| On Life and Love after 50 eNewsletter October 20, 2023 A Senior Concern: The Cost of Living Alone A Roommate Wanted By Senior Woman By Columnist Tom Blake |
(There are two parts to today’s eNewsletter) Part One – A senior concern. The Cost of Living Alone You Champs (eNewsletter subscribers) amaze me. I’ve stated multiple times that your questions, comments, observations, and knowledge are what keep this weekly eNewsletter functioning. Today’s edition is no exception. I received a question from a woman Champ that I have never received before in my 29 years (4,777 columns) of writing about life and love after age 50. Here’s what she said: “I am about to move into a newly built, two-bedroom home to get a fresh start on my life after dealing with the memories of my deceased husband for the last 16 months in the home he and I shared. Would you ask Champs if anyone has relocated and thought about getting a roommate? “I am thinking about getting a roommate because I think it would be healthier to come home to a non-empty house and the financial contribution of a roommate would make it easier to maintain the comfortable lifestyle I have created for myself. Plus, I might be able to help another person who may also feel the loneliness of living alone or has been unable to find a great place to live that is affordable. “But what happens if that roommate has no family at all or no next of kin nearby and becomes seriously ill, or heaven forbid, passes away? What would I do? I am not able to be a caregiver since I commute to work Monday through Friday, nor would I want to be put in that position and I don’t want to be a caregiver. “Have any Champs been faced with a similar situation? What advice can they give me? I would like to supplement my income. I asked this Champ for details about her home. She said, “It’s brand new and located in an age 55-plus community, Rancho Mission Viejo, in South Orange County, California. The whole community is only about 10 years old, and my home has just this week been finished for move-in next week. “It’s beautiful with incredible amenities such as many clubhouses throughout, multiple pools, social events, and over 23,000 acres of protected open space with bike trails and hiking trails. It is about three miles from San Juan Capistrano, which means it’s still close to the ocean beaches of San Clemente and Dana Point. “My home is single story with two private bedrooms on opposite ends of the house, each with its own bathroom. No one lives above me. “I am looking for a man or woman who is quiet, thoughtful, not a night owl. No pets. The home is cozy, about 1200 square feet. There is a two-car garage. It would be ideal for someone who wants to relocate to a warm, sunny place, from out of state or from other parts of California, or Orange County. The person must be 55+. “Initially, the lease could be month-to-month, to see how we mesh living under the same roof. “I hope some Champs will share their opinions. If anyone would like to contact me, please email Tom at tompblake@gmail.com and let him know. He has graciously agreed to forward your comments to me.” Part 2 – Miscellaneous comments from Champs this week re: senior online dating and senior sex. Barb, “I read your column faithfully. I tried online dating but after several disappointing dates, I threw in the towel. Maybe it was too soon after my husband’s passing…or maybe it was just me. I liked the list of characteristics you look for in a person.” Tom’s response to Barb. “Senior online dating is a blessing and a curse. At least, it exposes singles to potential mates they otherwise wouldn’t have met. Because of that, it can provide hope. But it’s also filled with potholes, scammers, and other drawbacks. “In my opinion, I don’t think your negative experience was caused by trying to date too soon after your husband’s passing. It’s just the right person for you didn’t come along. Take a deep breath, come up for air, don’t give up hope, and try again, at least by getting off the couch and out of the house and meeting new people. “Also spread the word by networking with friends.” Melanie emailed: “Have any of these Champs heard of friendship? My neighbor is an older retired widower and knows I’m not interested in him physically. We’ve talked about it. He said he’s bored, and helping to fix things around my house gives him something to do. I always pay him or offer when he fixes things around the house. “I also visit my 91-year-old neighbor. We are friends. Look up the ‘friend’ word. Doesn’t involve sex. “I have a good guy friend. Our friendship doesn’t involve sex either. We tried dating once. Too much alike. But we are great friends. I’m sorry for people that don’t have friends. Or only see them as sex objects to meet their needs.” Tom’s response to Melanie, “Everyone is entitled to their own feelings regarding senior intimacy and sex. However, my guess, based on correspondence I’ve received from women over the years, is that more than 65 % of women over age 65 would still enjoy intimacy and willingly admit it. That’s just my opinion. However, I’ve never conducted a poll on that topic. |
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