see each other soon. We are not getting any younger.

We are both​ healthy​​ and able to still have fun before we die​, so why not? BUT THE WIDOW GUILT?”

My response to Donna: “Ditch the guilt. Your friend had been separated for 10 years. They had a miserable marriage. Why worry about his children? You say he is not close to them.

If you enjoy each other, go for it, now! Live in the present.

Have you been together in person at all? Do that. You might find you want to be together or you may find you don’t.

You weren’t that good of a friend of hers-talking to each other only three times a year.

One concern: if the family is dysfunctional, do you want to get involved in that?

Wait no longer.”

Senior travel articles should make you happy

On Life and Love after 50 e-Newsletter  – November 9, 2018

by Columnist Tom Blake

My partner Greta and I are on an 82-day Grand Asia & Pacific Cruise. We have just completed 40 days and tomorrow, November 10, we will visit Singapore for two days.

This week, I received this email from a woman Champ, one of my e-Newsletter readers. I did not edit it, this is the way it came in:

She wrote: “Sounds like a trip of a life time, but Tom did you ever think that maybe these wonderful trips that you take and share with us maybe is a depressed feeling for those who cannot take these trips! for many reasons, one for lack of money or health problems, lacking a partner to go with, I know it makes me a little down at times, just a thought for you.”

My response: I appreciate you taking your time to express your thoughts. I am very aware there may be other Champs who feel as you do.

In the first newsletter about this trip, even before we left Los Angeles on September 30, I wrote: “Greta and I are truly blessed in our retirement, to be able to physically and financially afford to travel to distant lands. We do not take that for granted. We realize there will come a day when we can’t. And we also realize that not all seniors can take a trip like this.”

When I blog or write about travels, many Champs and newspaper readers tell me they enjoy traveling with us vicariously. Nearly all say they want to hear about the trips.

The last thing in the world I want to do is make people feel depressed by my writing.

Greta and I worked very hard to be able to travel. She was a special education teacher for 31 years who raised four children as a single mom. I worked until I was 75. So, we feel we earned the right to travel as we do.

And, I just happen to be a journalist. I write for nine newspapers and every week I publish an e-Newsletter at no cost to my Champs. For years, the newsletter was titled “Finding Love After 50” and I charged for it.

Several years ago, I made the decision that I wanted to write about more than just finding love later in life. I wanted to write about whatever I felt I could do a good job on. So, I changed the name to “On Life and Love after 50.”

And when I travel, I can do a good job writing about it because I am personally experiencing it. I think Greta and I represent people in their mid-to-late 70s well, by setting an example of discovering these countries on our own, seldom taking organized tours. We walk, sweat, are aware of our surroundings and try to avoid uneven sidewalks and steps, and understand the different currencies in all of these countries. It isn’t always easy, or pretty how we do it, but we’re out there.

I stopped charging for the newsletter so that people wouldn’t feel they were being shortchanged by not receiving what they signed up and paid for. And if they didn’t like what they read, they could simply unsubscribe, or just not read that week’s edition.

I have received so many positive comments about these few travel newsletters that I’m totally surprised—and inspired to keep writing about this 82-day trip. One week I had close to 40 positive responses.

We have reached the half way point on this trip.

Champ Andree emailed this week: “I love hearing all about your travels. Thank you for sharing and please keep sharing. Have a fabulous time wherever your headed in this terrific adventure. Peace and safe travels.”

Greta at San Pedro after getting off the ship
Greta is happy to be home after 82 days of cruising

Journalists can’t always write about what makes people happy. That’s not a realistic view on life. I hope I haven’t depressed too many people with these tales of our experiences. If anything, I’m trying to inspire seniors to get out and experience life as best they can.

One thing I will say. Not taking a trip because you don’t have a partner with whom to travel is no reason why not to go. There are many single women on this ship traveling by themselves. One is 97-years-old. And there are many women who are traveling with women friends. There are single women in walkers, electric scooters, and using canes. That didn’t stop them; one can only admire their dedication to living life to the fullest, despite their physical challenges.

So, to this woman reader I say this: If I write about a senior dating success story, where two seniors have found happiness together–and you haven’t–should I stop writing about dating successes? Of course not. The same goes for our travels. If you find reading these positive stories makes you depressed, you have a choice: don’t read that week’s issue, or (and I hope you don’t do this), simply stop reading what I write.

I put my heart and soul into my writing, and that’s the way it’s going to be.

Senior cruising: people you meet on board

On Life and Love after 50 e-Newsletter October 12, 2018

Senior Cruising: People you meet on board

by Columnist Tom Blake

My partner Greta and I are on day 13 of an 82-day Grand Asia & Pacific cruise. There are approximately 855 passengers and a crew of 700 the ms Amsterdam, a Holland America Line ship.

I estimate that 70 percent of the passengers are age 60+. Most are retired, some are married or traveling with a significant other. Many are single but traveling with a friend. During the first two weeks, we’ve met many interesting people.

If you ask passengers what they enjoy most about cruising, many will tell you it’s the ports they visit. Our first two ports were Dutch Harbor, Alaska and Petropavlovsk, Russia; there are 30 more to go.

Other passengers will say it’s the amenities: you don’t have to prepare meals, or take the dirty dishes to the sink, or even make your bed, those things are all done for you on a cruise.

But some passengers–Greta and I included–consider a cruise’s highlight to be the people you meet on board.

Greta and I prefer what’s called open-seating at dinner. You dine with different people most every night. You have time to talk to them over dinner and get to learn a bit about them.

Almost always, the first question when meeting new people: “Where are you from?”

The first couple we met were from San Antonio, Texas. They boarded the ship in Seattle, before it came to Los Angeles.

At dinner the second night, we dined with a California couple who live in Camarillo, California, but own onion farms in the vast Central Valley north of Los Angeles. They explained how hard it is to make a living at farming because of the lack of irrigation water coming from the California Delta area.

The man said, “The situation could be fixed by the authorities simply turning the pumps back on.”
A woman named Elena, originally from Romania, now residing in Canada, also was at our table. She explained that her husband was too busy to travel so she was a married woman traveling alone.

On the third day, we met eight new people, four at a small gathering in one of the ship’s lounges: a woman from Dallas, another woman named Barbara from New Orleans, and a married couple from Colorado.

The other four we met at dinner. Two of them said they were traveling together. I guess you could consider them to be a LAT relationship (living apart together) couple.

The man, Clyde, from Gulfport, Mississippi, had worked with Corrine’s husband before the husband had passed away. Corrine lives in Washington, D.C.

At the same table, there was another couple from Mississippi, who had driven four days to Los Angeles to save on airfare. However, they had parked their car for 82 nights in a nearby lot, which cost them $750.00. Plus, they stayed in hotels going to the ship and returning home. Flying might have been cheaper.

A couple of days later, we met another couple living in a LAT relationship. Frank, a former Department of Defense employee, who resides in Macon, Georgia, and Linda, who lives in Victoria, British Columbia. They met by coincidence on a previous cruise. He had purchased a vacation condo in Florida. His realtor had a client who wanted a winter, “snow bird” rental. Frank rented it, came on the cruise, and met Linda.
He was a character with multiple entertaining stories about his top-secret DOD life.

The other two at the table were women in their late 70s who met on a cruise eight years before. One was from Vienna, Austria, and her friend was from Florida. They said they enjoy traveling together.

Greta met a woman named Gillian at a seminar who said she was originally from Liverpool, England. Greta said, “Oh, did you grow up watching the Beatles?”

Gillian said, “No. I’m only 60; the Beatles were before my time.”

Later, I sat next to Gillian and her husband Jim while watching an NFL game on TV in the sports bar. Gillian was wearing a Green Bay Packers jersey.

I said, “Green Bay fan, eh Gillian?”

“Of course,” she said, “We are cheese heads; we live in Wisconsin.”

One morning at breakfast I saw a guy who looked so much like Johnny Cash I about fell over. I worked with and knew Johnny well in the 1970s. The next time I saw him, I introduced myself and told him how much he resembled Johnny. He said his name was Alex and he was honored and suggested we get together for dinner with he and his wife. He grew up in England and his wife in Germany and now they live near Vancouver, British Columbia.

Turns out, Alex and Kirsten were dance instructors on the ship.

Johnny Cash look a like
Alex (Johnny Cash look-a-like)  & Kirsten and Tom and Greta in the dining room of ms Amsterdam

Here is a picture of me, my sister Pam, and Johnny Cash in 1993. Doesn’t Alex look like him? Same height, same facial structure, and same smile.

Johnny Cash with Tom and Tom's sister Pam Peters in 1993
Tom, Johnny Cash, and Tom’s sister, Pam Peters, in 1993.Photo taken in 1993 at Humphrey’s By The Sea in San Diego

Another night, we had dinner with an intriguing couple. The man was 6’ 2” and his wife was 5’ 1”. He was also from a small town in Germany and she was originally from South America. They met while working for the same high-tech company. They now live in Carson City, Nevada.

The other couple eating with us that night were Diane and John from South Carolina, near Charlotte, North Carolina. They are retired and said they’ve taken several world cruises.

A couple of mornings ago at breakfast, a guy wearing a bright red tee-shirt with “Alabama Football” emblazoned across the front asked if he could sit at the table where I was having coffee.

I said, “Of course, but it’s about that tee-shirt you’re wearing.” He laughed and asked who I followed in college football.

“I’m a Wolverine,” I said. He laughed and said, “Poor guy, Michigan just can’t win the big games.” We exchanged friendly football barbs.

At a table near us, we both heard I guy mention Alabama. The guy at my table tapped the other guy on the shoulder and pointed to his tee-shirt.

“Roll Tide,” the other guy said, which is what all proud followers of Alabama football say.

Barbara, the woman from Louisiana we had met at the small cocktail party a few days earlier, sat down at our table next to the swimming pool. She said her son had studied computer programming at LSU and worked for Twitter in Silicon Valley. He had previously worked at Google.

She said she was dumbfounded that her son and his wife had just purchased a fixer-upper home in Mountain View, California, south of San Jose, in the heart of Silicon Valley, for $1.8 million.

She told them they could buy a home in Louisiana for $80,000. “But, it’s an investment, Grandma,” he said. (My partner Greta could relate; he grandson Andre and his wife Lindsay just purchased their first house in Los Angeles for about $1.3 million.

And finally, yesterday at breakfast, we sat with two women who said they were recently widowed. The have known each since they were age 14 and enjoy taking trips together. They are from Norway. One of the women said her son is the President of Holland America Line.

I said, “Wow, I bet you have a nice stateroom.” She laughed and said, “Well, it is on the seventh deck.” (the deck with all of the luxury suites.)

So, you can understand why Greta and I enjoy meeting the other passengers on board the ship. Everybody has a story to tell. And it always amazes us the diversity of areas from which the people come.

Yelling doesn’t help anything

October 5, 2018, aboard the ms Amsterdam in the north Pacific Ocean

Yelling or being yelled at doesn’t help anything

by Columnist Tom Blake

Before leaving on this cruise that my significant other, Greta, and I are currently taking, I read an article titled, “Don’t make excuses for a husband’s yelling.” It was written by Carolyn Hax, an advice columnist using a format similar to Dear Abby, dated September 2, 2018, in the Washington Post.

I could relate to what Ms. Hax wrote. Before I met Greta 20 years ago, I was in a committed relationship–not a marriage–with a woman who yelled at me.

I decided to save the article until I had ample time aboard ship to deal with the topic of dealing with an angry yelling mate.

And then, on September 28, I received even more inspiration to write on the topic when Champ Christine Baumgartner, a knowledgeable relationship coach, with whom most of you are familiar, posted a simple notice on the On Life and Love After 50 Facebook group that read:

“But I love him isn’t a good enough reason to stay with a man who doesn’t treat you with respect.”

So, out here on the Pacific Ocean, as our ship heads toward Dutch Harbor, Alaska, I studied Ms. Hax’s article. A woman had written Hax stating: “My husband is wonderful, supportive, kind…We have been together a long time and love each other dearly.

We do have one recurring issue. When he gets angry, he yells. This is not necessarily at me…But…which is sometimes directed at me—and I cringe at his anger in general.

I came from a home where yelling was the precursor to something worse…So, he yells, I get upset and (often) defensive, we fight.

I feel like he gets so angry, so quickly, over so many things that it makes me reluctant to tell him things that are negative…I know we are both at fault: He needs to control his temper and I need to be less sensitive.”

The woman also wrote that she had considered seeing a marriage counselor, but “it has never gotten that bad.”

Ms. Hax replied to the lady: “Not that bad? You’re not happy with things this way…Please trust your gut.”

Based on my experience with my yelling, former girlfriend, who would slowly get angry and raise the sound level of her voice to screaming level, as if she had an anger accelerator within her body, although I had done absolutely nothing to trigger it, I learned that people must extricate themselves from this type of relationship.

Being yelled at raises one’s stress level and is bad for one’s health. It’s like walking on egg shells. You always wonder when the next outburst is coming. It’s no way to live.

It was hard to end the relationship because I cared, but as stated in Christine’s Facebook post, being disrespected—and being yelled at is just that—isn’t worth the “but I love him” title.

Often, it’s hard to discuss your concerns with the person who yells at you. They simply get angrier and yell or scream more. Couples often seek counseling but that doesn’t always work either.

When my yelling girlfriend and I went to counseling, as we walked from the car to the counselor’s office, she said, “Don’t tell her the truth.” And got angry when I tried to explain that that was why we were there. We never went back.

If you are dealing with a person who yells at you, or you yell at him, confront it, get it fixed, or get out.

Part 2 -Cruise update

We have been at sea for five days, having left Los Angeles Harbor Sunday at 4:30 p.m. There are approximately 1,000 passengers aboard. Finally, on Wednesday, we had some sunshine and blue skies.

Internet is iffy because it’s done via satellite. We usually can access our email accounts, but opening websites like Facebook or CBS Sports is sporadic at best. Probably like most passengers, we’ll try to get in some internet action while ashore in Dutch Harbor.

On Tuesday, we met 12 people–two at lunch, six at a small cocktail party and four at dinner. Two were from San Antonio, Texas, one from Dallas. Three from Mississippi, two from Colorado, two from the Imperial Valley in California, one from Atlanta, and one from New Orleans. 

Everybody has a story. That’s one of the things that makes cruising so interesting. 

Being yelled at doesn’t help anything

October 5, 2018, aboard the ms Amsterdam in the north Pacific Ocean

Being yelled at doesn’t help anything

by Columnist Tom Blake

Before leaving on this cruise that my significant other, Greta, and I are currently taking, I read an article titled, “Don’t make excuses for a husband’s yelling.” It was written by Carolyn Hax, an advice columnist using a format similar to Dear Abby, dated September 2, 2018, in the Washington Post.

I could relate to what Ms. Hax wrote. Before I met Greta 20 years ago, I was in a committed relationship–not a marriage–with a woman who yelled at me.

I decided to save the article until I had ample time aboard ship to deal with the topic of dealing with an angry, yelling mate.

And then, on September 28, I received even more inspiration to write on the topic when Champ Christine Baumgartner, a knowledgeable relationship coach, with whom most of you are familiar, posted a simple notice on the On Life and Love After 50 Facebook group that read:

“But I love him isn’t a good enough reason to stay with a man who doesn’t treat you with respect.”

So, out here on the Pacific Ocean, as our ship heads toward Dutch Harbor, Alaska, I studied Ms. Hax’s article. A woman had written Hax stating: “My husband is wonderful, supportive, kind…We have been together a long time and love each other dearly.

We do have one recurring issue. When he gets angry he yells. This is not necessarily at me…But…which is sometimes directed at me—and I cringe at his anger in general.

I came from a home where yelling was the precursor to something worse…So, he yells, I get upset and (often) defensive, we fight.

I feel like he gets so angry, so quickly, over so many things that it makes me reluctant to tell him things that are negative…I know we are both at fault: He needs to control his temper and I need to be less sensitive.”

The woman also wrote that she had considered seeing a marriage counselor, but “it has never gotten that bad.”

Ms. Hax replied to the lady: “Not that bad? You’re not happy with things this way…Please trust your gut.”

Based on my experience with my yelling, former girlfriend, who would slowly get angry and raise the sound level of her voice to screaming level, as if she had an anger accelerator within her body, although I had done absolutely nothing to trigger it, I learned that people must extricate themselves from this type of relationship.

Being yelled at raises one’s stress level and is bad for one’s health. It’s like walking on egg shells. You always wonder when the next outburst is coming. It’s no way to live.

It was hard to end the relationship because I cared, but as stated in Christine’s Facebook post, being disrespected—and being yelled at is just that—isn’t worth the “but I love him” title.

Often, it’s hard to discuss your concerns with the person who yells at you. They simply get angrier and yell or scream more. Couples often seek counseling but that doesn’t always work either.

When my yelling girlfriend and I went to counseling, as we walked from the car to the counselor’s office, she said, “Don’t tell her the truth.” And got angry when I tried to explain that that was why we were there. We never went back.

If you are dealing with a person who yells at you, or you yell at him, confront it, get it fixed, or get out.

Part 2 -Cruise update

We have been at sea for five days, having left Los Angeles Harbor Sunday at 4:30 p.m. There are approximately 1,000 passengers aboard. Finally, on Wednesday, we had some sunshine and blue skies.

Internet is iffy because it’s done via satellite. We usually can access our email accounts, but opening websites like Facebook or CBS Sports is sporadic at best. Probably like most passengers, we’ll try to get in some internet action while ashore in Dutch Harbor.

On Tuesday, we met 12 people–two at lunch, six at a small cocktail party and four at dinner. Two were from San Antonio, Texas, one from Dallas. Three from Mississippi, two from Colorado, two from the Imperial Valley in California, one from Atlanta, and one from New Orleans. 

Everybody has a story. That’s one of the things that makes cruising so interesting. 

It’s time to go: departing on 82-day cruise

On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter – September 28, 2018

by Columnist Tom Blake

It’s time to go – Senior Travel – taking an 82-day cruise

Reality hit me this week when a Federal Express driver came to the front door of our Dana Point, California, home and picked up two suitcases belonging to my life partner, Greta, and two suitcases belonging to me.

Those four suitcases will be waiting for us in our stateroom when we board the ms Amsterdam, a Holland America Line cruise ship, at the San Pedro (Port of Los Angeles) Cruise Terminal this Sunday. Before the Fed Ex driver arrived, this cruise, which Greta and I signed up for almost a year ago, seemed like a dream far into the future.


Holland America ship Amsterdam (photo courtesy of Holland America Line)

Why the big reality check? We’ve cruised before. Our senior travel philosophy:  travel as often as we can, while we are physically able to do so.

We’ve been on three 30-day cruises and several shorter ones as well, so what’s the big deal? Why is this cruise any different than previous ones we’ve taken?

This cruise is called the Grand Asia & Pacific Cruise. It’s duration: 82 days! That’s two older dudes living together 82 days in a 297 square-feet stateroom. Maybe we could define it as a new type of relationship: a LTICQ (Living Together in Close Quarters).

People say to us: “Are you nuts?” And in the understatement of the year, they also say, “That’s a long time to be together.”

Here’s how it happened: Last October, we were on a Holland America Line cruise around South America. The future cruises director made a presentation to a very captive audience (passengers already on board) about the cruise that now departs in two days (September 30, 2018).

It appealed to us because there was no added expense of flying to get to the departure port or to return home. San Pedro is less than an hour from Dana Point.

For a cruise of 82 days, Holland America dangled quite a few perks to the audience, enticing them to sign up. And we did. Picking up the luggage ahead of time was one of the perks. Paying the tips to the crew was another (a savings of $15 per day).

Greta and I are truly blessed in retirement to be able to travel to distant lands. We do not take that for granted. We realize there will come a day when we can’t. And we also realize that not all people age 50+ can take a trip like this. When I blog or write about travels, many Champs tell me they enjoy traveling with us vicariously by reading about the trips.

As has happened in many of our trips to foreign lands, it seems events occur beforehand that make us think twice about going. In 2004, we were going to Madrid to take a train from the Atocha Train Station to visit other cities in Spain. Ten days before we were to board the train, Spanish separatists bombed Atocha. I asked my newspaper readers if we should cancel.

The overwhelming response: if you cancel, you allow the terrorists to win. We went but traveled by car instead (should have traveled by train, driving in a foreign country is far more dangerous).

Three years ago, we were going to France. The terrorists killed many people in Nice on a boulevard where Greta and I had walked a couple of years before. Again, we decided to go.

Two years ago, same thing happened in Brussels, Belgium. A few days before we left the USA, terrorists attacked there. We were scheduled to be on a train from Dusseldorf to Paris, passing through and stopping in Brussels. Again, we decided to go. And we did ride the train through Brussels.

This year has been no different.

On February 19, a volcano erupted on Mt. Sinabung in Indonesia. And on July 30, a 6.4 earthquake jolted an island in Indonesia. Our ship stops at three different ports in Indonesia, which is prone to quakes as it lies on a 25,000 mile-long, quake-affected area called the Pacific Ring of Fire, where 90 percent of the world’s earthquakes occur.

Our itinerary includes eight stops in Japanese ports. Also, on July 30, typhoon Jonqdari hit Japan, thousands had to be evacuated. Then, on September 5, typhoon Jebi hit Western Japan, including Kobe, where the ship is scheduled to stop.

On September 7, a 7.8 earthquake struck Fiji, where our ship is scheduled to make two stops. Fiji is also on the Pacific Ring of Fire.

And then this also on September 7: another earthquake, 6.7, struck Japan, Hokkaido Island, triggering a massive rescue effort.

So yes, there are things to think about. But, now that the luggage is on its way to the ship, we’re not turning back.

We will be stopping at 33 ports and cities, including Tokyo, Hong Kong, Beijing, Shanghai, Singapore, Cairns, Darwin, Sydney and even a place called Honolulu (on the return). Besides Japan and Indonesia, we will stop in Russia, China, Viet Nam, Australia, and many smaller countries. We had to get visas for four of those countries.

Greta and I usually go ashore and explore ports on our own. However, one ship’s tour we’ve signed up for is a day-trip to the Great Wall of China.

I will be writing about the trip in the three Southern California newspapers where my column appears. The newspapers’ General Manager, somewhat tongue-in-cheek, suggested the final article be on how to hang in there with your partner for 82 days, and still be walking down the gangway hand-in-hand when disembarking.

I will also be posting articles and photos as often as I can to my travel website: www.travelafter55.com. If you go to that site, the current post opens on the home page. On the right-hand column you can see Recent Articles and under that Archives. All the October and November trip articles are listed there. The itinerary will be posted there also.

I will have internet access on board. So, don’t hesitate to email me. It might take a little longer to respond, but I will. Hopefully, we will get some good On Life and Love After 50 news and stories from other passengers.

Wish us well. Your thoughts will help us complete our journey safely. It’s time to go.